My entire plan has always been to keep her safe from the media crap, but I get what Violet’s saying. If this is going to be a real thing, then I can’t hide her away.
Lily nods. “Violet’s right. Invite her to a game and have her bring a friend. She needs to know that you’re invested in something other than her vagina.”
The Birthday Outtake
WHY DID I write this? I wrote this back in 2017 for KU Korner. I loved writing Lance and Poppy’s story, and revisiting them in the future, while they’re in love and happy and just the sweetest couple ever, made me so happy.
Birthday Bash
Gummy Bear Style
“LANCE IS GOING to jizz a bucketload.”
“You should write Hallmark cards,” Charlene deadpans while looking at her phone.
Violet makes a face at Charlene. “Eat Darren’s dick.”
Charlene gives her a saucy grin. “With pleasure.”
I cringe at their completely unfiltered banter, thankful we’re in my bedroom—the one I share with Lance—and not a public place. I smooth my hands over the soft fabric and check out my reflection in the full-length mirror. “You don’t think it’s too juvenile?”
“No way. It’s freaking adorable,” Violet replies.
“I don’t want to look adorable. I want to look sexy. Maybe I should change into something else.” When I first stumbled on the pinup style, form-fitting dress covered in a gummy bear print pattern, I thought it was hilarious. The mint green fabric is covered in tiny, three-dimensional gummy bears, the sweetheart neckline embellished with forest green lace accents, which also line the hem, and deep green satin ribbon cinches at the waist.
Charlene slips her phone into her purse and crosses her arms over her chest. “You look adorably sexy. You’re not changing.”
“I think the bra and panties might be overkill.” They match the dress. I wish Lily was here, but she’s at work and won’t arrive until later, and Sunny can’t come over until Logan is up from his afternoon nap.
It’s not that I don’t trust Violet and Charlene’s advice. It’s just that they’re a little forceful about things, especially when they’re together. I have a lot of new lingerie and bathing suits thanks to lunch/shopping expeditions with them. I try to say no, but then Violet messages Lance and then he messages me and tells me to put in the credit card he gave me when I moved into his house last year. It’s all very kept woman-ish. Except I work full-time as a massage therapist, so I’m not kept at all.
“The bra and panties aren’t overkill. Look, you’ve got this sweet-sexy thing going on.” Charlene waves her hand around my face and then gestures to the rest of me. “This dress shows off your curves and it’s covered in Lance’s favorite gelatin-inspired sugary treat. It’s not juvenile and he’s going to love it.”
“So much that he might jizz in his pants.”
“Stop saying jizz, Violet. We’re not making it the word of the day.” Charlene rolls her eyes.
“It’s a good word.” Violet turns her attention back to me. “All you need is jewelry, something understated and simple, I think.”
“What about pearls?” Charlene fingers hers. It’s the only necklace I ever see her wear.
Violet and I share a look. “Yeah, pretty sure Poppy here isn’t about to let Lance collar her as a birthday present.”
I choke back a laugh. I have no idea what the significance of the pearls are, or what the dynamics of Charlene and Darren’s relationship is, but I suspect it’s a little unconventional and not in a gummy bear print lingerie/dress kind of way. Apparently, butt plugs were Violet’s bachelorette party favor, courtesy of Charlene, which says something.
Charlene throws her hands in the air. “Would you stop?”
“I’m on a wicked roll today, eh?” Violet directs the comment at me.
“You sure are.”
Charlene claps her hands together. “Oh! I have a great idea! What about a gummy bear necklace!”
“As cute as that would be, people are going to start arriving in less than an hour. Whatever jewelry I’m wearing needs to come from that box over there.” I point to my dresser. I’m throwing Lance a birthday party. A surprise birthday party.
“I mean a real gummy bear necklace,” Charlene replies.
“We don’t have time for one of your art projects, Char,” Violet says.
“Everything we need is right here. It’ll only take a few minutes and then you’ll be perfect.” Charlene gestures to the bed. Instead of rose petals, it’s sprinkled with gummy bear confetti, and there are bowls of gummy bears on the nightstand. I make a mental note not to let these two help me plan Lance’s next birthday party. But he’s turning twenty-five, and I don’t think he’s ever really celebrated it properly, so here I am, gummy beared out the wazoo.
Charlene roots around in her purse and pulls out a small tube. “What’s his favorite flavor?”
“He likes the green ones best. What is this?” I pick up the tube she’s tossed on the bed.
“It’s an edible adhesive.” She starts sifting through the bowl of gummies, piling up all the green ones.
“I’m sorry, it’s what?”
“It’s like body glue. So you can stick things to your skin. Except it’s non-toxic and edible,” Charlene explains.
“And you just happen to be carrying that around in your purse?” Violet asks.
“It’s handy. It keeps bra straps and other strappy things in place.”
Violet grabs the tube from me and inspects it. “It’s a little weird that this exists and that it’s like, one of your essential items, Char.”
“Says the woman who dresses her husband’s dick up in costumes.”
“That’s because Alex’s peen is a super hero.”
Dear lord, how are these women my friends?
“Okay. Sit here.” Charlene pats the comforter.
I sit on the edge of the bed while she and Violet stick gummy bears to my chest in the form of a necklace. I have to admit, when they’re done it looks pretty awesome, Also, Charlene has done a good job of drawing attention to my ample cleavage, thanks to the bust line of this dress.
Guests begin to arrive and text messages from Randy inform me of Lance’s impending arrival. The boys took him out golfing this afternoon. I’ve been warned they’ve already consumed a few beers, so they’re all feeling pretty good.
Lance believes we’re having a barbeque with a few close friends. He doesn’t realize I’ve invited his entire team to celebrate. It’s just after seven when they come rolling in. The house quiets as deep raucous voices fill the foyer.
“Precious! Where ya at?” Lance calls out, his usually light Scottish accent heavier on account of the beers and the sun.
“Just in the kitchen!” I call back, biting my lip as he and the boys round the corner.
The chorus of “surprise” has him stopping in his tracks. His wide-eyed shock turns into a slow grin and he surveys the crowd, scanning until his eyes finally find me. They roam over me in a slow sweep I feel all over my body. He doesn’t acknowledge the rest of the room, as if everyone else has ceased to exist.