“Nope, not kidding. Get out of my class, and only come back if you’re going to take it seriously. I’m not a babysitter.”
Jackson slams his hand down on the table, making me jump. Then I hear him shoving stuff in his bag and cursing under his breath. He’s pissed. I know it without even looking at him. I watch, holding my breath as he walks out of the room, the door closing behind him.
“Now, where were we?” Mrs. Jarrid starts again, and I smile, feeling like I can finally breathe. A calmness washes over me, and I spend the rest of the class focusing on every word she says. Eventually, class comes to an end, and we’re dismissed. Packing up my things slowly, I can only hope that Jackson has disappeared.
Turns out, luck isn’t on my side because as soon as I walk out the door, I find him leaning against the wall, talking to another girl. She tosses her hair over her shoulder and laughs at something he says. His green eyes find mine, and I can see the fiery rage in them. He’s trying to hurt me, and even though I don’t want to admit it, it hurts to see him with someone else. I drop my gaze but still watch him out of the corner of my eye as he takes her hand in his, and they walk off somewhere. He doesn’t hold my hand. He doesn’t even look at me when we have sex.
An ugly feeling floods my veins… jealousy. I know I have no claim on Jackson. All along, I knew very well that this was nothing but sex for him. He wants nothing but revenge. He wants to hurt me in any way he can without physically touching me.
I knew all of this, and yet seeing him with another girl has my heart aching and my stomach-churning. I can handle him hating me, punishing me, even using me. But I can’t handle this. I can’t handle being one of his many girls, his second choice at best. The thought of him having sex with someone only hours before he has sex with me… I can’t do it. Pressing a hand to my stomach, I feel the need to vomit away.
I’m such an idiot, letting my feelings get involved. Who am I kidding? My feelings were part of this all along. It’s his feelings that are absent. He uses me, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Yes, he makes me come, and it’s amazing, but that’s all he’ll ever give me. An orgasm and heartache. When we have sex, I forget everything around me, I forget who we are and what we are doing. For some stupid reason, I was holding on to this part of us, thinking maybe something might change. Only now do I realize how special those brief moments were to me because, for some stupid reason, I felt like they were special to him as well.
Oh, how wrong I was. Now, my eyes are open, and I know I have to end this. I have to tell him no. I just don’t know how to end this without disappearing altogether.
17
Jackson
Where the fuck is she? It’s been three days, and I haven’t seen her since our creative writing class. I went to her apartment, almost kicked in the door, but then decided asking the landlord to open it for me was the better choice. As I suspected, she wasn’t there.
Gone, just fucking gone. Poof.
I went to each of her classes, asked the teachers, even other students… nothing. No one has seen or heard from her in three days. Three days. What if something happened to her? Someone touched her, or hurt her? Fuck. I’m going crazy just thinking about it. I tell myself I’m only worried because who will I torment if I don’t have her, but I know it’s deeper than that. I just don’t want to acknowledge it.
Facing the fact that there is only one thing left to do. My last resort. I get out my phone and dial the number I haven’t dialed in two years. I never thought I would ever call her house again. Of course, I never thought I would be fucking her either. I deleted the number the day Jillian died, but the truth is I memorized it years ago, and I’m pretty sure it will forever be etched into my mind.
For a brief second, I’m taken back in time.
“Can you please call Kennedy for me?” Jillian yells from the Jack and Jill bathroom that we share.
“Why can’t you do it?” I groan, tugging my cell phone out of my pocket.
Jillian pops her head into my room, half of her hair is curled, and the other is stick straight. “Because unlike you, who can just show up somewhere, I have to make myself look presentable, so please, call her and ask her what time she’s coming over.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Not that I really have a problem with calling Kennedy. It’s just thinking about her ruins my mojo for the night. I want to go on a date and not think about what my best friend, who I secretly want to bang, might be doing.
Hitting the call button on Kennedy’s number, I listen as ringing fills the line, a second later, Kennedy’s soft voice fills my ear.
“Hey, Jackson,” she purrs, and I swear I feel the sound in my cock.
“Hey, Junebug, Jillian wants to know what time you’ll be over?”
“Mmm, maybe like eight.” I can see her forehead wrinkling as she thinks. God, she’s so beautiful. I just need to get the balls to tell her I want more, but then there is the thing with her being both Jillian and my friend. It’ll never work.
“Perfect. I’ll tell her.”
“Are you… are you coming tonight?” Kennedy asks with hesitation in her voice.
“Nah, I’ve got a date, but Ty will be there, and he said that he’ll watch you guys for me.”
“Oh, okay.” Her voice falls flat, and it sounds like she’s disappointed.
“You know you can call me if you need anything. I’ll be there.”
“Yeah, of course, no worries. I hope you have fun on your date.” The cheer returns to her voice, and I wonder if maybe I should skip the date and hang out with them. I’d have a better time anyway.
“I will, but not as much fun as you and Jill will have tonight. Be safe, okay, bug?”
“Always.”
We hang up, and something in my chest tells me to go with them, but I chalk it up to my feelings over Kennedy. I can’t have her, and that’s making me go a little wild.
“What did she say?” my sister yells as if she’s miles away.
“Jesus, stop yelling. She said she’d be here around eight.”
“Yay!” She squeals, making me place my hands over my ears or risk going deaf.
Just like that, I’m tossed from the memory and back into reality. It steals the air from my lungs and reminds me of a time when I was so carefree, and nothing could get me or keep me down. I hate it. Hate remembering a time when Kennedy was all I could ever want.
It’s already late, almost ten, I might wake them up, but I don’t really care. No way I’m waiting until tomorrow. Pressing the green call button, I put the phone to my ear and listen to the dial tone. A moment later, Kennedy’s mom answers the phone with a cheerful hello.
“It’s Jackson,” I growl into the phone.
“Oh,” is all she says.
“Is Kennedy there?” I try to keep my voice casual, but I’m pretty sure she hears how difficult this call is for me.
It takes her a few seconds to answer, my guess is she’s probably as shocked about me calling as I am. Oh, the things I fucking do for you, bug.
“No, why would she be here?” Worry overtakes her shocked tone. Fuck, this isn’t what I wanted to deal with, but without knowing where Kennedy is, that worry could be very real. “She’s at Blackthorn. Isn’t she?”