It was a subject I really didn’t want to talk about but only because it led to knowing what other guys she had slept with, and I couldn’t fucking stomach hearing that answer. Not when I had tried so hard to keep that stuff out of my head. Not when I wanted her to only be mine.
“I’ve never brought any girl here. Hell, I’ve never brought any girl anywhere. Only you.” I reached out to cup her face and was grateful when she leaned into it instead of away from it. “It’s okay that we’re here?” I asked because, now, I was suddenly unsure.
She let out a slight laugh. “It’s okay. Maybe I’ll stop hating it now,” she said, and I opened my mouth in shock.
“You hate our parking structure?”
“Uh, yeah. You broke my heart, Cole. I had to hate anything that reminded me of you,” she said as if that explained it all, which, in a way, I guessed it did.
It was just that I had never hated anything that had to do with her. And this parking structure, which held memories of us, had become my solace. It was where I went to when I needed peace and quiet. I found it ironic that she’d avoided the one place that I kept coming back to.
“Time to make you love it again,” I said before reaching around into the backseat and pulling out some blankets and pillows I’d stashed there.
“What’s all this?” she questioned as I got out and went to work on setting up the blankets and pillows in the bed of my truck.
She quickly joined me, and I lowered my tailgate and hopped up, reaching for her hand. When she gave it to me, I pulled her up with little effort.
“Sit with me?” I said as I pressed my back against the pillows, propping them up and moving them to get comfortable.
She sat in between my legs, scooting until her back was flush with my front, and leaned into me.
“Your hair smells so good,” I said as I breathed it in. I almost couldn’t believe that I had her in my arms again.
“This is nice,” she said as her body relaxed.
I was hard as a rock and only getting harder. I wanted Christina in more ways than one but knew it wasn’t the right time. My dick really needed to get the memo and take it down a notch.
“Thank you for giving me a chance.”
She turned, her body angled awkwardly toward me, and I knew she wanted to say something, but she stopped herself. Cupping her cheek, I pulled her toward me, my tongue instantly searching for hers. She moved into me, turning all the way around so that her legs were wrapped around my waist. It definitely didn’t help in the dick-hardening part of things.
“You’re killing me,” I said as I continued kissing her, loving the way her lips felt against mine, grateful that she hadn’t tossed me out of her apartment when I showed up there last night.
Has it really only been a handful of hours since I declared my feelings for her? It felt like so much longer, and I knew it was because we had years of history lingering between us.
Breaking the kiss, I ran my fingers through her hair.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head as I looked into her blue eyes. “Nothing. I was just thinking about how comfortable I am with you. How natural it feels.”
She smiled, and it took up her whole damn beautiful face. “I feel the same way.”
“You do?”
She pulled her legs back and crossed them, taking her body away from mine, and I stopped myself from wrapping my hands around her waist and holding on for dear life. “Of course I do. We’re not strangers. We didn’t just meet an hour ago.”
“So, this is normal then? To feel this way?” I asked because what the hell did I truly know about relationships and love? Nothing. I knew fucking nothing.
“I think for us it is. It’s pretty logical that after three years, we’d feel this way.”
“You know, looking back now, I see it all so clearly. But it was so muddled at the time,” I started to explain what I had only more recently figured out and admitted to myself.
“What do you see?”
“How it’s always been you. Well, you and baseball. I didn’t think there was room for anything else. But you’ve always been there. I tried to outrun you for so long. I don’t want to run anymore.”
Christina’s mouth opened slightly, and she blew out a breath. “You can’t just walk around, saying things like that to a girl.”
I looked around. “I wasn’t walking.”
“You know what I mean.” She swatted my leg, and I knew that I had affected her by admitting the truth, but it’d felt good to say it out loud.
“I know we said we weren’t talking about the past, but I need to say one more thing. I am sorry for how I treated you. After my mom left, my dad never dated or remarried. I don’t have any idea what a normal couple looks like, realistically. I never learned, you know? And I’m not trying to make excuses. I just want you to understand that I’m a little messed up.”
“We’re all messed up. And our parents screw us up one way or another without ever meaning to. No one’s perfect,” she said, and I didn’t fail to notice that she hadn’t accepted my apology. She’d simply moved right past it.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” she said, and I wondered if she’d take back that response once I asked the question.
“Will you tell me about the no-alcohol rule? It’s been driving me crazy, not knowing.”
Her body visibly tensed, and I reached for her, moving her so that her back was pressed against my front once more. I wrapped my arms around her middle and held on, wanting her to know that I had her and that she was safe with me.
“It isn’t what you think,” she started to say, but her voice said otherwise.
I almost told her that she didn’t have to go on, that she didn’t need to tell me, but I wanted to know.
“It was my first high school party. Everyone was drinking. I thought it was so cool to take shots and drink mixed drinks like a grown-up, you know?”
Her tone was a mixture of sadness and anger, and I mentally braced for what I was sure was coming next. How was I going to stay calm and composed if she told me that someone had put their hands on her without her permission? Touched her when she hadn’t wanted them to? My mind raced, but her voice pulled me out.
“I was there with my best friend. I had a curfew that night, but she didn’t. So, when I left the party with a friend’s older brother who had come to pick a few of us up, she stayed behind. I knew I shouldn’t have left her, but she wouldn’t leave with me. I’d tried to get her come, but she’d kept saying no.”
I started rubbing the side of her arm with my hand, hoping to comfort her as she continued, “The next day, there were pictures of her passed out on the couch while guys lingered over her, making lewd gestures and stuff. They were all over the internet.”
I stayed quiet as she took her time.
“Nothing physically happened to her, but the pictures told a different story, you know? They looked really bad,” she said before moving away from me and turning so we could look each other in the eyes. “They made her look really bad.”
“How did she know nothing had happened if she was passed out?”
I wasn’t trying to sound accusing, but Christina’s tone turned defensive. The memory was still fresh in her mind, still upsetting.