‘Once upon a time in Qatar, me and this guy I met crashed this wedding reception and the food…’
‘Was it good?’ Becky asked with a sigh as they came in sight of Liakada’s square. Here was where Petra regaled her with a story about fantastic Persian cuisine and all Becky’s flags on the tinned peach tarts dropped to half-mast.
‘Oh God no. It was awful. Walnut stew! Shouldn’t be allowed. And the falafel was so dry I think they rolled it in the desert. And everything that wasn’t the stew had yoghurt with it, or on it, or in it.’
Becky smiled. That was a good story. She felt slightly encouraged now.
‘Speaking of food. What was included in our ten-euro entrance fee? You did say food, so what food? A proper meal or bread and dips or some of that deep-fried feta with honey and sesame?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Becky admitted.
‘Oh, there she is,’ Petra remarked, stepping closer to Becky and whispering in her ear as they neared the cafeneon. ‘What has she got in her hair?’
Becky focused her vision on Eleni. She was standing outside her establishment with a clipboard in her hands, dressed in a long yellow patterned dress that skirted the floor. Her hair had been made into a beehive style and it looked like it was currently housing two birds.
‘Are they birds?’ Petra questioned. ‘Real birds? Nesting in her hair?’
‘No, they can’t be,’ Becky replied, trying to look closer but still be inconspicuous. ‘No, they’re hair clips. I think.’
‘Who buys hair clips with giant birds on the end of them?’ Petra wanted to know. ‘I know those bands with flowers on were popular in Claire’s Accessories for a while but… birds?’
‘Kalosirthate! Welcome! This way!’ Eleni called, beckoning them towards her.
*
It was pitch black. It was darker than parts of the cave had been in Kefalonia. Elias was sitting in a part of his parent’s cafeneon he had never known existed. He had been led – by his mother – into this dark tent structure that smelled of humidity, ouzo and other people. He was sitting at a table – he knew that much – and he had drunk a shot of tsipouro that had been handed to him. He wanted to speak, find out who else was in the room with him, but he had been warned – very forcefully – that if he did speak he would be in the deepest kind of trouble with his mother. And that was never a good place to be.
‘Welcome everybody to… Dark Dating, the only place on Corfu where the views are not the main attraction.’ It was his mother’s voice. It was echoey like this room was a lot larger than he had imagined.
There was a ripple of laughter, but it didn’t last long…
‘Silence!’ Eleni boomed. ‘From this moment you will only respond to the questions that I will ask you to answer.’
Elias felt the urge to laugh. This was, without a doubt, the craziest thing his mother had done. How many people were actually here? He admired his mother’s ingenuity though. Ten euros per person, and if the laughter was his only way to estimate there could be what? Thirty perhaps?
‘In just one moment you will be joined at your table by your guest. They cannot see you. They will not speak to you. And you will not speak to them. This event is all about listening. And I mean listening not hearing. Listening is very important in a relationship. If you do not listen to your partner the end will be very quick and sharp… like a knife stabbing into an apple!’
Something made the noise of a guillotine. Perhaps an actual guillotine and there were gasps from the room. My God, his mother and father really did need to talk to one another.
‘Silence!’ Eleni called again. ‘Your first dates are coming.’
*
‘I can’t see a fucking thing!’ Petra hissed, bumping into Becky.
‘Sshh!’
‘Was that you saying “sshh”, Becky?’ Petra asked. ‘Or was that the person who has hold of my arm? Is this our first date? A guy leading us into the dark… that doesn’t sound dodgy or anything.’
‘No talking,’ a voice ordered.
‘Mmm, so you are a man,’ Petra continued. ‘Are you under thirty?’
Becky was trying to tune in to her other senses. The floor underneath her feet was changing from a hard concrete tile to something softer. Grass maybe? Were they outside? She sniffed, but all she got was heat that almost took the nose hairs off the lining.
‘You sit here,’ a man’s voice told Becky. She put her hands out, felt the back of a chair and her guide helped her down into it. How could he see? She couldn’t see even a flicker of light. It was like someone had wrapped the room in those wartime blackout curtains!
‘Where do I sit?’ Becky heard Petra ask. ‘Don’t take me far away from my friend. I’ve seen all the bad films where they separate people!’
‘Silence!’ Eleni ordered. ‘When everyone is seated, we will begin.’
*
Petra was nearby. Elias couldn’t help hearing her voice, such as it was. Was Becky close too? His stomach was currently tying itself into all the types of knots you could use to secure a boat to a mooring. He had thought about her a lot over the past four days. She had opened up to him on the water in Avlaki and he knew that hadn’t been easy for her. It had led to him thinking that perhaps he should… ask her on a date. Tiptoe back in to being open about the future. Her being here at this mad dating night of his mother’s had to mean she was open to the possibility. Maybe. Or perhaps it was already too late. Could she already be considering something with someone called Atlantis?
‘Endaksi, your first partner is now opposite you,’ Eleni informed. ‘Take a long, slow deep breath and let their aura soak into you.’
What? Breathe in someone’s smell? This was unorthodox but, Elias supposed, it would be an aroma you could be getting used to if you began dating… He closed his eyes, even though he could see nothing, and inhaled long and slow. Flowers. Definitely flowers. One thing he did know was he wasn’t sat opposite Becky…
‘Next, I will ask you a question and you must respond so your date can hear the answer. But you will not answer with words. You will answer with… a sound.’
Elias shook his head. Where was his mother getting this all from?
‘So, let your date know your favourite animal. Go!’
Elias was momentarily dumbfounded. Favourite animal? Suddenly the room was filled with a cacophony of different noises and it was hard to differentiate one from the other. Until…
‘Rooooaaarr! Rooooaaarr!’
The person seated opposite him let out a noise Elias couldn’t distinguish between dragon or wolf protecting its young. And while he tried to decipher it, like it really mattered, he was still wondering what his favourite animal was. An octopus came to mind. No, they didn’t make a noise, did they?
‘Rooooaaarr! Rooooaaarr!’ The roaring was getting fiercer now, definitely dragon not wolf, but he was getting interference of chicken, cat and… pig? Was that a pig sound he could hear coming from across the room?
Now Elias really tuned into the pig sound. It was a gentle snort. Not the right at the back of the throat hocking up a large male hog might do. This was more of a quiet, considered, mere reference to a pig. And he knew exactly who was making it. He stood up and almost fell into the table.