I’m unable to answer her question. The butterflies fluttering in my stomach want to tell her about tonight. About dinner and how Zander treated me, but it’s not real and it’ll only complicate things to involve anyone else. Plus, I'm not sure what I'm allowed to reveal given the non-disclosure agreement I signed at Club X. I really wish she would stop prying. It puts me in such an uncomfortable position. She peers closely at me when I don’t answer right away. “And what’s this…” her voice trails off as if she realizes something. “Wait a minute… you weren’t out there with Danny, were you? Is that why you don’t want to tell me what’s going on? 'Cause you told me you were taking a break with him, and you’re really not?” Her voice raises, and the smile vanishes.
I roll my eyes at where her mind goes, holding the package a bit closer to me. I wish it were that simple.
Natalie persists, insisting, “I know you were with someone. I can smell cologne on you.”
“It wasn’t with Danny,” I say.
Natalie presses. “Who then?”
I grit my teeth, wishing I didn’t have to do this. “I can’t say. Just a friend.”
Natalie scrunches her face into a frustrated scowl. “You know what? Your sudden secretive ways are really starting to get to me.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Nat. I just don’t want to say anything right now.”
Natalie places her hands on her hips. “Well, when will you be able to say anything then? The suspense is killing me.” She lightens the mood by exaggerating her last line and moving to snatch her cup of yogurt up again.
I remain tight-lipped. “I don’t know. Soon.”
Natalie stares at me for a long moment before letting out a resigned sigh and taking a spoonful of yogurt. “Okay. I’m going to let you off the hook for now. But can you promise me one thing?”
I’m on edge. “What?”
“Don’t see that piece of shit Danny ever again, pretty please?”
“He’s not a piece of shit,” I say reflexively. I don’t know why I say that. Everything Danny has done to me recently leading up to the auction says he is. And after what Zander told me, I should never want to see him again. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t get over what he did for me.
He saved me. I really wanted to kill myself. I would have if he hadn’t stopped me.
Natalie’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me? He beat the hell out of you for the past couple of months, and now you're defending him? What the hell is wrong with you?”
God, I don’t want to fight. I toss the package down feeling like I’m in a no-win situation. But it's a tight spot that I put myself in. I seriously want to go into my room and curl up into a little ball. “Please, Nat,” I plead, “I’m tired and don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Natalie stares at me long and hard, before finally shaking her head. “Fine. But I don’t think I’ll ever understand this relationship you have with him, and I don’t think I ever want to.” My throat feels tight as I take in her words. I didn’t ask for her support and I understand that she doesn’t like it, but it still hurts. “I’m going to bed. Don’t forget to turn the lights off.”
She disappears down the hall, leaving me alone.
I suck in a heavy breath as tears sting my eyes, my gaze going down to the package sitting on the sofa. I feel like crap having to lie to Natalie, but I don’t know what else I can do.
Sighing, I slump down on the couch, running my fingers over the package.
I tear it open and stare in shock at what’s inside. It’s a beautiful gown, a white sparkly number, with glittering rhinestones that shimmer like diamonds. I run my fingers over the exquisite tailoring, thinking that it’s the nicest gift anyone has even given me.
But just like tonight, just like the butterflies in my stomach, it’s a lie.
I cover the dress up with the thin piece of white tissue paper and let my head fall back against the sofa.
None of this is real, and I need to protect myself and remember that.
Chapter 15
Zander
I turn down the radio as I pull off of the highway heading down to Arianna’s place. It’s nearly eight on a Friday, but it’s the only night I can make time for her.
My turn signal clicks as I turn onto her street and remember the article in the paper this morning. It’s nothing huge, and I doubt Arianna’s read it. The picture of her is perfect, capturing the moment and sending the message that I’m no longer on the market. She may never even know about it unless she searches her name or someone points it out to her.
I want to be the one to show her. I can’t wait to see her reaction when she sees. Although it does say, “mystery woman.” The next one will have her name; I made sure of that.
I pass a row of condominiums. I hate this area in the city. The brick is old and worn, and graffiti covers half the buildings. She doesn’t belong here. I grip the steering wheel tighter as I park out front of her building and look up to her apartment window. The lights are on.
It’s a weird feeling, something like nervousness as I pull out my phone. It doesn’t make sense, and I ignore it as I text her that I’m outside. I stare up to her window, waiting for a response. I let out a small laugh as I see her pull the curtains back to look outside.
The phone pings as I open my car door and I glance at it to see what she’s said as I jog up the stairs. Come on up.
My heart flutters as I walk into the warmth of the building and see her standing in her open doorway.
“Hi,” she says sweetly as she opens the door wider and bites her lower lip.
Her nightgown looks nothing like what I’d expect on her. It’s a simple cotton thing, so thin that I can see the outline of her nipples. It’s the colors that I don’t expect. Patches of bright and neon colors.
“It’s my roommate's,” Arianna says, answering the unspoken question. She shrugs slightly before saying, “It’s laundry day.”
I turn to take her in, and something shifts. The flutters in my stomach turn to stone as she crosses her arms across her chest and avoids looking at me.
That smile I’ve been thinking about for the past few days, the one that’s invaded my every waking moment, is nowhere to be seen.
“How are you?” I ask her out of curiosity as I walk into her apartment.
“Fine, how are you?” she answers with a politeness I’ve come to expect from her.
“Alright,” my answer is a bit absent as I glance around her place. I’ve never seen the inside before. The walls are an off-white, typical in apartments, but there are so many photos on the wall that color the room. On the far wall of the living room there have to be at least thirty photos, all framed and hung in the shape of a heart above a lime green Ikea sofa littered with pillows in different colors. It takes me by surprise.
“Those are Natalie’s,” Arianna says and nods toward the living room.
“Ah,” I walk in a few steps and lean against the banister.
“I didn't expect you,” Arianna says in a way that makes it obvious she’s uncomfortable with me dropping by unannounced like this. She tucks her hair behind her ear as she looks past me and back into the living room as she says quietly, “I would have cleaned up.” Her entire demeanor has changed since I saw her last. My heart feels heavy in my chest, as if it’s falling, it’s an unnatural feeling, something I’m not used to.