I grinned. “Did we just have a moment?”
“And you were doing so good, Rock Star.”
“Sorry, Coach.” I winked. “So I’m parked downtown. What’s this fun we’re going to have?”
“Follow me.” She held out her hand and then seemed to realize this was work and not a date. But I was quick enough to catch her hand and squeeze it, holding it as she led us along the semi-busy sidewalk.
I never thought holding hands with someone would make me smile like an idiot, but here I was, swinging our arms back and forth thinking, I’m so fucking glad I’m here right now.
What a frightening thought.
That’s what therapists didn’t tell you about depression. That the good days are almost more terrifying than the bad days because you’ve been given the gift of feeling free for a few hours and are petrified that you’re going to lose that happiness. So it’s almost like you can’t enjoy it.
Depression is sort of self-sabotage at times, and I knew I was my own worst enemy, because the minute I started to enjoy myself, I felt guilty about it.
“Hey!” Piper gripped my hand tighter. “Focus on me, okay?”
I exhaled, not realizing I’d been holding my breath. “Okay.”
“So, tell me a small goal you have, something you’re going to focus on or accomplish during our little trip of fun.”
“Hmm, how about we trade?” I teased. “Small goal for a small goal?”
“Ah, he thinks he can negotiate.”
I gave a playful shrug. “Probably because he’s so sexy.”
“Ha!” Piper burst out laughing.
I put my hand on my chest. “You wound me, fair maiden.”
“Oh please,” She tugged me a bit harder as we picked up our pace then crossed the street onto the boardwalk. “You know you’re sexy. It’s practically oozing from your pores.”
I frowned. “See, I want to see that as a compliment but then you said oozing and pores, and it kinda killed it for me. I’m sure you understand.”
She looked around us. “You really don’t notice all the stares we’re getting or all the cell phones that keep getting pointed in your direction? I swear one girl looked ready to pass out.”
I gripped her hand as she led me down toward the aquarium. “Honestly, I don’t notice it anymore, especially when the only girl I want to pass out, or swoon if you will, has been holding my hand for exactly four and a half minutes.” I winked. “I counted.”
“So you were counting during our conversation. I must be boring.” She laughed.
“Multi-tasker.” I pointed at myself with my free hand. “Just tell me when I’m supposed to stop and oomph—” I ran right into her as she stopped in front of the aquarium and gave me a triumphant look. “The aquarium?”
“The aquarium,” she repeated. “Come on, let’s go, the day’s burning!”
I followed her inside. “Yeah, I hate to be the needle that bursts the balloon at a toddler’s birthday party, but…I’ve been coming here since I was like ten. I know the seals by name, not by choice, out of necessity so I don’t get splashed.”
Piper just smiled her sweet smile and paid the six-dollar fee for both of us to get in and get fish to toss to them. I had no choice but to follow her.
Maybe this was just her idea of fun?
Not that it was boring since she was with me, but still.
I took my cup of raw fish and went to the corner. The seals swam around then flipped over and splashed.
Piper laughed and tossed in some fish, and then she started to speak. “I know you think everything we do is juvenile, but I promise it has a purpose. You see that seal over there? The one lying on the cement sleeping?”
“It would be hard not to see him,” I said. “He’s ginormous.”
“He’s sleeping, not eating,” she pointed out.
“He’s probably full from all the food he already ate.” I countered.
“Possibly.” She tilted her head. “Who’s your favorite seal?”
“Seriously?”
She elbowed me.
“Fine, I like Kona over there. She’s a bit smaller than the others—” I stopped talking when what looked like a bus full of teens came barreling into the aquarium, purchasing tickets at record speed and joining us over by the seals.
I immediately started sweating.
The guy at the incident, the one who’d caused it, had been in high school, and suffered from some pretty deep psychological issues. He’d thought I was sending him a message in my music to kill everyone at my concert because I was tired of fame.
It was a song about love.
My chest tightened, and I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
“I like Kona,” Piper finally said. “I think I agree.”
“Right.” My eyes darted around, trying to focus on something to anchor me so I didn’t freak the hell out.
And then a hand touched my back, slipped around me, and clung. It was Piper’s hand.
I instantly relaxed and wrapped a protective arm around her.
“The thing about people and crowds,” Piper said as the seals swam in circles, “is when we go through something traumatic, when it’s related to lots of people, we always look inward. We imagine everyone’s looking at us, judging us. Maybe they’re hiding a knife, perhaps they’re insane, maybe they’re going to charge. The thoughts become so chaotic that all you can focus on is the maybes and the what-ifs.”
I exhaled a shaky breath. “Not really helping, Piper.”
“But,” she continued, “is anyone even looking in your direction?”
I frowned. “Give it time.”
“Hey!” she shouted. “Holy shit, is that Braden Connor?”
All attention turned to me.
That was it. I was going to throw her over my shoulder and march out of here then tie her to my bed.
Way better idea.
A few people nodded in my direction, while a couple of girls took pictures. Then one approached, at a safe distance. “Hi, I know you’re with your girlfriend, but can we take a selfie?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her no, but then I realized it was because I was petrified of a sixteen-year-old girl with braces.
How’s that for a come-to-Jesus moment?
“Sure.” I nodded and gave her a warm smile. “I always have time for fans.”
“Awesome!” She bounced up on her Converses and then held up her phone. She snapped a few shots while making a peace sign.
Slowly, a few others drifted up until most of them just moved into a different part of the aquarium.
“So,” Piper said when they were all but gone, “what’s the verdict?”
“You mean before or after you nearly gave me a heart attack and made me want to tie you to my bed as punishment?”
“Really? That would be a punishment? Something I don’t know, Braden?”
I let out a little growl, grabbed her by the hand, and pushed her up against the wall of the aquarium. I captured her lip between my teeth before kissing down her neck and then back up, tasting her skin, only to find her mouth again. I parted it with my tongue and wished I was parting something else.