He sends through a list of ten books he wants. Over the last week, he’s returned the first lot of books I took him, and I delivered the second lot yesterday. I love that he’s into reading this much. Mostly, he reads graphic novels, but this latest list contains a non-fiction title about the brain. I love that even more. He told me one of his friends got him banned from hiring books from his school library about two months ago. He’s banned for one more month, so me taking him books seems to make his day.
* * *
Maddox: Also, you still good to take me to join the library this weekend?
Me: Yes. Any time after ten.
Maddox: Sweet.
Me: I also got you a myki card and loaded it with some cash so you can get to the library whenever you want. I can top up online for you. And I know there’s an app, but I didn’t know that when I got you the card. You can always swap if it’s easier.
* * *
He stops texting for a few minutes and I wonder where he went, but then he comes back.
* * *
Maddox: Thanks. Gotta go.
Maddox: PS you really the queen.
* * *
I stare at his last text, having no idea what he means. I think he means it in a good way, but who knows with teens. They have their own language. I’ve never felt my age so much as I do when I talk to Maddox. But not in a bad way; more in a fun way, because he laughs at the things I say and that makes me laugh. It reminds me we’re all just here living life in our own way, and laughing really is the best medicine.
Tonight reminded me that crying is also good medicine sometimes. I feel a little less weighed down after allowing my tears and emotions to engulf me. And now, after texting with Maddox, I’m smiling from the inside.
The week passes in a blur of work, missing Winter, and tears from spending every night in the nursery. I’m finding it weirdly therapeutic to be in that room. It’s like being there is helping me release my hurt. I want to talk to Winter about it, but I won’t; not while he’s in Brisbane focussed on club stuff. When he gets home, we can talk.
Saturday comes around and I’m excited to take Maddox to the library. I meet him at the clubhouse after Memphis brings him over. Memphis could have just taken him straight to the library, but I told him I want to take Maddox, so he agreed to bring him here first.
As Maddox walks towards my car, I take in the bruise and cuts on his face. “Hey,” I say.
He lifts his chin. “Hey.” Something’s off with him; he usually greets me with a smile and more words than that. And usually, he throws in some smartass comment about my princessy look.
I leave it for now, not wanting to dig into heavy stuff straight away. We get in my car and start the ten-minute drive to the library.
After a couple of minutes of silence, I say, “Did you get through many of the books I brought over the other day?”
He’s been staring out the window and doesn’t draw his attention away from that to answer me. “I finished two of them.”
It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk, so I leave him be. Not my strongest strength, but I’ve had years of practice with Winter, so I manage not to talk the rest of the drive.
It’s busy when we arrive, so it takes some time for Maddox to sign up and become a member. I spend the time browsing for some books for myself. I’m deep in thought over one of the books I find when Maddox’s voice sounds from beside me. “I’m done.”
“Shit,” I mutter as my head jerks up, taken by surprise. Looking at him, I say, “You could give a girl some warning when you’re about to creep up on her.”
“Thought I did.”
I note the books he’s holding. Goodness, I’ve lost track of time; he’s finished signing up and already chosen his books. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
Today is not going at all how I envisioned it. I don’t know why, but I imagined a fun time with him. Instead, he’s withdrawn and broody. I guess I should have planned for that; he is a teenage boy after all.
If there’s one thing IVF taught me, it’s to roll with life even when it doesn’t give you what you expected. So I say, “Okay then, let’s go.”
We check our books out and head back to the car. Once we’re strapped in, I look at him. “You wanna get some junk food? I feel like a burger.”
That gets his attention. “The queen eats burgers?”
I grin. “Oh, you’d be surprised what this queen eats.”
“Fuck yeah I want a burger.”
I’m glad he said yes. I really am craving a burger today and also, I want more time with him before Memphis takes him home.
We drive to the closest McDonalds and I follow him inside. We’re almost to the register to order when two kids approach us.
“Maddox,” the tall, lanky one says with a chin lift.
Maddox looks at them and swears under his breath before saying, “Jay.”
The other kid, the shorter one, says, “Did DoCS finally take you away from your mama?” He eyes me. “This your new one? Wonder if she’ll do nasty shit to score, too?” What the hell does that mean?
Maddox’s face explodes with thunder and he grabs the second kid’s shirt and barrels him backwards into the wall. Before I realise what’s happening, he punches the kid hard in the face and roars, “Shut the fuck up, Brad. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
I watch as Jay moves to Maddox and grabs his shirt to pull him off his friend. When his other hand lifts, presumably to punch Maddox, my instincts kick in and I quickly close the distance between us, and step into the fray.
Not my smartest move, but I’m running on pure instinct, and everything inside me is screaming to protect Maddox.
“Stop!” I yell, trying to push Jay away from Maddox, and trying to get Maddox to stop fighting the other boy.
Jay’s angry eyes come to me. “Bitch, you wanna—”
I see red. The little shit. Squaring my shoulders, I snap, “I don’t wanna anything, mate, but you might wanna never call me bitch again. And you and your friend might wanna walk the fuck outta here and leave us alone.”
Those angry eyes of Jay’s glitter with interest. “We’ve got a wild mama bear here.”
“No, what you’ve got is a woman you don’t wanna mess with.”
He looms over me. “Is that so?”
“Fuck, Birdie,” Maddox says, shoving Brad out of the way so he can get to me. “You do not wanna do this.”
I stand my ground, my eyes glued to Jay. “Maddox, you seen the man I live with? And the men I call family? Trust me when I tell you, I can look after myself.”
Brad joins Jay and tries to stare me down, too. “You got any idea who you’re fucking dealing with here, lady?”
I look at him. “No, but have you?”
Before he can reply, Memphis’s deep voice cuts in. “You got a problem here, Birdie?”
I watch as Brad and Jay both take Memphis in and realise who they’re actually dealing with.
“Fuck, man,” Brad says, taking a step back and holding his hands up defensively. “We don’t want any problems.”