“You’re the best cousin ever.”
“Our parents would be ashamed of us.”
“Our parents are on vacation on a cruise ship for a month. They should be ashamed of abandoning us in our time of need.” I pulled two walkie-talkies from my nightstand.
Hannah took the one I pushed her way. “How could they possibly know that your ex-fuck buddy would buy the house next door?”
“I don’t know. I’m just needy, okay?” I snorted. “Let’s check that this works.”
“I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“You’re being a set of eyes for me. Wait here.” I walked into the bathroom and held down the button. “Can you hear me?”
The line crackled. “Yes, Lady Ridiculous, I can hear you.”
I didn’t appreciate her attitude.
I went back into the bedroom and clapped my hand against my forearm in celebration. “Let’s do this.”
“Wait. What window are you putting it on? Aren’t you scared you’re going to put the fear of God into his daughter? She’s, like, three, Immy.”
“I know, I know.” I paused. “Grandma spied on him.”
“Oh, for the love of God.
“Again, I know.”
“That woman needs an intervention, I’m telling you.” She handed me the stupid clown with a shudder. “So do you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. This is just until I can think of something else I can do that won’t scare Maya and doesn’t require me getting too close to him.”
“Why? Are you worried your vagina will jump right off your body and latch onto his penis? Maybe your ovaries?”
“Shut up.” I stalked into Grandma’s room and peered over at the house next door.
It was past midnight and it was completely pitch black. Hannah joined me, and we both watched for a moment to make sure.
“They’re asleep,” she whispered. “Are we gonna do this?”
I nodded. “Let’s go.”
Together, we crept down the stairs like a pair of ninjas. We were even dressed in black because, well, why not?
Grandma was asleep with The Great British Bake-Off blaring from the TV screen courtesy of Netflix, and we passed just as Mary Berry criticized someone’s moistness.
Hannah shuddered, and I stifled a laugh.
The ladder was already waiting for us outside, and together, we got it down off the front porch onto the yard. Hannah nodded, fist-bumping me, and headed back inside to do her job.
Make sure I don’t get caught, in other words.
I hauled the ladder over to Mason’s front yard and quietly laid it against his house. Extending it would be the trickiest part of this endeavor. Not the safest part, either.
Huh. Maybe I should have made Hannah do this bit.
Never mind. You live and learn.
Hopefully, I lived.
Nothing was guaranteed here. Not my life, not my dignity… Nothing.
The ladder creaked a little as I extended it. I winced, but at least it didn’t clang against the wall. There was a small win.
I’d take what I could get.
I tucked the stupid clown under my arm and took to the ladder. Carefully—the last thing I wanted was for my giant clomping steps to alert him to my presence.
Despite my best efforts, the ladder groaned louder the closer I got to the top. I winced with every step, and I was about to push through the final few steps to reach his window when my radio crackled from my pocket.
“Immy! The light!”
I jerked my head up to look at the window. Aw, shit! She was right! Mason’s light was on and I…
I was in trouble.
I backed up, moving as quickly down the ladder as I possibly could. I was three rungs from the bottom when the curtains swished open and his face appeared in the window.
I squealed and lost my footing, falling the rest of the way down to the ground where I landed on my ass with a massive thud. The grass was wet and squelched as I sank into it, but I didn’t care much in that second because I was pretty sure I’d just seen my life flash before my eyes.
No doubt I was now covered in mud, and there was sure as hell no way to escape this mess I’d just gotten myself into.
Ugh.
Light flooded the yard, and both mine and Mason’s front doors swung open at the same time. I pushed myself up into sitting and took a good look at myself.
I was covered in mud.
Absolutely covered.
Mason ran down his path to me and held out his hands. Reluctantly, I placed mine in his with a pout, and he pulled me to my feet and out of the muddy puddle I’d just happened to land in.
Because of course I had.
“Oh, my God,” Hannah breathed.
Mason glanced at her before he looked me over. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” The only thing bruised was my ego. “I didn’t fall far.”
“Can I ask why you have a ladder against the side of my house?” He raised his eyebrows, and his lips pulled up to one side, reflecting the amusement I could see glinting in his eyes.
My hands were still in his.
I tugged them back and lost my footing on the muddy mess I’d made. Mason was quicker than me, and he grabbed me by the upper arms to stop me from falling on my ass twice in five minutes.
“Maybe you should go inside where it’s safe, and you can explain tomorrow.”
“Oh, shut up!” I muttered, shaking him off me. I grabbed the walkie talkie from the ground and stomped toward my house.
His laughter followed me the entire way. Humiliation burned through me, but really, I should have known there was no way I could pull that off. Should’ve waited until Maya had left and then just put it on the kitchen window or something.
Ugh.
I kicked my muddy sneakers off before going inside.
“Well, that went well,” Hannah said dryly, shutting the door behind us.
Grandma was apparently done with her Netflix binge because the living room was empty, and thank God. I’d never live this down if she saw me looking like something that just erupted out of a swamp.
I pulled off my sweater and t-shirt on my way upstairs. I wasn’t going to justify responding to Hannah right now.
Mostly, I had nothing to say. I was too busy hating myself for such a stupid idea because it was one more win for Mason.
Ugh.
And of course the store wasn’t open tomorrow, so there was no way I could get out of this inevitable conversation.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
CHAPTER NINE – IMMY
Pancakes And Obituaries
The familiar ‘dun, dun, dun’ of the song Another One Bites the Dust shook my bedroom floor.
This was not how I wanted to start my Sunday. If Grandma was playing Queen, it meant she was planning on guilting me into a date. I’d done it for her three times now, and not one of those dates had worked out.
I rolled over and checked my phone on the nightstand.
Eight-fifteen.
Wasn’t she supposed to be at church? This was my only day off this week, damn it.
Dun. Dun. Dun.
Followed by Grandma’s shrieking rendition of the chorus.
“Jesus Christ.”
I had no idea why I was muttering his name—he wasn’t helping me right now.
I peeled myself out of the sheets to standing, yawned, then made my way downstairs. There was a huge stack of pancakes in the middle of the kitchen table.