I tug a shirt over my head and glance over at my bed, picturing him there like he was last week. He has such a nice smile. I want the chance to find all the ways to draw it out. I want to learn what kinds of movies he likes and what his favorite foods are. I want to know what he does for fun and for work. And I really want to learn all the different ways to make him moan.
Fuck, I want him to like me.
The cafe where I asked him to meet me isn’t far, so I decide to walk. As I near the shop, I spot Bishop waiting outside for me. He’s leaning against the brick exterior, his hands stuffed into his pockets, staring into the distance with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“Hey,” I say once I’m close enough. He whips his head around, and a slow smile creeps over his lips.
“Hey.”
He pushes off the building and approaches me a little awkwardly. I don’t blame him. This is a little weird. We’ve spoken exactly twice.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d show up or not,” I admit, holding the door open for him and waving him through.
“You were vague enough that I couldn’t help but be curious,” he admits.
“Then my plan worked perfectly,” I joke with a grin.
We both order drinks, I pay, and then we snag a table in the corner so we can talk.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Bishop asks as soon as we sit down. He takes a sip of his coffee and eyes me with curiosity.
“Right to the point, I get it,” I say with a smile. I prefer the direct approach. Once we get this part of the conversation out of the way, hopefully we can enjoy our coffee date and get to know each other a little. “This is one of those things that I’m never sure at what point I should reveal to people I’m interested in. Normally, I might try to get to know each other a little more first, but when you said you’re in love with two guys, I kept thinking about it after you left, and I realized I needed to lay it all out there. The way I see it, even if you aren’t interested in a repeat of the other night, at least you might need a friend to talk to,” I ramble. Fuck, you’d think all the mental rehearsing I’ve done would’ve given me a more focused way to present this.
“I have no idea what you’re getting at,” he says.
“Right, sorry.” I give him a wry smile as a way of apology. Writing words is so much easier than talking words. “I’m just going to put it out there; I’m polyamorous.”
I take a sip of my coffee and give him time to process. Bishop stares at me, his own drink halfway to his mouth. Confusion is written all over his face.
“I’ve definitely heard of that, but I can’t say I know much about it. That’s like swinging or something, right? I’m not sure why you’re telling me.”
“No, it’s not swinging. To avoid more rambling, I’ll keep it simple and say I can love more than one person at a time, and I tend to have relationships with multiple people at a time,” I explain as succinctly as possible.
“Oh,” he says. “Oh,” he repeats after a few more seconds, understanding seeming to dawn on him. “I’m not in multiple relationships, I’m just pining for too many men who I can’t have,” he explains with a self-deprecating laugh, his cheeks going slightly pink
“That’s how it usually starts,” I say with a chuckle, remembering my teen years, when I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to date only one person, or why people insisted I should only have one crush. “My point is, if you want to talk about your situation or anything, I can probably offer a helpful insight.”
“I appreciate that.”
“And, uh, if you wanted to hookup again, I’d be down for that too, and I wouldn’t expect you to not be in love with other people at the same time,” I go on, just to make sure he’s fully aware of where I’m coming from.
“Right.” He looks down at his coffee cup, running his thumb along the seam, appearing to think about everything I’ve said.
“How did you know you were polyamorous and not just bad at commitment?” he asks.
“I’m great at commitment; I just think our capacity for love is bigger than most people let themselves see.”
Bishop nods, and I notice his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as if he’s feeling the weight of society’s expectations fall away for the first time. I remember how good that moment felt. The corners of his lips tilt up in a smile, and he looks up from his cup, his eyes meeting mine.
“And maybe like love doesn’t have to be as possessive as some people make it?” he adds.
“Exactly.”
“So, maybe I’m not greedy or indecisive for loving two people? Maybe I’m just polyamorous?”
“You’re not greedy,” I assure him.
“Wow, I…” He gives his head a small shake, the smile on his mouth continuing to brighten. “I’m really glad I came to have coffee with you.”
“I’m glad too,” I agree. “And not just for the selfish reasons,” I joke, and he chuckles.
“You really want to, what, date me? Knowing I love Hudson and Leo?”
“I really want to date you,” I say, focusing on the only part of that sentence that has any bearing as far as I’m concerned.
“Okay,” he says slowly, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth and then giving me a shy smile. “You can take me on a date.”
Bishop
“Why don’t we finish our pre-date coffee first and go from there,” Riot suggests, and I laugh again. There’s something about his laid-back, confident energy that’s difficult to resist.
My mind is still buzzing over the word polyamorous. Sure, I’ve heard it before in passing, but I’ve never given it much thought. Hearing Riot explain what it means to him had a spark of excitement and rightness rushing through me. It’s just like when I realized I was gay, there’s a distinct feeling of yes, that’s me making my heart beat a little faster and my mind race.
I find it hard to believe that he actually wants to date me and even harder to believe that I agreed to it. I’m sure it won’t amount to anything more than a few hookups before he gets bored. But I can enjoy it while it lasts, right?
“That sounds like a good plan,” I agree. “So, do you have a lot of other guys you’re dating right now?” He said he’s polyamorous, so that’s a fair question, isn’t it? I’m not exactly sure of the protocol here. I’ve never been a big dater anyway, what with being in love with my best friends and everything.
“No one else at the moment. I just moved to California a few months ago, and I’ve been too busy working to date much.”
“Where are you from?”
“Pennsylvania originally, but I’ve been all over for the past few years.”
“Does that mean you aren’t planning to stay here long?” I ask, my heart dropping at the thought of him taking off before I’ve had much chance to get to know him. This whole situation is a little crazy, but for once it doesn’t feel like I’m trying to fit into a box I don’t belong in. I hardly know Riot, but being around him is the first time I’ve fully felt like myself in my whole life.
He grins, just a hint of smugness shining through as if he can sense my train of thought. “That all depends.”