"But yours did," I suggested.
Lex nodded. "Even once the diabetes was diagnosed, it was hard to find someone who was willing to monitor my health. I had a couple of really good case workers who tried to get me into homes as often as they could whenever I got out of the hospital, but the group homes were a little easier. It meant I got to be with King and Con. Did King tell you how we met?"
"He did," I said.
"He probably downplayed his and Con's roles."
"What do you mean?"
"They didn't just protect me while we were in foster care together," he murmured. "They're both older than me so they aged out before I did. Do you know what happens when you age out?"
"They put you on the streets and you’re pretty much on your own."
"If it had just been the two of them, they probably would've just moved on. But they had to take care of me." I saw Lex shiver, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was cold or if it was something else. Either way, I knew he needed a break.
"Let's go inside, okay?"
Lex nodded and let me lead him into the house. I got him settled at the kitchen table and then went to the refrigerator to find him something to drink. I placed a bottle of water in front of him.
"Tell me about your brothers, Lex."
Lex drew in a deep breath. "After they aged out, they still somehow managed to keep tabs on me. Sometimes I'd end up in a foster home where one or both of the parents would threaten to knock me around or one of the older kids would rough me up, but as soon as King or Con saw even a single bruise on me, those people never touched me again. Sometimes I’d just end up back in the group home, but other times it was like the parents or the kids were afraid of me."
"Your brothers really love you."
"They do," Lex choked out and then he was wiping at his eyes. He took a moment to collect himself and said, "My health problems continued as I got older. The diabetes damaged my kidneys and I ended up on dialysis while I was waiting for a transplant. I was sixteen when I went on the transplant list, but there are so many people on those lists… so many deserving people and not enough organs." Lex sighed and said, "Con and King were so upset. I'd never seen them like that. It was one battle neither of them could fight for me."
I reached my hand out to cover Lex's. He gripped it hard. "What happened?" I asked.
"I got sicker and sicker. I pretty much lived in the hospital because I spent so much time on the dialysis machines. I was ready to die, Gideon. I was so ready."
His words had me pulling his hand to my chest. The idea that I could've lost him before I'd even found him was fucking with my head big time.
"But King and Con refused to give up on me. They both got tested to see if they were a match. It turned out that Con was." A tear slipped down Lex's face. "You should've seen him, Gideon. As soon as Con found out, he was trying to check himself into the hospital. I think if he could've taken his own kidney out, he would have." Lex smiled a little, but it was a sad smile. He wiped at his tears and mumbled, "Sorry."
I assumed he was apologizing for the tears, so I pulled his hand up and kissed his palm. "Don't be. You got the transplant," I said. I'd noticed the scar on his side when we’d been making love, but I’d been too preoccupied to ask about it.
"Yeah. But not until I turned eighteen. Since Con wasn’t related to me and I had no family, there was a lot of red tape. I think it just came down to the state not wanting to pay for the transplant and the hospital not wanting to risk me not having a support system in place to help me recover. Anyway, as soon as I turned eighteen, I had the surgery. I was pretty sick by then, so it was hard to find a doctor who was willing to perform the operation. And my insurance through the state wouldn't cover it because they said I should stay on the dialysis machines."
"How did you get the surgery, then?”
“Con and King. They paid for it themselves. And they found a doctor who was willing to perform the procedure despite the risks.”
“That kind of procedure and supportive care couldn’t have been cheap,” I offered. My opinion of his brothers, even the one who’d turned my face into hamburger, shot up exponentially.
“It wasn’t,” Lex said softly. “I never found out how King got the money for his half, but Con got his by joining an illegal fight club.” Lex dashed at his eyes. “You should have seen him, Gideon. He was covered in bruises all the time… I begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Neither of them would. Not until they had every penny.”
When Lex took a moment to get his emotions under control, I remained silent, but I ran my thumb over his to remind him I was there.
“The surgery was a success and after I recovered, I went to live with King and Con. It kind of feels like that’s when my life really started."
"Makes sense," I said.
"It felt like I wasn't worth anything to anyone for the first eighteen years of my life, Gideon. Except to Con and King. And eventually my other brothers, Luca and Vaughn. I thought things would be different when I was an adult. I dreamed of having my own family. I wanted to wake up next to my husband every morning and have our kids come running into the room and jump in bed with us. I wanted my brothers to be annoyingly overprotective uncles. I wanted… I wanted to be wanted." Lex began rubbing his free hand over the table. "But the men came and went. Other things did too. Jobs, friends… there was only one constant in my life."
"Your brothers."
Lex nodded. "After my video game business took off, my social life became a lot more active. I know you don't like hearing about other men—"
"I don't," I admitted. "But I need to hear this."
"I started dating guys who were very different from the few I’d been with when I was younger. Good-looking, educated men with aspirations. I tried just enjoying dating someone new each night, but I'm not wired that way. I never was. I didn't know how to meet a man who'd want the same things as me. The ones who said they did turned out to only be interested in my money or in getting their fifteen minutes in the spotlight. And then came Grady."
Lex stopped toying with the table and did his best to look directly at me. I was still holding his hand, so I could feel how cold and clammy it was.
"I'm a mess, Gideon. That's who I am," he said simply. "I might look put together on the outside, but inside I'm still that little kid who's tired of hoping for something that might never happen. I'm terrified of loving you. But I do. You make me feel things even when I can't see them. I can see the world through your eyes. I can feel it through your touch, and I can hear it through your words. You want me to tell you what I want… what I want is you, Gideon. I just want you."
My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest at his admission. Never in a million years had I thought he could feel that way about me. That he could feel the same way that I did.
"Lex," I began to say, but then Brewer began barking. I heard the sound of a car coming down the driveway.
"King's here," Lex said softly as he stood up. "I guess I should get my things."