And the man was just a bit too damn positive.
She figured he was doing it for her sake, but just once she’d like to hear him complain about the fact they’d been dropped in the middle of a freaking forest. Or about how he wanted a shower. Or how he wanted something to eat other than squirrel meat, berries, leaves, and fungus. She knew he had to be uncomfortable and irritated, but he’d been almost cartoonishly upbeat all morning…and it was maddening.
Zoey did her best to maintain her own positivity as they continued on their trek. He’d tried to explain what his plan was and where they were going, but Zoey had tuned him out a little. The bottom line was that it didn’t matter, because neither of them had any real idea of where the hell they were. North of Anchorage? South? She just didn’t know.
The mountain peaks on either side of them stood like prison guards, not letting them go anywhere but south. It was almost as if they were herded in that direction, and Zoey couldn’t help but shiver.
She was so lost in thought, she almost ran into Mark’s back when he stopped. She caught herself just in time and peeked around him to see why he’d stopped.
Blinking in disbelief, she swore at the huge lake blocking their path. “Shit!” She looked up at Mark to see him studying the area intensely.
Sighing, she saw a rock nearby and trudged over to it. She plunked herself down and pulled her knees up. Hugging them to her chest, she lay her cheek on her knees and closed her eyes. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Yeah, they could probably walk around the lake, but it would take forever. Not that they had a set time frame. They could take an extra day, or three, and it wouldn’t make one damn difference in their situation.
But she didn’t want to take an extra day or three.
“Things could be worse,” Mark said after a moment.
Zoey clenched her teeth in irritation. She knew she was being unreasonably grumpy, but she couldn’t take Mark’s positive attitude at the moment. She knew things could be worse, but hey—things were actually pretty shitty right now as they were.
As her frustration grew, so did her irritation. Just once, she wanted to see Mark get upset. It wouldn’t change anything, and it wouldn’t make anything better, but it would make him a little more human in her eyes.
She knew she wasn’t being rational—it would be bad if they were both freaking out—but she couldn’t help the way she felt.
When she didn’t respond, he continued, unaware of her emotional turmoil. “I think I can see the edge of the lake to the west. It’ll take some time, but hopefully on the other side we’ll find a fisherman or hunter or something.”
When she still didn’t answer, Mark asked, “Did you hear me, Zo? This lake is a good thing. We’ll have lots of fresh water to drink, and maybe we’ll even be able to catch a fish for dinner instead of having to eat another squirrel.”
“Great,” she mumbled, wanting nothing more than to be back in her little house in Juneau living her boring, yet safe and warm life.
She felt one of Mark’s hands touch her calf and assumed he was kneeling in front of her. She didn’t open her eyes to see.
“Are you all right?” Mark asked softly.
That did it.
She’d been trying to be so strong, trying to hold in her fear and anger and frustration, but she couldn’t handle his compassion right now. “No,” she whispered. “I’m not all right.”
“What’s wrong? Talk to me, Zo.”
Lifting her head, Zoey looked into Mark’s concerned brown eyes and almost chickened out. She could tell him she was just tired, and then they’d start walking around the huge freaking lake…or she could tell him what was bothering her.
She chose honesty.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Mark’s brows furrowed. “Do what?”
“This. Pretend we’re on some fun camping trip or something. You haven’t complained once. I get that this is probably easy compared to some of the things you’ve seen and done, but it’s not for me. I hate it. Every bit of it! And hearing you be all upbeat and positive without even one complaint is killing me! Are you really that calm inside? Is this really no big deal for you? Because it is to me. Someone wants us to die out here, Mark! I need to know you’re even a little like a normal human. That you’re hurting. That you hate this. That you’re hungry, your feet hurt, something! And I know this all sounds ridiculous because both of us freaking out wouldn’t be good, but I’m so far out of my league here, and I just want you to be honest with me.”
He stared at her for a heartbeat, and for a second, Zoey thought he was just going to try to calm her. Then he spoke.
“I’m fucking pissed,” he said in a tone that more than conveyed his anger. “More so because this has to be related to my dad’s death and the reading of his will, which means that whoever is behind this is someone I probably know. Someone who was close to my dad. And that makes me want to literally fucking kill whoever it was. I hate that I let down my guard enough to allow it to happen in the first place. I fucked up, and now we’re both in this situation. I’m worried about you, but at the same time, I’m so impressed with how you’ve held up it isn’t even funny.
“I’m trying to be upbeat and positive because otherwise you’ll see a side of me I’m thinking would scare you. I’m concerned that we might have to walk another hundred miles before we find any evidence of another human. I’m scared we’re going to come into close contact with a bear or some other pissed-off animal, and I don’t have a weapon to defend us. I am hungry, and tired, and I’m missing my coffee—but you’re right; none of these things is anything I haven’t handled before.”
Zoey couldn’t take her eyes off the man in front of her. It was as if he were a completely different person…and she was kind of embarrassed that she was as turned on as she’d ever been while listening to him complain.
It was exactly what she’d needed. To see some deep emotion from him. Knowing he wasn’t taking their situation lightly, strangely, made her feel better.
“The most important thing during a mission is not to dwell on the negatives, but to look at the positives instead. That’s all I’m trying to do. But I’m human, Zo. Just like you. Don’t ever think that I’m not aware of the dangers we face. I’m probably more aware of them than anyone. I’m simply trying to stay upbeat because the alternative is to fall so deeply into our misery that we eventually just sit down and give up. And that’s not an option.
“I like you, Zoey. I liked you when we were eighteen, and I like you even more now. I hate that I can’t ask you out on a date like a normal man. That I can’t pick you up at your house and see you all dolled up for me. I want to watch you laugh and smile in the candlelight across a table at a fancy restaurant. To feel the anticipation and excitement when I take you home and try to figure out how to ask for a good-night kiss without looking like an ass. That sucks…and I hate it.”
Zoey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Mark Wright liked her? Liked her? Holy shit. “I don’t need that stuff,” she said without thinking. “Never have. I want a guy to be happy sitting around reading, while every now and then nudging me with his foot to let me know he’s thinking about me. Someone who’ll go grocery shopping with me and make me laugh in the cereal aisle. A man who isn’t afraid to let me see his emotions, and who will tell me he’s not in the mood because he has a headache and his bunions are killing him.”