Acknowledgments
This book was a long time coming. First and foremost my eternal gratitude, admiration, and respect to my agent, Michelle Brower, and editor, Kate Nintzel. These two read more drafts than I care to count, and saw me through personal and professional turmoil, doubt, and some seriously bad writing days. Thank you a million times over. Many people read and offered valuable comments on drafts over the years I spent writing this book (and my apologies if I’ve forgotten anyone!), particularly: Shannon Huffman Polson, Patricia Smith, Peggy Sarjeant, Katherine Malmo, Marilyn Dahl, Ruth Whippman, Kenna Hart, Elissa Steglich, Art Chung, Beth McFadden, Cynthia Fierstein, and Mari Hinojosa. The idea for this book first emerged from a family tragedy and it was with great trepidation that I sat down to explore it. I would not have been able to write a word without the blessing of my grandmother, Luella Briody Conklin, who passed away in 2014. Thank you, Nana, for teaching me how to say good-bye on the telephone and that real love is always messy. Thank you also to my extended family, all the Conklins, Mills, Stones, and MacLeans who—either tacitly or expressly—supported the writing of this book. I hope that the result does justice to the events and people that inspired it. To my sisters from another mister and partners in crime: Allison Augstyn, Carrie Barnes, Jen Beatty, Margot Kahn Case, Cheryl Contee, Naomi Donnelley, Elisabeth Eaves, Cynthia Fierstein, Heather Jarvis, Jody Lindwall, Susannah Lipsyte, Amy Mushlin, Amy Predmore, Paige Smith, Elissa Steglich, Ruth Whippman—your friendship and support in writing, life, and parenting are invaluable to me. To Arlen Rushwald, thank you for your generous insights into life in rural Nicaragua. To Chris Cain, thank you for the boat and the whisky. To Elisabeth Eaves and Joe Ray, thank you for the desk and the coffee. To Allison Mahaffy and all the folks at Sol Yoga, thank you for the peace and downward dogs. To the doctors in my life, Cynthia Fierstein, Naomi Donnelley, and Laura Conklin, thank you for answering my random medical questions (and it should go without saying that any errors in medical lingo, protocol, or education are mine alone). For professional insight into sibling loss, I relied principally on two excellent books: Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by Dr. T. J. Wray and The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn. Gratitude to Emily Warn and Peter Mountford at Richard Hugo House where parts of this book were workshopped. To Liate Stehlik, Iris Tupholme, Kate Cassady, Tavia Kowalchuk, Kelly Rudolph, Lauren Truskowski, Vedika Khanna, and the whole William Morrow and HarperCollins Canada teams—my thanks for all that you do to help us scribblers get our work out into the world. Finally to my family, the people who inspire and challenge me, push my buttons, and piss me off, and without whom I would be lost: my children, Freya, Luke, and Rhys Conklin Maddock; my parents, Jay and Christina Conklin; and my sisters, Laura and Riisa Conklin.