“Buy this bottle of cleaner as is for five dollars,” I said to Ted.
He looked at me, puzzled. “Wait a minute, you’re losing money here, Flynn.”
“Look, Ted. Would you buy this product from me or not?” I said with a smirk.
“Well of course, but why would you throw away fifteen dollars like tha—”
“The way I see it,” I interrupted, “I just spent fifteen dollars to secure a steady income for the duration of my time as an employee at this establishment . . . Boss.”
Ted was baffled. He wasn’t sure if I had pulled a fast one on him, or if I’d given him exactly what he wanted. But judging by his next words he was definitely intrigued.
“You’re hired!” he said, offering his hand for me to shake.
“Seriously?” I said, not believing it.
“Oh, of course, Flynn. I really believe in energy, and I have a good feeling about you.”
“Well, thanks, Ted. That means a lot,” I said, unsure why this guy was so eager to give me a position. “Wait a second,” I said. “What would I be doing and how much money would I be making?”
“Oh, ten dollars an hour. You’ll be our floater.”
“I’ll be a what?”
“I’ll explain everything on Monday! See you at nine a.m.,” he said, pointing to the calendar on his desk.
With that I was out of his office and walking past customer service, gainfully employed. “See you later, Ronda,” I said.
“Mmmmmm-hmmmmmm,” Ronda replied with that fierce, strong, black-woman attitude. I loved Ronda’s attitude—she gave no fucks, quite honestly, and I absolutely adored her for it.
On my way out, just beside the customer service desk, I spotted a soda machine by the automatic doors. A few employees were loitering. They seemed to be doing everything but their jobs. I pulled out my wallet, searching for a bill to insert in the machine. A picture fell out—a picture of me sitting in the park on a summer day, my arms around a beautiful blond girl, a girl who broke my heart, a girl I was still in love with. She sat in my lap, looking into my eyes. We were in a field of grass. The shutter had caught us midlaugh. It was some Hallmark shit, and she looked stunning. I picked up the photo and put it in the pocket of my jacket.
“Fuckin’ bitch,” I said.
I pulled out my dollar and inserted it into the machine. A can of Coke dropped. As I stood back up I heard a voice behind me.
“So, I’m guessing you just magically found that dollar you didn’t have fifteen minutes ago when I asked for one, huh?”
It was the weirdo from outside. He stared at me nonchalantly, with brown eyes set back by dark circles. He looked like he needed a good night’s sleep. He was chewing a toothpick and bouncing a red rubber ball. The kind people play handball with.
“Uh, well, I . . . ,” I stammered.
“UUHHHH, WEEELLLLLL, you make me sick, dude. You dick. What if I were homeless, you don’t know,” he said, pulling an apron over his head. It revealed a name tag that said Frank.
“Wait a minute—”
“You’re a fucked-up person, man!” he interrupted.
“But I . . .”
“Hey you!” said Ted Daniels, looking in Frank’s direction. “Back to work, please! We’re on the clock.” The group of employees behind Frank walked off to whatever it was they should have been doing. “And none of that from you on Monday,” he said, looking at me with a smile. Then he did an abrupt about-face and scooted off.
“You work here?” I asked.
“Hahaha, yeah, dude . . . I’m just fuckin’ with you, man,” said Frank.
“Wait a second,” I said, staring at Frank, puzzled. “You work here and you stand outside asking people for money?”
“Well, I don’t know how much ‘work’ I do,” he said with a wry smile, making air quotation marks with his hands. “And plus, when I stand outside, people walk right by me. You were the only one who even said something and didn’t just stare right through me. So thanks for being the only person who acknowledges my existence in this place.”
“I’ll see you on Monday, Frank,” I said.
“Oh shit, did Ted just hire you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I guess he did.”
“Cool. Well, I’m out. Gonna go try to fuck one of these girls,” Frank said, walking in the direction of the college chicks working the cash registers. “Catch you later, Flynn!”
He tossed me his rubber ball as I waved. I nearly dropped it trying to catch it, then began to walk out of the store. I stopped in my tracks.
“Wait a sec,” I said, turning around to ask him how he knew my name . . . but before I could, he was gone.
“See you Monday, Ronda,” I said on my way out.
“Not if Jesus answers my prayers and takes me in my sleep this weekend, baby!” I wasn’t sure if she was playing or serious. Either way, Ronda was pretty dark!
Oh, shit, wait . . . does that sound racist? I didn’t mean dark like her skin tone, because I think all women are beautiful, you know? Like, I mean, I have my preference, sure—I like blond girls with big tits, you know? I’m a guy in his midtwenties from the, like, whitest town in existence. I mean, I’m not saying whites stick together or anything, but . . . fuck! When I said Ronda was dark I meant her sense of humor, okay? Not her skin color.
Shit, man . . . can we just skip to Monday already?
CHAPTER 3
MONDAY ALREADY
It felt as if all I did was blink and there Monday was. There I was. Standing in front of the supermarket, bouncing my red rubber ball. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my first day. I was just happy to have the job. I wasn’t feeling particularly worried about it. Nor was I feeling overly excited. Just ready to get going. I needed the experience and I needed the money. Heading in, I grabbed a few stray carts, trying to make a good first impression.
“Hey kid!” said an old black man. He was sitting outside of the store playing chess.
“Uh, excuse me?” I replied.
“Where are you today?” he asked with a wise smile.
“What are you talking about, old man?”
He picked up a red knight and moved it up and to the right.
“Where are you?” he demanded. “Where are we? Right now.”
“Uuuhhhh . . . clearly at a supermarket.” This guy is crazy, I thought.
“Oh, that’s unfortunate. Well, let’s talk when you’re actually back.” He turned back to his game, moving his bishop.
“Okay man . . . ,” I said, a little creeped out. I’d never seen someone play chess against himself. Guess this guy had a lot going on upstairs.
I stared into the store from the outside. I spotted a few customers. One man stood clutching a cup of coffee, holding it to his nose, inhaling, muttering something to himself. Every time a customer would activate the sliding doors, I could faintly hear him. “Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!!!!” Dude was into his joe.
Looking around I saw other people, including Ted Daniels, the assistant manager, greeting customers.
“Hello there, friend, welcome!” he said with that unsettling smile.