I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want it to go away, though I’d done my best to put a modicum of space between us, thin as it was. There was nothing else I could do since realizing my feelings and the subsequent awareness that they probably weren’t returned. Except to tell him the truth.
But if I lost my safe place now, I’d come unraveled.
I closed my eyes and hung on to Kash with all my strength, solidly in denial where I would remain until I had no other choice.
The ballroom was pandemonium. Racks of chairs were being filled noisily. The kitchen crew rid tables of remaining glasses and flatware. Table linens were stripped and dumped into rolling bins. My two remaining interns were helping Kash pack up the centerpieces and displays, and by the look of it, they were nearly done. Sadly, Tess’s organization didn’t work in reverse—everything had been shoved willy-nilly in boxes and loaded onto carts, which hotel employees were already rolling out the back to be moved into his van. He directed it all with that cool, collected way he had about him, commanding attention while somehow remaining affable and undemanding. And everyone listened because everyone loved him.
I, on the other hand, ruled by fear. Not on purpose—it was just my nature. A byproduct of my incessant suspicion and general mistrust that someone else could do any given job to my requirements. Especially when the results of their work reflected directly on me.
As I checked in with the various crews, I watched Kash out of my periphery, wishing I could be so relaxed while being that productive. People said I was unflappable when in fact I got ruffled rather easily. Kash Bennet was truly unflappable. He remained unperturbed under the most stressful and chaotic of circumstances. When faced with a challenge, he kept a confident calm, assumed that everything would work out, and vowed to help however he could to make it so.
If he could bottle that up and sell it, I’d buy a truckload.
When I made it around to him, his arms were buried to the shoulders as he lowered the wound-up garland into a huge box.
“Looks like you’re almost done,” I said. “I think that’s the fastest floral load-out I’ve ever seen.”
“Well,” he said as he stood, “I figured I’d better get to it if I’m going with you to the club.”
I flushed with gratitude. “Are you sure? It’s going to be nothing but rich, drunk celebrities and socialites for hours.”
“If you think I’m letting you walk into that snake pit alone, you don’t know me at all.”
“Thank you,” I said, relieved that I’d have backup. “I have to get going. Meet me there?”
A nod and a smile. “I’ll be right behind you.”
The depth of that statement didn’t escape me. He had my back, and I didn’t take that for granted.
With a brief kiss and last-minute instructions to my interns, I was on my way out, carrying out phase two of the night that wouldn’t end. There was very little for me to do at the club. The venue had been rented out and would run as it always did. They had their own security and amenities, and as such, there wasn’t much for me to coordinate. But I couldn’t leave until the last guest was gone. Part of my job was to be on hand in case something went wrong. I was the fixer, the person whose sole purpose was to make sure everything went exactly as planned. But once we hit the balloon drop, the champagne distribution, the giant cake, and the birthday singing, I would have nothing to do but be present for the last two hours of the night.
Hopefully, Natasha would be too busy to bother with me. Thank goodness I’d have Kash to keep me company. And then, when it was all said and done, we could go back to the hotel and climb into bed, and he could make me forget tonight ever happened.
I held onto that thought as I slipped into a cab and rushed to the club. It was a gorgeous building, everything black and gold, the sign reading Noir in an art deco font. In fact, everything was deco, from the geometric bursts and slashes in glimmering gold to the finger curls and shimmering fringe of the aerial dancers suspended from the ceiling.
Everything was exactly in order, the club beginning to fill up. The hundred people we’d carted over were the tip of the iceberg—she’d invited eight hundred of her closest friends, and I suspected with their dates and people attempting to sneak in, we would hit the venue’s capacity.
As promised, Kash was right behind me. He took up post at the smaller bar off the dance floor, sipping on whiskey and serving as a silent presence, a touchstone in the madness of the club while I floated from post to post, making sure everything was running smoothly. Although the party was full of celebrities and invite only, there was still a VIP section upstairs, and I made my way up on my circuit with no real intention other than to keep moving.
Brock stood at the bar, long body stretched out as he leaned against the surface, elbow on the glossy onyx trimmed with gold, drink hanging in the circle of his fingers. Natasha was nowhere to be seen, and for that, I was grateful. Although the space was barely lit and full of people, his eyes snapped to me, just like they’d done all night.
Discomfort wriggled in me, and I straightened myself up to banish it, heading for the other end of the bar where one of the managers stood.
A brief conversation with her confirmed that everything was up to scratch, and with a word of thanks, I turned to get out of there before Natasha came back. I’d successfully avoided her all night, and though I was sure my luck would run out at some point, I wasn’t planning on knocking on its door.
Brock, it seemed, had other plans.
He pushed off the bar, striding toward me like a bullet. Pretending I didn’t see him, I kept moving for the stairs.
“Lila,” he called.
But it was loud, so I kept walking as if I hadn’t heard.
His hand on my arm was unfortunately unavoidable.
I stopped. Turned. Looked down at his hand, which he removed with a slide, his fingers tasting the shape of my forearm before dropping away.
“Are you all right?” he asked, brows drawn.
“What do you care?” I asked back with a calm I didn’t feel.
“A lot actually.” A pause. “Listen, I know this isn’t easy—”
“Don’t pretend to understand how I feel. Now, if you’ll excuse me—”
“No, I won’t excuse you. Because I know you’re not okay, Lila.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because contrary to your belief, I do care.”
A humorless laugh shot out of me.
At least he had the decency to look remorseful. “I’m sorry for this. For all of it. I just wanted you to know.”
“You mean you wanted me to let you off the hook.” I stared at the stranger before me, finding the truth of that accusation all over his face. “I can’t believe you. You really expect me to clear your conscience? Because I may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.”
Rather than flinching like I’d hoped, he drew himself up to his full height, eyes narrowing. “This … none of this is what I thought it would be.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“When she came to me—” He caught himself, pausing to reorient what he’d been planning to say. “None of the reasons make sense to me anymore, Lila. I can’t seem to understand how we got here.”