I know she misses her own son. I can see it in the way she looks at Theo.
“I just think it would be fun for the two of us to get out and do something together. On my way here, I saw a deli that looked really good. Maybe we could try that?”
I’ve been avoiding leaving the house with Hannah simply because I don’t want to have to try and explain why I have guards trailing me everywhere we go. I could just tell her Viktor is extra cautious, but even that would barely explain it.
“Sure, but I can’t tomorrow. Viktor and I have plans.”
“Oh right,” she says, suppressing a smile. “I forgot you have the old ball and chain you have to run things past now.”
“He’s hardly a ball and chain.” Really, Viktor has been keeping his distance. Lunch today is the first time I’ve seen him for longer than half an hour in days. I would never admit it out loud, but I’ve missed him.
Theo is coloring a picture of a dinosaur, decimating the wax point of his crayons, and Hannah slides back to lean against the couch, giving him some space. “What is Viktor like? I only saw him for like a minute two days ago. Since I wasn’t invited to the wedding, the least you could do is give me the inside scoop.”
“No one was invited to the wedding,” I remind her. “It was kind of rushed.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to go, anyway,” she says with a dismissive wave. “But I don’t even know what he does for a living.”
I’ve avoided the topic because, yet again, I have to lie. Everything in my life feels like a lie these days. I wanted to have just one person I wasn’t keeping things from. Apparently, that won’t be possible.
“He is a business owner,” I say. “He has a few motels around town. Nothing fancy, but they bring in good money.”
A partial lie, but if Hannah knew the truth, she’d recognize it as a lie by omission. Viktor’s main source of income is far from legal.
“I’d say so,” Hannah says, gesturing vaguely to the apartment. “He has enough money to set you up in a place like this, and he must have his own place, right? He hasn’t stayed here the last few nights.”
There is a question behind the words: why aren’t you and your husband living together?
“He has been busy with work lately, and we just haven’t consolidated our stuff. Then, I asked him to keep his distance for a few days to give us girl time.”
“You don’t have to do that on my account.” Hannah checks to make sure Theo isn’t listening and then holds a hand to her mouth, whispering to me. “I would not want to be a cock block to the newlyweds. Trust me, I’m a hard sleeper.”
I laugh and it feels genuine. Just like it did today at lunch. In the scheme of things—especially recently—today has been a good day. Maybe I should invite Viktor over for the night.
Just the thought has heat pooling low in my belly.
“That is very good to know. I’ll be sure to let Viktor know he can come over whenever he wants.”
Hannah nods, pleased. “Okay, so he is a rich businessman, but what is he like? Funny? Generous? Sarcastic?”
“Serious.”
Hannah winces. “Ouch.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s a good thing. Viktor takes everything he does seriously. If he makes a promise, he’ll keep it. Maybe ‘focused’ is a better word? He puts all of himself into the task at hand.”
Hannah raises a racy eyebrow. “I’m sure that is a very good thing when you are the task at hand.”
I suppress a smile, warning her with a wide-eyed glare. “You are bad.”
“I’m horny,” she whispers. “I haven’t been with anyone in months. It’s hard to find the motivation to get out and date when you can’t even find a job, you know?”
The stark realities of Hannah’s life—the realities I knew all too well only a few months before—sober me.
“I’m sorry.” She groans. “I really killed the mood. We were having fun.”
I nudge her with my socked foot. “We are still having fun.”
“I’m having fun,” Theo says, holding up a picture of a purple and yellow dinosaur for us to admire.
“Look at your little Picasso,” Hannah says, oohing and aahing at the photo, making Theo feel special. “Can you make me a dragon? I want it to breathe green fire.”
Theo sets to work, excited to draw his first commissioned picture, and Hannah smiles at me, a tinge of sadness around her eyes. “I hope you know I’m happy for you. Even if I sound bitterly jealous, I’m happy you’ve found this.”
I nod, unable to say anything. My pregnancy hormones have made me especially weepy lately, and having one of my only real friends congratulate me on my fake happy ending is enough to push me right over the edge.
“You have a great kid, and Viktor seems like an awesome father figure for Theo. I think this is a good thing you have going here.”
I wonder what Hannah would say if she knew who Theo was to Viktor. If she knew he was actually Theo’s uncle and the brother of my rapist.
I want to tell her, desperately. I want someone to understand the complexities of our relationship and tell me if I’m crazy for wanting to be with him anyway.
“I sure hope so,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Because I’m pregnant again.”
Hannah’s eyes go wide, and her mouth falls open in a smile. “Are you serious?”
I nod and hold a finger to my lips, gesturing to Theo. We still haven’t told him the news. It seems like too much to pile on him right now, especially after nearly being kidnapped by Fedor twice. I want him to have some normalcy. “We weren’t even trying. It just … happened.”
“Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ll never be rich like the one percent, but I sure as hell will fall into the two percent of people that condoms fail. Just my luck, right?”
I chuckle and give her a high five. “Amen.”
She sobers and shrugs. “But, at least Viktor stepped up and put a ring on it. Matthew’s dad is a piece of shit, but if he’d stuck around, I’d probably still have an apartment and custody of my kid.”
“I’m lucky,” I admit, hoping it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging.
“You are,” she says, her eyes narrowing. “But make sure you are safe, too.”
I frown, unsure what she means. “It’s a little late for the safe sex talk, Han. But I’ll keep it in mind in nine months.”
“I mean,” she says, lowering her head and looking up at me beneath her brows. “I know your story about Viktor’s day job is bullshit. I saw the guards standing in the hallway. They are covered in tattoos and scars. Clearly, Viktor is involved in something criminal.”
I open my mouth to argue, but Hannah holds up her hands to stop me. “Far be it from me to judge you. Believe me, if I could lasso myself to a wealthy criminal and live in a place like this, I would. But please be careful.”
“Viktor isn’t like that,” I say when she is finished. I can tell by the knowing slant of her mouth that Hannah doesn’t believe me, so I continue. “He isn’t always aboveboard, but he is a good man. He defends the innocent and protects people.”