With my insecurities riding high, I ask my friend, “Did you ever worry you wouldn’t know what to do with a kid? That you wouldn’t know how to be a mom?”
Keira’s attention cuts to my face, and although she can’t read what she sees there, her expression softens. “Come on, let’s sit down. I’ll tell you all about how terrified I was that I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with a baby, and how worried I still get about screwing her up for life.”
She leads me to a pair of gold club chairs set up in front of an ancient fireplace that is more likely to spin around into a secret passage than to ever hold a fire in its grate.
Skeptically, I ask, “You’re really worried about not knowing what to do with her? But you . . . you had, like, the perfect childhood. Great parents. Everything.”
Keira tucks her feet under herself in a chair, and I take the one across from her. “And you’re scared that because you had Bernie’s voice in your ear—telling you every damn thing you did was wrong—that you won’t know how to be a mother?”
I stare down at my hands, which are clasped together in my lap. “I’ve never been afraid of much, which probably has been the root of most of my problems. But when I think about how much I want a baby, I’m fucking terrified, Keira.” When I lift my gaze, the soft smile on her face almost undoes me. “What business do I have even wanting to bring a life into this world when I know how ugly it can be? When I know how ugly I’ve been? I don’t deserve it. Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to have children.”
Keira bolts out of her chair and drops onto the ottoman in front of mine. She covers my hands with hers and crushes them to get my attention.
“Stop that. Right now. That isn’t the Magnolia I know and love, damn it. You’re strong, smart, and a survivor. I don’t know how you got through everything you’ve faced, but you’ve done it and you’ve thrived. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, but when it comes to a baby, they don’t give a damn about any of that. All they want is love and protection. And you are the fiercest protector I’ve ever met, Mags. Don’t you dare let yourself think for one second you wouldn’t be an incredible mother. The fact you’re agonizing over it right now says a ton. Don’t you think?”
I release a heavy breath and then voice my other fear. “But I couldn’t do it here. How could I raise a child in this town, where I’ll never escape my reputation? I won’t have an innocent painted with the same brush. My son or daughter should never know what it’s like to walk into a room and have everyone know their mother was a whore.”
Keira’s grip tightens on my hands. “Then as much as it kills me to say this, maybe you don’t do it here.” She presses her lips together in a tight line. “Because I understand what you’re worried about. Aurora is the daughter of the most feared man in this city. At first, it terrified me that his enemies could possibly use her to get to him. But I won’t live in dread. None of us can and still have a full life. And I refuse to let my daughter grow up knowing that kind of fear.”
“Jesus, Ke-ke, I never really thought about that. Christ. How do you handle it?”
She smiles, her pride and bravery shining like a beacon. “We pay a lot of money for security, and it’s worth every last penny. And when Rory is old enough to know who her father really is and what he does, I pray she understands it doesn’t change who he is to her. She loves him unconditionally, and knowing my girl carries my blood, she’ll love him no matter what, and nothing he does will ever touch her.”
My friend is amazing and such a powerful force of motherhood. “You know she will. She’s her father’s daughter.”
Keira leans back on the ottoman and glances upward toward the heavens. “God help us, because that’s the truth. She’s going to be a handful. I already know it. And Lachlan is liable to spoil her rotten. You have no idea how much I have to hold that man back. He wanted her to have a pony for her first birthday. Not for her to ride, because he deemed it too dangerous, but just for her to pet because she thinks they’re pretty.”
Laughter spills from my lips, and I try to keep it quiet, knowing Mount and Keira’s princess is in the next room, and I don’t want to wake her. “So you put a stop to the pony?”
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, barely in time.”
“And what did she get instead?”
“That huge-ass bouncy castle.”
I snort out a laugh this time, remembering how massive it was in the center courtyard at her party. I’d assumed it was a rental. “Of course, because what else do you give a princess?”
When Keira yawns a half hour later after more chatting about Rory and being a mom, I stand and stretch. “I think it’s time for you to go to bed, Ke-ke. No doubt, that girl of yours will have you up at the crack of dawn.”
“God, yes. I miss sleep. Still. But I’ll see you in the morning. If there’s anything you or Moses or his guys need, all you have to do is ask.” She throws her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re here. It makes me feel a million times better knowing you’re in the safest place you could possibly be.”
Warmth fills my chest, and I’m struck by how damn lucky I am that I’ve got such a good friend. “Thank you, Keira. You’re too good to me.”
“Not even close. I’ll walk you back to your room. I’m sure Moses is already there, or at least won’t be too much longer. Lachlan practically has a sixth sense for when I’m tired and shows up as soon as I’m getting ready for bed.”
“Because he knows he’s getting laid,” I tease, giving her the side-eye.
She chokes on a laugh. “You might be right about that. Either way, I’m sure he and Moses will work everything out and have a plan of action soon.”
Eighteen
Moses
After I leave Mount, I track down Trey and Jules. They don’t have a suite quite as large as ours, but their rooms are certainly luxe and right next to each other with a connecting door.
Inside one of them, they’ve got all the contents of the box from the apartment laid out on a table, and Trey is pounding away on his laptop.
“What’d you find?” I ask as I stride into the room. It’s getting late, and my woman will be waiting on me.
“Two pictures of Ricardo and the other guy. From the facial features, they definitely share blood. I’m still putting the photos through some aging software and refining them. Then we’ll run the best one through facial recognition, like you said. If this guy is a ghost too, there might not be much out there, but if there’s anything to find, I sure as hell will.”
Trey’s confident, and with good reason. He’s damn good at what he does.
“Good. What else?”
Jules points to the knives. “He’s got a knife obsession, which makes sense why he didn’t take a gun when he went after Magnolia. Considering what happened to the other two women, I’m thinking it’s a trait they share.”
“Good point. So we’ve got a couple of guys obsessed with blades. If there’s anything we can run down on that angle, do it. Knife shows. Dealers. See if there are any avid collectors who match the aged photo. You never know where we might get a hit.” We can’t leave a single rock unturned. We don’t have the luxury of missing a single detail.