He loved him. He had loved Alec for as long as he could remember and hadn’t done a fucking thing about it because he’d been so scared of where he had come from and who he was supposed to be.
Because of that, he hadn’t said anything. Alec hadn’t either. If Liam didn’t just open his mouth and say it, tell Alec what he was feeling, this would be it. There’d be no going back. He would lose his best friend and his soul mate.
Because Alec was his soul mate. His other half. The one person in the world who completed him in every way possible. And he was going to lose him if he wasn’t careful.
He took a deep breath and leapt over the edge into the abyss.
“How about we talk about the fact that we’re soul mates, though we haven’t actually said anything about it?”
Alec stiffened, and surprise wafted off him. The scent was spicy and filled Liam’s nostrils. He inhaled deeply, wanting more of it. He just wanted more of Alec. He was crazy, he knew. He didn’t care. They needed to figure this out. They needed to fix it. And if taking this leap was how to do it, then so be it.
“I can’t believe you just came out and said that,” Alec said, blinking.
“I can’t believe I did either.”
“Okay. Okay. Goddess.”
Liam’s brows rose at Alec’s exclamation.
“I have no idea what you mean by that.”
“I don’t either.”
“Okay, come on. I’ll start. I think it all has to do with the fact that I haven’t gone into the circle to fight yet.”
Alec frowned. “What do you mean? How the hell are they connected?”
“I don’t know who I’m supposed to be. Hunter wants me to be one thing, thinks I need to be the Beta to help lead the Pack, to take the position he once held. I don’t think I can. You know what my dad used to do to me.”
Alec nodded. “He forced you to fight when you were younger, forced you to use your claws and fangs well before you were supposed to. He put you into those dominance fights even though you weren’t ready. You still came out on top. Still won.”
“If I didn’t, he would have killed me. Or it would have hurt Mom or someone else along the way. It didn’t matter that she was his mate, he had twisted their relationship into something that was all about power and domination. That’s why he’s not part of the Pack anymore. That’s why he’s gone. Just like so many others on the council. They took what they thought was pure about being a wolf and a shifter and twisted it into their own amalgamation of power and dominance. And my dad was part of that. Every time I think about taking my first step into that circle, I think about what he did. And what he wanted me to be. I don’t know if I want to be that person.”
“And how do I fit into that?” Alec asked softly.
“You fit, because if I don’t take that step, how am I supposed to have the courage to take the next step with you? What if I’m not good enough to be in that circle. What if it was my dad pushing me this whole time? And if I’m not good enough to be the Beta, how on this holy Earth am I supposed to be good enough to be yours?”
Alec just froze, his skin pale, the healing scars on his face standing out in stark contrast. “How can you think that? How on Earth could you ever think that you wouldn’t be good enough for me?”
“You haven’t made a move. I assumed that you were either waiting for me to do it, or thought I wasn’t worth it. What was I supposed to think? We’ve spent over a decade circling each other. I’ve known for a long time, ever since your scent changed, and I knew who you could be for me. Neither of us did anything about it. What was I supposed to think?”
Alec let out a laugh. It was hollow and devoid of emotion. “We are a pair, aren’t we?”
“What?” Liam started to pace, needing to do something. His wolf clawed at him, wanting vengeance, wanting his mate. He didn’t know what to do about it.
“I thought you didn’t want me, so I stayed away. How fucking stupid is that?”
Liam whirled, his eyes wide. “And that’s why you didn’t make a move?”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I am good enough for you.”
“That’s bullshit. You’re the better of the two of us.”
“And the fact that you think that makes me worry that I haven’t done enough to show you who you are to me. Even if we just end up as best friends, you have always been a man of worth. A shifter who has done everything for his Pack.”
“Right back at you.”
“You know what I had to do when the Pack started to crumble after Hunter went missing. You know who was part of the crew that sent him to hell.” Liam nodded. “It was your uncle.”
“And I have no remorse for killing him. I would do it again in a heartbeat. And, in the end, I’m not going to feel anything when I kill Charlie either. Because I know my duty. Because of that, every time I think about it, I wonder how I could possibly be good enough for you. How can you want me when I have to be the one who kills? When I have to be the one who takes life and doesn’t feel anything about it.”
Liam stood, stunned, blinking slowly. “I don’t understand.”
“That I feel nothing?”
“That you can think that you feel nothing. Of course, you have something inside you. I can see it in the way you carry yourself. In the way you pull back from others. It might not be remorse for what you’ve done, but it’s something. It weighs on you. And you protected our Pack. You stood by my side when we did it. We protect what is ours. We help our Alpha and his family. You have always been there. Of course, I’ll always love you for that.” Liam snapped his mouth shut as Alec’s eyes widened.
“You love me?”
“I meant to tell you that a bit later.” He slid his hands through his hair and started pacing nervously again. “I didn’t really want to blurt it out like that. But, yes, I fucking love you. I’ve loved you for longer than I care to admit.”
“And yet, we haven’t done anything about it.”
“Because we have our heads so far up our asses and are so worried about what the other might feel and what others have done to us that we’ve ignored it. Goddess. We’re out here trying to protect our Pack and doing what others might find cruel and difficult. We’re going to get it done.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Alec said softly. Liam froze, dread filling his belly. What if Alec didn’t feel the same way? What if he didn’t feel the connection between them like Liam did?
“You don’t have to say anything.” A frozen pause. “I’ll head back into the main house if you need some space.” He turned, and the rustling of sheets behind him made him stop. And then Alec was behind him, his hand on his hip. Liam wanted to lean back, to feel the heat of him. However, he wasn’t sure he could.
“Don’t go.”
Liam turned so they were facing each other, hip to hip, their breaths mingling. “Why?”
“Because you’re not the only one who hid everything. I know you’re my soul mate, Liam. I had to be a man worthy of you first. I think I made a mistake.”
“You’re not the only one.”