“Wait,” Sam said, holding a hand up, “I didn’t leave you for Melissa.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What else would you call it?”
“That isn’t what happened at all. You hacked into her computer and made up a bunch of fake emails between her and a nonexistent guy. Then you paid someone to pretend to be him. He showed up in Madison and proclaimed his love for her. It was next-level manipulative!”
I took a step back. “You still believe all of that? I sent the email. I told him that she was in Madison and to come see her. That was Bad Lark. I admit it. Melissa was just the latest casualty in my warpath,” I said in frustration. “But I did not invent this guy. Those emails had already been there. She was talking to him. You just refused to listen to me.”
“Then how did she have receipts of you paying him?” he asked.
“God, I can’t believe we even have to go over this again,” I said with a shake of my head. “I paid for his flight to come out to see her. That’s the receipt she had. It was wrong. I owned up to that. I spent the next five years trying to not turn into that manipulative person again. But I was not the only one in the wrong that day. Melissa started it all.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I don’t want to fight about this. I just…I guess I still don’t really know what happened.”
“Here’s what happened,” I said with a resigned sigh. “You invited your ex-girlfriend to stay at your place and help with the campaign the last three weeks we were there. You and I were dating, and then there was another girl—your ex—living in your apartment.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t my best move. But…it was platonic.”
“For you,” I countered. “The first night I met Melissa, she told me she was going to win you back. I told her, if she tried, I’d ruin her life.”
Sam cringed. “Jesus.”
“Yeah, and I was…well, me back then. I’d ruined many many lives before hers. I meant what I said. Doing little shitty things to each other. Then my picture appeared in the tabloids: Upper East Side princess in the dirt. She told me she did it, Sam,” I reminded him. “But you didn’t believe precious, sweet Melissa could do that. So, I retaliated. I wanted you to see what she was capable of. But of course, as it went down, you only saw what I was capable of.”
He nodded. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”
“Yeah, it sure is. So, you can see how, to me, it looked like you had broken up with me for Melissa.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Even if that wasn’t my intention. We didn’t get back together until after Christmas.”
“I didn’t know that,” I whispered. “I thought you were back together before the campaign was even over.”
He shook his head. “No, I was a fucking wreck after you.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
He laughed once, short and painful. “Want to hear how Karma repaid me for not believing you?”
I arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Melissa slept with Jake.”
“What?” I gasped. “She slept with your brother?”
“Yeah. I don’t know how long it happened, but it wasn’t just one time. Jake and I have never been the same since.”
“Fuck. What a bitch.”
“She really is.” He breathed out heavily. “You know, I’ve been so angry for so long about what happened with us, what happened with Melissa. I was dating Claire because she was the safe choice, the easy choice. But now that I’m looking at you, now that I have you back, I think I’ve just been mourning the loss of you. No one could ever replace you.”
I swallowed back tears. “I’m so sorry about the past. How we acted and treated each other. It was so shitty. I wish I could take back my part in it.”
He pulled me into his arms. “I know. But we’re here now. And I think it’s well past time to let the past be in the past.”
As I breathed in his scent with my feet in the sand and the moon shining bright on the both of us, I felt like I might finally be able to come to terms with my past. I was tired of carrying it around with me like Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain for all of eternity. I was ready to let the boulder go. And just be here with Sam, looking forward. Only forward from now on.
29
Sam
It felt impossible to go back to work on Monday morning.
Having the entire weekend alone with Lark had felt like a dream. After dealing with Thomas and our broken past, we were closer than ever before. I still couldn’t believe I’d blurted out that I loved her. I hadn’t planned to do that. It felt early. Or it had before the weekend we spent together. Now, it just felt right. Like there was no other alternative.
I might be lovesick, but I couldn’t contain it. Lark brought out the best in me. It even made work seem better, more vibrant. Despite the fact that we were going into longer hours leading up to the primary. There was so much to do. Never enough time to get it all done. And I still felt like I was in a fucking musical where I was going to break out into song at any moment.
It was ridiculous.
I’d even called my brother to wish him a happy birthday.
He’d been shocked as hell.
I’d been shocked.
But if I was putting the past to rest, then maybe I could put this to rest too. Forgiveness wasn’t for the other person. It was grace. And grace wasn’t given only to people who deserved it.
I wanted to bury the hatchet. Find a way to truly move on. Jake had been amenable…as I’d known he would be. He’d been trying to talk to me for years. And I’d finally done it. All because of Lark.
He’d even offered to come up to New York sometime to see me. I still wasn’t sure about that, but maybe, just maybe, it might work after the primary was over.
A week passed in a blur of delirious happiness. There was only work and Lark, back to work and then more Lark. I’d thought I’d hate not having anything else in my life. But between the rush of the campaign and the rush of Larkin St. Vincent, I found I needed nothing else in my life.
An email came through on my screen then.
Hey, food after we get off?
—Lark
I smiled. We were always pretty careful about what we said in email or messages through the campaign system. Probably, technically, I shouldn’t be dating her. If someone went looking, our messages likely weren’t as innocuous as I hoped they were. But the risk felt worth it.
Definitely. Buns in 20?
—Sam
She responded almost immediately.
You’re on.
—L
I finished up the memo that I’d been working on for Gibbs. We had to file some campaign finance paperwork this week before we got any closer to the primary. Needed everything to be up to snuff. I sent off what I had to Gibbs, grabbed my phone, and headed for the door.
Lark wasn’t there yet. Just Aspen walked by me.
“Have a good night, Sam,” she said with a shit-eating grin on her face.