I waited, still standing off to the side, while my parents gushed over an increasingly agitated baby Kate, saying their goodbyes. They said goodbye to me too, and my mom gave me a quick hug before trying to circle back to the baby. Finally, Martin gently but firmly led them to the front door.
“Do you want me to go too?” I asked.
“No, don’t go. You just got here.” Molly rocked Kate, offering her a pacifier. “I know, little one. Daddy will change your diaper and then we can feed you.”
Martin came back and took Kate. She looked so small in his hands. He lifted her to kiss her forehead and murmured that he’d bring her back to mommy in a minute.
I took a seat on the couch and crossed one leg over my knee. “He’s an awesome dad already, isn’t he?”
Molly smiled. “So awesome. He’s the best. And hey, you shouldn’t let them get to you. Mom and Dad, I mean.”
“It’s fine.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Is it, though? What she said isn’t true.”
“Which part?”
“That you’re not made to have a family. That was a crappy thing to say. Although I’m not going to lie, I have no idea how you’re still single.”
I leaned back against the couch cushions. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. It’s not obvious at all. You’re genius-level smart. Good-looking. You probably have abs under that shirt.”
I absently touched my stomach. “So?”
“Do you not understand the power of abs?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“Are you just being modest, or do you not realize how awesome you are?”
“Shut your face.”
“You shut your face.” She paused and tilted her head, still scrutinizing me. “Do you have commitment issues?”
I groaned. “Really?”
“I’m just trying to figure out how it’s possible that you’re still single. Commitment issues would explain it.”
“I don’t have commitment issues.”
“Are you sure?”
I looked around for something to throw at her. Something soft, obviously—she’d just had a baby. I wasn’t a total animal. But there wasn’t anything within reach.
“I’m not single because I can’t commit.”
“Then why?”
Adjusting my glasses, I raised my eyebrows at her. “Have you met me? I’m weird.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Thanks for not arguing with me,” I said wryly.
“You are weird. But that’s not a bad thing.”
“Have you ever found yourself describing the mating behavior of ring-tailed lemurs to someone you’re interested in?”
“No.”
“Then don’t tell me being weird isn’t a bad thing.”
She sighed. “Okay, so you can be a little awkward sometimes. But you’re not the shy kid who never spoke up in class anymore. You’ve given lectures to hundreds of people. You put yourself out there. That’s brave.”
How could I explain to her that public speaking wasn’t intimidating because it wasn’t close? It wasn’t intimate. I believed in my work, so it was easy for me to talk about it, even in front of a crowd. It was the one-on-one conversations that went sideways and left me feeling like an idiot.
Although I didn’t feel that way around Hazel, did I?
“The fact that I can give a lecture has nothing to do with me being single. And stop worrying about it. I’m fine.”
“You’re just such a great guy. I want you to be happy.”
“Motherhood is making you weird.”
She extended her leg, trying to kick me, but I was too far away. “It is not. You’re my twinkie. I wanted you to be happy even before I had a baby.”
“God, Moll, you need to stop calling me twinkie. Where did you come up with that, anyway?”
“Because we’re twins. Twinkie has the word twin right in it.”
“You’ve been calling me twinkie our whole life because it has the word twin in it?”
She laughed. “Yes. You didn’t know that? I thought it was obvious.”
“Not obvious, weirdo. Can’t you come up with something better?”
“Nope. It’s too late. You’ll always be my twinkie.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just promise me you won’t teach Kate to say it.”
“Fine,” she said. “So how’s Hazel? I thought you might bring her with you.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because there’s obviously something going on between you two.”
“We’re just friends.”
Martin brought Kate back to Molly. She was free of her swaddling blanket, dressed in a white onesie, her tiny limbs wriggling.
Molly put a curved pillow in her lap and Martin handed Kate to her. “That’s bullshit, and I need to feed her.”
“Should I go?”
“No, it’s just breastfeeding. If you’re afraid of catching a glimpse of my boobs, don’t look.”
I waited while Martin helped her get the baby situated. I didn’t want to catch a glimpse of my sister’s boobs, but it was easy enough to look away. And hopefully we could talk about something else.
“As I was saying,” Molly said, finally, “I know you’re not just friends with her.”
I groaned. “Do we have to talk about this?”
“Yes, we do.”
Martin sat on the couch next to me and gave me a sympathetic glance, as if to say, good luck getting her to drop it.
“Fine, we’re sort of more than friends. I think. I don’t know, it’s complicated.”
“What does that mean?”
I wished I knew. “I guess we’re friends with benefits.”
Molly rolled her eyes. “See? I told you. Commitment issues.”
I spread my hands wide. “Why do you assume that means I have commitment issues?”
“Friends with benefits?”
“She said it, not me.”
“She told you that? She said she doesn’t want to date you?”
“No, but that’s what she told her friends.”
“How do you know?”
I didn’t need to get into that. “Long story.”
Narrowing her eyes, she pressed her lips together, studying me for a long moment. “Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. We basically hated each other at first, so friends is good. And the benefits are really good.”
She kept scrutinizing me. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”
Neither do I. “I told you, it’s fine. It’s not like she’s forcing me to do anything.”
“She better not.”
“Trust me. That’s not an issue.”
“Okay, good. Like I said, I just want you to be happy. And I don’t understand how a girl could be with you and not want to keep you forever.”
I tried not to flinch, but damn, that stung. Because that was the thing, wasn’t it? No one had ever felt that strongly about me.
And the truth was, no one was ever going to, whether I wanted it or not.