Melanie was still in her hospital room but was being released later. The baby would stay for at least a week, perhaps more, until he’d gained a pound or two and his breathing had completely normalized.
“She wants to stay here with him,” Joe said. “I booked her a suite at the Carlton.”
“You staying with her?” I asked.
“I want to, but she insists I get back and figure out what’s going on.” He sighed. “It breaks my heart to leave them, but she’s right.”
Marj looked up then. “When are you going to give this little guy a name?”
Joe sighed again. “I don’t know. We were going to name him Brad, after Dad, but now? Knowing he might have faked his death yet again? I don’t know.”
“He’s still your dad, no matter what. He meant a lot to you. What’s wrong with naming your son after him?” I stroked the baby’s soft cheek.
“I don’t know, man. It just doesn’t feel right.”
“What does Mel think?” Marj asked.
“She thinks I need to get over myself.” Joe chuckled.
“You should listen to your wife,” Marj said.
“I usually do,” Joe said. Then, to me, “Remember our first son pact?”
“I feel bad for kids with only one dad,” I said, making the last fold on my paper airplane.
“Some kids don’t have a dad at all.” Joe added a pinstripe to the wing on his.
“Our dads are the best.” I shot the plane into the air.
Brad Steel had taught me how to make a perfect paper airplane. He’d taught me to work the land, to do an honest day’s work.
My own father had taught me how to pitch a tent, how to fish for my own food, how to shoot a gun.
“I’m going to name my first kid after your dad,” I said.
“Then I’ll name mine after yours. And mine. Thomas Bradford Steel.”
“Bradford Thomas Simpson,” I said.
Joe spit on his hand. “Let’s shake on it.”
I spit, and we shook. “Deal.”
“Damn,” I said. “I’d actually forgotten about that.”
“So you don’t mind if I break it?”
“Of course not. I already have. I guess Henry should have been Bradford Thomas. Instead he’s Henry Thomas. Frankie wanted to name him after an uncle she admired. I’m going to change his middle name once all this blows over. I don’t want him bearing that bastard’s name.”
“Obviously I wasn’t going to stick to it either,” Joe said. “Not after…”
He didn’t need to finish. Not after he found out who my father actually was.
“Why not name him Bradley instead of Bradford?” Marj suggested. “Then you can call him Brad, so he’s sort of named after Dad, but he also has his own name.”
Joe lifted his brow. “I actually really like that idea. You think Mel will go for it?”
“I think Mel will be fine with it,” Marjorie said. “Plus, Bradley Steel is a great name.”
“What will his middle name be?” I asked.
“Melanie wants Jonah, after me.”
“Then let Mel have her way,” Marj said. “Bradley Jonah Steel. Sounds perfect to me.”
“I don’t know. This might be the only kid we have. I want him to have his own name.”
“First of all,” Marj said. “Melanie got through this pregnancy with no issues at all.”
“Except preterm labor,” Joe reminded her.
“Most likely brought on by stress. Does she want to have more children?”
“We both would,” Joe said.
“You’re acting like she’s an old lady. She’s forty, for God’s sake, and she looks ten years younger.”
“Forty is old for having kids,” Joe said. “We both understand that.”
“No reason why you can’t try again. Heck, you got pregnant this time without even trying.”
Joe laughed. “It’s that Steel sperm. It gets through no matter what.”
I punched Joe’s arm. “God, you Steels are a pain in the ass.”
“We’re the gift that keeps on giving,” he said.
Marj made a retching sound. “You’re not going to be like that, are you?” she cooed to baby Brad.
“The hell he’s not,” Joe said. “That’s prime Steel stock right there.”
Marjorie rolled her eyes. “You and Mel can always adopt too. Talon and Jade did.” She handed the baby to the nurse who entered.
“Time for him to eat,” the nurse said. “Let’s take you to Mama.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Marjorie
“He’s latching on really well,” Melanie said, nursing the baby. “That’s unusual for a preemie. And it’s a great sign.”
“He’s going to do fine,” I said. “He’s so beautiful. Look at that head of dark hair!”
“Steel hair for sure,” Melanie said.
“You never know,” I said. “That hair will fall out, and he might be blond like you.”
“Maybe.” She smiled.
“Whatever his coloring, he’ll be gorgeous. No doubt.” I swallowed. Joe had most likely told Mel everything that had happened…including the fact that Colin had cut Alex with a blade. Mel would know where that blade had come from.
Joe and Bryce had gone to get some coffee, and Melanie and I were alone in her private room while she nursed baby Brad.
“Mel…” I began.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I understand.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“The blade, Marj. I understand.”
“But I lied to you. Again. And to Bryce.”
“I’m not going to condone lying. Not to your therapist and especially not to your significant other. But the fact is you had the blade when you needed it. Something held you back, and it turned out your instinct was on the nose.”
“But that’s not why—”
“It’s okay. Really. Maybe I was wrong to insist you get rid of it. Therapists aren’t always right, you know. We do make mistakes sometimes.”
“You didn’t make any mistakes with Talon.”
“Childhood trauma is my specialty,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t make mistakes with your brother. Just because his outcome was great doesn’t mean I did everything perfectly. Perfection isn’t possible, Marj.”
Perfection isn’t possible.
No truer words.
Was that my issue? I wanted perfection in my life? No, not really. I wasn’t ever consumed with perfection…until I started cutting.
It had been my outlet, my way to stay sane when thinking about what my conception had cost my middle brother. Now, I wanted desperately to stop. Go cold turkey. Be strong enough not to need the security blanket.
Yes, I wanted perfection.
I wanted to be able to not need that stupid blade.
“You’re berating yourself,” Melanie said. “I can see it on your face.”