Noah gave him a blank look.
“You know, those little bags full of flower petals that stink up drawers.”
“I still want them.”
“They’re just loose.” He opened the door and snatched them up. “See? They’re not even in a bouquet.”
Noah reached around him and grabbed a roll of twine. “So just bundle them together and wrap this around them.”
The man lifted his hands in the air in defeat. “Take them if you want. You can have them for free. But your bride is going to walk out on you the minute she sees them.”
“You don’t know my Libby.” His Libby. He marveled at his words. She was his. She was actually his.
“Do you have rings?”
“Oh, shit. We don’t have anything.” No wonder Libby had been so stressed over the last month. Even if Mitch had come up with the ideas, he knew she’d organized it all. Turned out there was a whole lot more to this wedding planning gig than two willing participants.
“Not to worry.” A smug smile lit up the man’s face. “We can take care of everything.” He moved over to a glass case full of rings. “We have a nice selection of rings over here that will fit anyone’s budget. From the bare basics to the high rollers.”
Noah seriously doubted high rollers got married here unless they were drop-dead drunk. But the selection ran from simple gold and silver bands to large diamond rings that he suspected might actually be cubic zirconia.
“Let me see those.” He pointed to silver bands—his and hers. The larger band was thick and the smaller band daintier, but both were smooth silver with tiny beading at the edges.
“After the bouquet decision, I’m not surprised,” the man grumbled under his breath. “These are part of our budget selection.”
Noah had to admit the design wasn’t much, but he was certain Libby would love them. He’d get her a diamond engagement ring later . . . from a more reputable place.
The man’s gaze zoomed in on Noah’s crotch and then moved slowly up his chest and stopped at his face. “What size are you?”
Uh . . .” What the hell was he talking about? Cup size? Then it dawned on him. “I already have a tux. See? I’m wearing it.”
“Not for the tux. The ring.” He pointed to Noah’s left hand, which rested on the counter. “What size ring do you and your bride wear?”
“Uh . . . I don’t know.” Noah hadn’t bought a ring since his class ring in high school, and ring sizes had never come up in conversation with Libby.
The man rolled his eyes and reached over to grab Noah’s hand. He shoved the ring on Noah’s left ring finger.
“This is all so sudden . . .” Noah joked. “And I’m already taken.”
Tito scowled and moved the ring around on Noah’s finger. “Lucky for you, it fits perfectly. Now we’ll see if the other one fits your bride.”
“What else do I need to get?” Noah asked, glancing over his shoulder at the door and wondering what was taking her so long. He reminded himself that the dress was a monster to maneuver. They’d be lucky if they were married by midnight. But he couldn’t shake the worry that she might change her mind.
“Professional photography? Minister? Music?”
“We have to pay for music?”
The man gave Noah a look that read cheap bastard. “We have a deluxe package that will provide it all and include a few extras.”
“Fine. Yes to all of it.”
The man grinned and then turned to his cash register to total everything up. “That will be nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars.”
Noah knew he was getting screwed, but he handed over his credit card willingly enough. He’d pay a hell of a lot more than that to marry Libby. He wanted it to be perfect for her, but he reminded himself that there were demon cherubs watching their every move. “What are the extras that come with the deluxe package?”
Tito smiled as he handed Noah the receipt. “Our top-of-the-line service, including an audience.”
Noah put his credit card back in his wallet. “Wait. An audience?”
“We’re ready!” Angelica shouted from behind the door.
A sigh of relief escaped Noah’s lips and he started for the dressing room, but Tito stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To see my bride.”
He shook his head. “Oh, no you aren’t. Give me that ring and march yourself inside the chapel and wait up front.”
He pulled the ring off his hand and handed it him. “But . . .”
“You don’t want to see her before she comes down the aisle.” He picked up the bouquet Noah had tied together with the twine. “I’ll give this to the bride.” He leaned to the side, partially covering his mouth. “And I’ll give you a heads-up if she takes off after seeing it.”
“Ha. Ha,” Noah mumbled, but his nerves were kicking in now that the majority of the alcohol had left his system. Libby had to be sobering up too. What if he was wrong about the flowers? What if she changed her mind about everything?
He really wanted to talk to her one last time, but as much as it killed him to admit it, Tito was right. Given how superstitious Libby tended to be, he didn’t want to press his luck by forcing his way in to see her. He pushed on the double wooden doors that bore a placard reading Holy Seraphim Chapel, took one step inside, and froze, completely unprepared for what he found there.
The chapel looked like it had been cobbled together by a drunken construction worker fired from Caesar’s Palace. They had tried to emulate European chapels with the domed ceiling, Corinthian columns, and stained glass, but on a much smaller scale. The effort had failed miserably.
The back wall was encased in an arch and a backlit stained glass window filled most of the space. It might have been pretty if not for the design. The panes were covered with the figures of grown men sporting short stubby wings and flowing fabric wrapped around their johnsons, which made them look like they were wearing diapers. Naked women surrounded them, gazing up in adoration. All the male figures were identical, as were the female figures, and to make matters worse, they had clearly been modeled after Angelica and Tito.
Oh. Fuck.
Crooked columns held up the arch and the platform floor in front of the window was painted a faux gray marble, as was the short aisle leading to the altar. The front of the room had held Noah’s attention so long he realized he’d missed the rest of the chapel. There were three arched niches on either side, all filled with concrete angels, which thankfully bore no resemblance to the two owners. The insides of the arches appeared to have been spray-painted a metallic gold.
The mural on the ceiling was composed of multiple scenes of a naked angel bearing a remarkable resemblance to Tito, although Noah was certain the artist had over-exaggerated the man’s penile girth and length. Angelica was there too, with wings this time, and there were multiple images of her and Tito in the throes of passion. One particularly memorable composition showed the two fornicating on a bench in a garden, with Tito thrusting from behind wearing a shit-eating grin.
Holy hell. Some things couldn’t be unseen.
Noah took several hesitant steps down the aisle, telling himself that Libby would probably love it. He suspected she was the only person on the planet who would.