“It’s nothing that concerns you. I’d thought of leaving, sailing for the Americas or Canada. I’d be safe there.”
She stepped back, knocking into the window. “That’s so far away.”
“I should have gone already, but there was something keeping me here.” He looked into his eyes. “Someone. Now that I know you are safe and well and will be provided for, I can go. I’ll leave blunt under your pillow before I go, enough to see that you and James are cared for.” He took her hand and kissed it. “I’ve never loved anyone else, Bridget. I don’t think I ever will.”
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, to walk away. He heard her harsh intake of breath and the sob as she released it, but he didn’t look back. If he truly cared for her, walking away from her was the right thing to do. And he’d be damned if he would put her and his child in danger.
He turned a corner and stumbled. Every fiber of his being wanted to go back to her, but he forced himself forward, returning to Mrs. Jacobs’s. He’d gather his things, leave Bridget the blunt, and be on his way. Perhaps it was best if he left England altogether. If he was in the same city, he didn’t trust himself not to attempt to sneak a look at Bridget or James. It would be better if an ocean separated them, safer for all of them.
TWO HOURS LATER, BRIDGET trudged up the stairs of Mrs. Jacobs’s boarding house. She was tired and hot and discouraged. By the time she reached the second floor, she was also lightheaded. She hadn’t eaten since the pilfered slice of bread after church, and that had been hours ago.
She unlocked her door, stepped into her dark room, and leaned back against the door. The rain from the day before had left the city muggy and humid, and this upper chamber was as stuffy as she’d known it would be. She started for the window, then paused and glanced at her bed. Had Caleb left the money under her pillow? She turned back, then screamed when she saw the man standing on the other side of the room.
Caleb stood, hands outstretched. “It’s only me, Bridget.”
She clamped a hand over her mouth and stared at him. “I thought you were gone,” she whispered.
“I tried to leave, but they’d already found me.”
“Who? How?”
A sharp tap at the door startled her into silence. “Mrs. Lavery? Are you well?” Mrs. Jacobs asked.
She winced, then motioned for Caleb to get behind the door. “I’m fine, Mrs. Jacobs,” Bridget called. But she knew that wouldn’t satisfy the lady, so she went to the door and opened it a crack. “I’m so sorry. I thought I saw a rat.”
Mrs. Jacobs stabbed her hands on her hips. “All that racket because you saw a rat! I thought you’d been set on by murderers. First, those men looking for Mr. Smith, now this.” She started away, but Bridget slid out the door and went after her.
“What men looking for Mr. Smith?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but three men came here looking for him. They said they were from the magistrate and he’d stolen something. Asked to search his room, but when they went in, lo and behold, he had already cleared out. Thieves and whores have taken over the city, I tell you.”
“Where are these men now?”
“How should I know?” Her eyes narrowed. “What’s it to you?”
“I just wondered how you could be certain they came from the magistrate. Was the magistrate with them?”
“How I could be certain? How I could be—do you think men just go about impersonating city officials? Why, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
Bridget nodded. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Course I’m right.” She pointed a finger at Bridget. “No more screams out of you.”
“No, madam. Again, I’m sorry.” She went back to her room, closing the door quietly and locking it. Caleb stood against the wall, arms crossed.
“I was in here when they arrived.” He gestured to a valise near her table. “I thought I’d better wait to leave until it was safe.”
“When will that be?”
“After dark. I doubt they left anyone to watch the place, since it was clear I’d already taken my belongings and gone, but I don’t want to risk being seen.”
“Should I go out and look around?”
He crossed to her and put his hands on her arms. “No. Stay inside. I’ve been sitting here the past hour worrying about you. Where is James?”
She closed her eyes, and he led her to the bed, sitting beside her. “I didn’t find him. I went to the hospital, but no one was there to see me today. It’s Sunday, and only a few nurses were working, and they had more work than they could handle. I was told to come back tomorrow.”
“Then you go back tomorrow.”
“I have to teach tomorrow and won’t be able to go back until evening.”
He stroked her hair. “I know it’s difficult to wait.”
She nodded. “I just want to see him, hold him, know he’s all right. I know one more day is nothing after all these years, but it feels like forever.” She swiped at her eyes. “And now I’m crying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You’re tired, and you haven’t eaten. I have bread and apples in my valise.”
He rose and fetched them, tossing them in the center of her small bed. “You need these for your travels,” she said.
“I’ll buy more. Eat.”
She lifted an apple and bit in while he dug under her pillow and produced a handful of paper notes. “For you and James.” He pressed them into her hand.
Bridget gaped at them. “Five pounds? I can’t accept this. It’s too much.”
“Then accept it for James.”
She nodded and secreted the notes in a drawer. “I have something for you as well,” she said, returning to the bed. She reached underneath and pulled out the box. “I would have shown you these before, but I didn’t realize you’d have to leave so soon.”
She opened the cover and drew out the sketch of James when he’d been an infant. “I drew these of our son.” She handed him the first one and watched his face as he studied it. His expression turned from wonder to joy to pride.
“He’s beautiful. Like his mother.”
“More like his father.” She handed him the second drawing. “He has your eyes.”
Caleb touched a finger to the drawing. “He does.” He looked up at her. “He really does.”
“I don’t think I got the color quite right.” She placed a hand on his temple. “But then, I don’t think anyone could. Did you mean it?” she asked.
His brow furrowed.
“When you said you’d never loved anyone else. Did you mean that you loved me?”
“I still love you.”
She swallowed her uncertainty. “Then don’t go. I want us to be a family.”
“Bridget, you know that’s not possible. The only way to keep you safe is to leave you. I’ve already put you in danger.”
“There’s no reason for anyone to come after me.”
“And I don’t want to give them one.” He looked down at the box. “Do you have any more drawings?”