I brushed my hand over my mouth. “It’s unfair. She’s good, Eddie. She’s so good. She doesn’t deserve that kind of suffering.”
“No one does, Jax, including you. When we can’t lean on ourselves, it’s nice to have others to lean on, too.” I gave him a broken smile, and to my surprise, Eddie called out once more. “I’ll check in on her. You know, as a neighborly gesture.”
My frozen heart? Holy shit, it started beating again.
“Really?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure we haven’t taken her any food like the rest of the people in this town have. I was trying to avoid being that cliché but it can’t hurt.”
“Thank you, Eddie,” I said, more sincere than ever.
He nodded once and turned to head back into his house.
“Chocolate chip cookies,” I called out. “They were always her favorite.”
“Chocolate chip—a classic. Good night, Jax.”
“Night, Eddie.”
After my visit with Eddie, I stopped by the nursing home to read my father his chapters. He was much more aggressive that night and irritated with everything and everyone—including me. I didn’t get to read much to him that night, and when I got home, I couldn’t stop recalling the ways he used to get so irritated at me for the strangest things. I wished I could turn off my thoughts. I wished I could make my memories fade away, but I couldn’t. By the time I got home, I poured myself a glass of whiskey before I crashed hard into my bed, and exhaustion swallowed me whole.
19
Jax
Twelve years old
Year two of summer camp
“That’s a cardinal!” Kennedy shouted, pointing up toward the sky as we used our binoculars on the last day of summer camp. Half the time she pointed out a bird, it was the wrong bird, but I didn’t correct her. She was too happy about finding it, so I let her think what she wanted to think.
Besides, by the time I explained the actual bird sighting, she’d already be on to another. Her mind moved so fast, and I couldn’t always keep up with it, but that was okay because I just liked having her around.
I hated how fast the summer went, and if I could have, I’d have made Kennedy my neighbor so we could see each other all the time. How was I going to make it another whole year without seeing her?
Maybe my mom would drive me to visit, or Kennedy could come visit me.
When it was time for us to get our bags, I had a knot in my stomach. I didn’t want her to go. For the first time that summer, Kennedy was quiet, too. I didn’t know if I should ask her about her quietness because I didn’t want to bring it up if she didn’t.
Honestly, all I’d been thinking about was if I would be able to kiss her again before we left, and I didn’t want to kiss her in front of her family or mine, because gross. Derek would probably make fun of me forever if he caught me kissing a girl, even if that girl was Kennedy.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked as we sat on top of the big rock in front of the main entrance to the camp, waiting for our parents to come pick us up.
“Yeah,” she mumbled as a tear fell down her cheek. “I’m just going to miss you a lot more than last time because now I know a lot more about you, which means I have a lot more to miss, and that just makes me sad.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t as good at explaining my feelings as Kennedy. She was good at saying words. I was good at writing them.
Instead, I just hugged her. “You’re my best friend,” I whispered.
She squeezed me and said the same back to me.
“So you’re the boy making my daughter become a better writer,” a voice said, making me let go of Kennedy. I looked up to see a grown-up who looked kind of like Kennedy in some ways and kind of not like her in other ways.
“Dad!” Kennedy leaped up and wrapped her arms around him, and he lifted her up and began spinning her around and around in circles. “I missed you!”
“I missed you, too, babe!” he said, sounding just as excited as his daughter.
“I’m sure you have some more love to give to your mama and sister, too,” Mrs. Lost said, leaping in with Kennedy’s sister for hugs.
I couldn’t wait to hug my mom that same way. I liked seeing Kennedy a lot, but I still missed Mom a lot, too.
“Jax, we’ve heard wonderful things about you,” Mrs. Lost said, looking my way. She really looked like Kennedy. Maybe it was the smile that was the most similar. “And since you and Kennedy had another successful year of summer camp, I was thinking maybe you should add a memory to the Lost-mobile.” She pulled out some Sharpies, and Kennedy squeaked with joy.
“Yes!” she hollered, snatching the markers from Mrs. Lost’s hand. Then she gripped my hand in hers and pulled me over quickly. “Come on, Jax! Let’s make something!”
I laughed. “You really want me to draw on your car?” I asked, nervous. Dad would’ve killed me if I drew on a car. Once, I accidentally spilled a soda in his back seat, and I got a spanking like no other.
“Yeah! It’s our memory car. Here.” She handed me a marker. “Draw however you want this summer to be remembered, okay?”
I bit my bottom lip and took the cap off the marker. After some thought, I began to draw a heart, and I put both of our initials in it.
“There,” I said, handing her the Sharpie.
Under it, Kennedy wrote Friends forever, and I knew it was true.
Forever and ever.
As we were standing by her car, laughing with Kennedy’s family, my Dad’s truck pulled up to the campsite.
The moment he saw me, he began beeping his horn, and hollering at me. “Jax! Get your ass over here so we can go.”
My stomach started hurting because I was embarrassed. Where was Mom? Why wasn’t she picking me up? I made the stupid mistake of asking Dad that question, which forced him to get out of his car. He was cussing under his breath as he walked over toward me.
“She’s sick, does it matter? I told you to get the fuck into the car. Let’s go,” he barked.
Kennedy’s dad stepped forward with a smile. “Now, come on. That level of anger isn’t really necessary. The kids were just saying goodbye, that’s all.”
Dad eyed him up and down. “How about you mind your own fucking business?”
“Okay, Dad,” I said, my body shaking. “Let’s go. I’m coming.”
I could see the look of shock on all of Kennedy’s family from the way Dad was acting. How didn’t he see it? How didn’t he see how he was embarrassing me? How didn’t he see how mean he was being?
He grabbed my luggage and dragged it away before tossing it into the back of the bed of the truck.
I turned and gave Kennedy’s family a weak smile. “It was nice meeting you all. Have a good day,” I said.
Kennedy’s dad tasseled my head and gave me a grin as he lowered himself to me. “You okay, Jax? Are you okay with your dad? I’m sure we can get you a ride home if you need or—”
“Jax! Get your ass over here!” Dad hollered, making me jump out of my skin. I knew the more I upset him, the worse it would be for me.