“Yeah, I understand,” he grits out.
I take a step back. “Good. Keep it that way.”
With that, I turn and stalk out of the house.
Fuck.
I need to get home to Birdie and not only because she’s waiting for me, but also because when I’m wound up like this, she’s the one person who can help untangle my knots.
6
Birdie
* * *
I stare at the phone as I place it on the coffee table in front of me. Is she fucking kidding? I can barely contain the rage the phone call I’ve just had with a staff member has brought out in me. Snatching the phone back up, I call Cleo, who answers on the first ring.
“Hey, babe, how are you today?” she says.
Gripping the phone hard, I say, “Not fucking good.”
“Oh God, what’s happened?”
“Juanita just called and advised me she’s taking next week off work because she wants to fly to Tasmania to help her sister get ready for her wedding. Apparently her sister hurt her ankle and is struggling to get things done. I sympathise, but to take a whole week off with no notice isn’t something I’m okay with. Especially not when next week will be flat out and we’re already down one team member.”
“Wow. What did you say to her?”
“I told her no fucking way, but she told me she’d just quit if I said no. So I told her to quit because I refuse to work with someone who does stuff like that. Which means I now have to either find people to replace her or do the shifts myself, and I’m thinking it’ll be the second option because the roster is super tight next week.” I fan my face as it heats. Actually, my entire body is heating. “And what the hell is going on with the weather in Melbourne today? One minute it’s hot, the next cold. I’m getting whiplash from it.”
Cleo is silent for a beat. “Umm, B, I think you’re having hot flushes, babe. From the fertility drugs. And possibly a little bit of rage, too. You don’t usually get fired up like this.”
“No, what I’m having is rage induced by selfish team members. And I’m telling you, the weather here is ridiculous today. I haven’t had any side effects from the drugs. I’m fine.”
“Is Winter home?”
“Why?”
“Well, I was just going to ask if he’s feeling hot, too.”
I’m not sure why, but I’m suddenly feeling really fucking irritated by my bestie, and that’s something that never happens. Like, in all the time we’ve been friends, I’ve never felt this way towards her. But damn it, she’s asking me dumb questions when I just want her to agree with me that Juanita is selfish.
“He’s not here,” I snap. “Can we please get back to my staffing issue?”
“Yes, okay. So what’s the plan for next week then?”
“I don’t have a plan yet. I just got off the phone from her. But I’m pretty sure I’ll have to cover most of those shifts.”
“I could rearrange stuff here and come down for the week.”
My irritability with her completely disappears with that offer. “Oh, babe, no, I don’t want you to do that. I appreciate it, but I’ll manage. I just needed to vent is all.”
“I know, but if you have trouble filling shifts, please let me come and help. You don’t need any added stress at the moment.”
She’s right, but I hate the idea of dragging her away from Sydney. Especially since her roster is also quite tight. Our Sydney studio is doing well with business picking up every week. “I’ll see how I go. Thank you. And I’m sorry if I was snappy with you. This damn heat is getting to me. I mean, it’s June for God’s sake. It shouldn’t be hot.” As the words leave my mouth, I realise Cleo must be right; I’m having hot flushes thanks to the drugs I’m taking.
Oh God.
“Shit,” I mutter, “I think you’re right.”
“About what?”
“The hot flushes and moodiness. It’s the damn drugs.” A thought crosses my mind. One I don’t like. “Do you think I overreacted to Juanita?”
“I agree that taking time off with no notice isn’t acceptable,” she says, choosing her words carefully. I know she is because she’s speaking slowly in the way she does when she’s trying to be delicate with me. “I wonder if there was room to explore all the options a little more fully, though. But you’re the boss down there, Birdie, and I don’t know everything that was said, so—”
I cut her off because she’s being too delicate now. “Don’t sugar-coat it for me, Cleo. That’s not how we run things. I can agree with you that if this had happened any other time, I may have explored our options more. Ugh. Should I call her back and apologise?” Jesus, I’m not usually this indecisive when it comes to business and team stuff. It’s the one area in my life where I feel super confident with my decisions.
“Do you still want to work with her? Is she normally more reliable?”
I don’t have to think about that too hard. “No, this is probably a good time to cut ties when you put it that way.” I sigh loudly, giving a voice to my frustrations. “But I have to admit that if this is how I handle work issues after less than one week on these drugs, I’m a little concerned for the business going forward. Maybe you should take over managing the team down here for a while.”
“Birdie, no.” Gone is her delicate tone and in its place is her fierce, supportive tone. “This was one hiccup. Don’t let it freak you out. And like you said, working with Juanita wasn’t so great anyway. Maybe you actually did yourself a favour by being blunt with her. You’ve got this, babe.”
“I love you.”
“I know. Now tell me, where’s Winter? I thought you guys were spending the day together.”
“He ended up having some club stuff to take care of. I’m hoping he’ll be home soon because the movie we want to see only has one more session today, and that’s in an hour. How’s your day going?”
She fills me in on her day, and we chat for another ten minutes before ending the call. Talking with her was exactly what I needed; I don’t feel anywhere near as angry as I did before. Plus, she helped me realise I’m experiencing side effects from the fertility drugs. I’m not sure how I didn’t put that together earlier.
Deciding I need a cool cloth for my face, I head into the bathroom and locate one. Wetting it, I press it to my warm skin and feel some relief. I don’t even care that it’ll ruin my make-up. I’m so damn hot I could do with sticking my head into a bucket of ice cubes.
A bath. That’s what I need.
God knows how long Winter will be. Surely I can squeeze a quick one in.
Stripping, I run a bath and sink into the cool water, savouring the reprieve it offers.
I may just move into this bath.
Live in here all day every day.
Resting my head back, I close my eyes. Many minutes pass, maybe fifteen, while I allow my body to relax and my mind to drift. I’m four injections into this IVF journey and I’ve barely relaxed since I started. It hasn’t helped that I’ve also been on high alert with Winter since he came home and stitched himself up. At times, my mind races with all the possible ways he could be hurt while out doing club work. I’m thankful he saw the doctor and had his wound properly looked after. I’m also thankful it appears to be healing well; however, I worry about him daily. I know I need to stop imagining things that may never happen, but I’m having trouble doing that.