“No fucking way!” Ryder says. “Guys don’t have to kiss each other.” He motions to Susie. “Susie is right here. I’ll kiss her.”
“Jason,” Danielle says, reaching into the circle and picking up the bottle, like by holding it she has the power to speak. “My house. My rules. And I say you have to kiss Chase.”
I see the twinkle in her eye. She’s loving this. This is her payback to Ryder for what he just did to Ava and for what he said to Danielle in the senior lounge. It’s her payback to Chase for a lot more. “Come on, boys, we don’t have all night.” She smirks and taps the bottle against her open palm. Tap. Tap. Tap.
“This game is fucking stupid,” Ryder says. “I don’t need a game to get with girls.” He stands up. “I’m getting another beer.”
“Does that mean you’re out, Jason?” Danielle asks, her voice saccharine sweet. He walks into the kitchen and raises a hand in the air, flipping her off without turning around. “So touchy,” she says.
“Do I get to spin?” Chase holds his palm out to Danielle. She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and then places the bottle into his open palm.
“Use it for good, Brosner.”
“I’ll just kiss you instead.” He turns the bottle so it points in her direction. “You’re the one I want it to land on.”
“Those aren’t the rules.” She turns the bottle back at him. “Spin.”
“Dani,” he says, his voice soft.
“Spin.”
He sighs and reaches forward, giving the bottle a spin. It lands on Danielle, of course. Because that’s the way things work for Chase. She rolls her eyes and leans over the circle toward him.
“All right, Brosner, fair is fair. Lay one on me.”
He smiles and grabs the back of her head, gently pulling her toward him. She keeps her lips pressed tightly together as his inch closer. Still, I see her break into a smile right before they touch, like she can’t help it, like maybe she wanted to kiss him all along.
I glance over at Andrew, hoping he doesn’t look too upset, but he’s barely even watching. He’s staring down at the floor, drawing a pattern in the wood with his thumb. He must feel my gaze on him, because he looks up and over to me.
Are you okay? I ask him telepathically. Is this hard to watch?
This game sucks, he says back.
Danielle places the bottle down on the floor and spins, and we all watch as it rotates back and forth. I take a long swig of tequila. At this point, the margarita mix isn’t necessary, because the tequila alone has started to taste pretty good, sort of sweet and tangy at the same time. When I set down the handle and look back at everyone, I notice that the bottle on the floor is pointing right at Andrew.
Everyone in the circle cheers, and Danielle crawls toward him, using her finger to motion him forward. They meet halfway and his hands slide through her hair like they belong there, and then they’re kissing. I saw them kiss before, in the car, but not like this. Not since I knew he loved her. I realize I’m still holding the bottle of tequila, and hand it back to the person next to me.
Then it’s Andrew’s turn to spin, and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t want it to land on me, because I don’t want to kiss him in front of anyone, in front of everyone. But I don’t want the bottle to land on anyone else either. I don’t want to think about what that means.
“Reed’s already kissed every girl in the circle!” Simon says.
“Not everyone,” Andrew says.
“Not Collins!” Edwin says, and I wince. Andrew’s ears redden, but he’s laughing and the bottle is spinning, spinning, spinning. Someone hands me the tequila and I take a sip, letting my eyes blur, letting my throat burn and my stomach fill with heat. Andrew looks over at me for a brief second, our eyes meeting quickly, before he turns back to the bottle, and I wonder what he’s thinking; if he’s worried about the bottle landing on me.
The bottle rolls to a stop and I feel suddenly like I’m about to cry.
It’s pointing at Hannah.
I raise a hand up to my mouth to try to cover the sound that’s escaped from me. Somehow I haven’t considered this possibility. Somehow it’s the worst one. I know it shouldn’t matter. This is a game, so it doesn’t count. My breath is coming out in short spurts, and I want to tell them I don’t feel well, tell them to stop, tell them they’re making me dizzy. But what right do I have? We all knew the rules of the game when we sat down to play. I’ll just embarrass myself if I say anything, only make Danielle think I have feelings I don’t have.
I stare down at the floor, trying not to watch, fixing my gaze on an imperfection in the wood, a long scuff mark where someone must have dragged a chair or a table. Everyone is clapping and cheering, but I can barely hear them. I glance up, because I can’t resist, because we’re always drawn to the things we’re most repulsed by.
Andrew and Hannah aren’t kissing. They’re both looking at me.
“What are you waiting for?” Danielle asks. “Kissy kissy.”
“I can’t,” Hannah says. I feel relief flood into me, relief that has no right to be there.
“We can’t,” Andrew repeats.
“Don’t be stupid,” Danielle says. “Everyone else has kissed. You could’ve already been done by now.”
He glances quickly back and forth from me to Hannah to Danielle, and back to me.
“Just do it!” Simon shouts.
“I don’t want to, okay?” Hannah says, her voice getting sharper. “Can’t we just mutually decide to bow out of this round? He’s your prom date anyway. It’s too weird.”
Danielle turns to Andrew. “As your prom date, I give you permission.”
“It’s not going to happen,” he says.
I know they’re acting this way for my sake and I’m grateful to them, but it also makes me nervous. Did they see the panic I was trying so hard to hide?
“Fine.” Danielle folds her arms and sits back with a pout. “Fine. New rules. Whatever. Hannah, just give your kiss to someone else.”
“Hey,” Ava says, “that’s not fair. I wouldn’t have kissed Ryder if I didn’t have to.”
“Stop pretending you don’t like him,” Danielle snaps, and Ava looks away. “All right, Hannah. Who do you want to make Andrew kiss?”
“Pick Chase!” Cecilia says. “Pick Edwin!” Pick me, I know she’s thinking.
But of course Hannah will pick Danielle. She knows Andrew is in love with her—the secret I wasn’t supposed to tell. That’s why Danielle is changing the rules in the first place. Because she knows Hannah will pick her too.