Her words sent a new jolt of fear through him. He stiffened and started to pull out of her and put her down, but she locked her legs around his back and tightened her hold on his neck.
“Don’t shut me out. Please.”
The fear in her voice caught him off guard. He rested his forehead against hers and her body relaxed.
“I love you. I don’t care what they think.”
He shook his head. “They’re your friends. Of course you care what they think.”
“I’ll admit that Blair infuriated me and hurt me with her judgmental attitude . . .” Her voice wavered. “But she doesn’t run my life.”
“In their eyes, I will never be good enough for you. They will always be waiting for me to fuck up so they can tell you I told you so.”
She flashed him a tiny smile. “That will be a lot harder to do with them in Kansas City and me in Seattle.”
“I can’t ask you to give up twenty-five years of friendship for me.”
She grabbed his face and looked deep into his eyes. “Don’t you see? You’re not asking me to choose. You’re giving me the freedom to make my own choice. Blair sees me as an incompetent toddler incapable of making a responsible choice.” She took a breath. “I don’t think I can ever become the responsible person I want to be because it still won’t fit in with their vision of a responsible adult. They’re always judging me against their standards.”
“Libby. I can’t be the person who comes between you and your friends.”
“Don’t you hear what I’m saying? You aren’t coming between them and me. They are coming between us.” She kissed him—a gentle brush of her lips against his—her touch full of so much love it took his breath away. “I love you, Noah McMillan.”
“And I love you, Elizabeth Gabriella St. Clair McMillan.” He forced a grin. “You never told me your name is Elizabeth.”
Something flashed in her eyes. Doubt? Did it bother her that he had hadn’t known her real name until their wedding? “You never asked. I hate it. It’s so stuffy.”
He kissed the corner of her mouth. “You’re much more of a Libby to me. My Lib.”
She closed her eyes. “Yes, your Lib.”
His hold on her tightened. He was surprised by the possessiveness rushing through him. He’d thought he would feel more secure about their relationship once they were married, but he was more worried than ever. Now he was aware of what he risked losing.
Her eyes opened and he stared into their rich brown depths. Would he really get to stare into them every day for the rest of his life? The hope and contentment that thought gave him calmed his soul.
“Let’s finish washing up, then get breakfast,” she said, grinning. “I’ve worked up quite an appetite.” Her hold loosened and she was sliding down his body, slow and sultry, when a new horror hit him.
“We just had unprotected sex.”
She shook her head dismissively. “It’s okay. I already told you I have an IUD.”
“No, it’s not. I wanted to get checked out first. God . . . Libby . . . I’m sorry. I should have been more responsible.” Then it hit him. Maybe he would never be responsible enough to be a good husband. He wasn’t sure he could bear it if she joined the long list of people he’d failed.
“Noah. Stop.” She said it with more authority than he was used to hearing from her. “You’re my husband.” The smile she gave him was so sweet and soft his throat tightened. “We can have sex without condoms. But if it makes you feel better, we’ll use them until you know for sure, okay?”
Her words soothed the sting of his pain.
“I love you. Please don’t feel any guilt about making love to me. It doesn’t belong there.”
“Okay, but we have to use condoms until I know.”
She grinned. “I won’t let your manhood near me until it’s sheathed. But to be safe, perhaps I should get a chastity belt.”
He kissed her again, pressing her against the shower wall as a tidal wave of love and gratitude overcame him. She always knew just what to say to pull him from his dark places.
“Give me your shampoo,” she said. “I’ll wash your hair.”
They were more subdued than usual as they washed each other. The overwhelming fear he’d still lose her was almost enough to drown him. Here in this moment, it was easy for her to want to stay with him. But what about when they got back to real life? When her friends were with her in person? They’d always see him as a fuckup.
He had to prove them wrong and show them he was worthy of her.
He had to close the Abrahams deal.
Something deep inside told him to tell her what was going on. If anyone would understand his decision to impulsively quit his job, it was Libby. But she was so proud of him and the progress he’d made, and he felt like everything between them was precarious enough. He didn’t want to risk it. If he could set up a meeting with Abrahams, he’d tell her that he was working on a business deal. But if he couldn’t get the meeting, he’d tell her the truth and let everything fall where it would.
He watched her get ready, longing to stay in the cocoon of their room, where they were safe from the rest of the world. When she started blow-drying her hair, he told her he was going to get ice and took the ice bucket and his phone into the hall.
Tiffany answered on the second ring. “I thought you were blowing me off, Noah.”
“No, of course not,” he said, feeling slimy as he ran a hand through his hair. “I just got tied up.” He took a breath. “So, about Scott . . . Can you set something up?”
“Yeah, but I’m more interested in setting something up between you and me.”
Tell her. Just tell her you’re married. But he couldn’t. He needed this deal so he could start his life with Libby, and he wasn’t sure Tiffany would set it up if she didn’t think she had a shot with him. When Libby moved to Seattle, they’d have nothing. She deserved more from him. “Um . . . I . . .”
“What’s gotten into you, Noah? You don’t sound like yourself.”
“Oh . . . just fighting a cold.”
“I can bring you some chicken soup . . . and then feed it to you.”
Before Libby, he would have been ready to go just thinking about it. But now, it made him feel dirty. “That’s okay, it’s just a small one. So about that meeting . . .”
“You are one persistent boy, aren’t you? That’s something I loved about you,” she said with so much innuendo a deaf man could hear it.
He ignored her last statement. “My business really needs this.”
“And I really need you.” Her voice was low and seductive.
Shit. Shit. What was he going to do? Tell her. TELL HER. “I’m not in town for very long.”
“We only need a few hours, lover boy.”
“I thought you were seeing Scott.”
She giggled. “Come on. Like that stopped you before.”
“I’m seeing someone.”
Another giggle. “Like that’s stopped me before. Besides, everyone knows you don’t really see women. Lucky for you, I’m not looking for more than a few hours at the most. You know what they say—what happens in Vegas . . .” Her voice trailed off with seductive promise.