“Anyone except you.”
Yes!
“Now that’s what I’m talking about. A date, Ms. Wells, a real date. You name the day and time, and I’ll be the gentleman I wasn’t Friday night.”
Her voice stays low. “I’m admittedly out of practice, but you seemed rather gentlemanly to me. You opened my car door at the restaurant, at your place, and again when I needed to leave. You gallantly offered me your shirt when my dress became...compromised.”
My cheeks rise higher. “I’ll go along with the car door, but the shirt was purely for my benefit.”
“Yours?”
“Do you have any idea how sexy you looked wearing it?”
“And to think, I’d worked hard to buy the perfect dress. I guess my time was wasted.”
I love the lighthearted glee that’s back in her tone. “No, not wasted. I guess the poor sap with erection issues didn’t get to appreciate it, but I certainly did. You were stunning—in and out of that dress. However, without you in it, it’s just a piece of material.”
“I’m sitting in my living room barefoot, in old shorts and a T-shirt, and yet somehow you’re making me feel pretty.”
“You should never doubt that. Ever.”
“It’s nice to hear. Thank you.”
“I want to learn more about you than your looks. From the moment you sat on the stool beside me, I was attracted to you.” When she doesn’t speak, I go on, “Everything about you...one of the first things that caught my attention is your gorgeous hair. It’s rich and full. I like how it flows over your shoulders. If I close my eyes, I can see you in that booth, and I remember how badly I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through it.”
“Well, now, it’s twisted into a messy knot.”
I lean back, imagining her hair on the pillow beside me. “Not to devalue your hard work in preparation for Mr. Issues, but honestly, as lovely as it was at the restaurant, I think it was the most beautiful on my pillow, fanning out like a halo around your face.”
“Malcolm...”
The way she says my name sounds breathy, and I wish with everything in me that I could go to her. “Fuck. You said no phone sex, right?”
“Right,” Mandy agrees, though her tone sounds like she might consider changing her mind.
“Then, instead of my remembering how fantastic you were the other night, how stunning and perfect...let’s concentrate on our upcoming date.”
“I-I don’t...”
“Whenever you want. I’ll wait. I’m not rushing you. You arrange for your son to be taken care of and let me handle everything else. Okay?”
The silence goes on and on. My pulse increases as the TV silently plays some pre-season NHL footage. For the first time that I can ever remember, I don’t care about what’s on the screen. My concern isn’t about the stats or the prognosticators, but about the lady on the other end of this call. With each second, I grow more concerned that she’ll change her mind about going out with me again. I’m almost tempted to speak, to say anything that may help my case and sway her decision my way, but before I do, she finally answers.
“Okay.”
I let out the breath I was holding. “Can I call you tomorrow night?”
“After eight-thirty.”
“My new favorite time of the day.”
“Bye, Malcolm.”
“Bye, beautiful Mandy.”
Chapter Twelve
Amanda
Beautiful Mandy. The phrase runs on a loop through my mind as I lie in my darkened bedroom and try to drift off to sleep.
Like every night before coming to bed, I checked on Jase. Tonight, I spent a few extra minutes marveling at my son, watching his small body, and covering him with his blanket as he dreamt about whatever it is he dreams. It hurts sometimes at how much I love him, how much I want to keep him safe and secure. There’s a mother bear inside me that loves when he’s in his bed hibernating because I know it’s a haven. I know he’s safe. Yet I can’t keep him there. I have to let him live and spread his wings. No matter how hard I wish otherwise, Jase is growing up, and I can’t make it stop. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow is his last day at ABC Preschool.
How has time moved this fast? It seems like yesterday when he was born, when Jackson was holding his pink and wrinkled little body.
But it wasn’t yesterday. So much has changed since Jackson and I brought him home to his new little nursery. Even where Jase and I live has changed. I don’t regret moving closer to my parents. Things have been as good as they could be, but Tuesday will be another change and admittedly, it frightens me.
Kindergarten shouldn’t scare me as much as it does. I mean, it’s all about shapes and letters and colors. It’s learning to share and how to use a cubby. It is many things he already knows from preschool, my parents, and me. Jase is smart, downright brilliant if you ask me. This transition shouldn’t be scary. And even though I feel like it is, I’ve done my best not to relay that fear to my son. Yet the reality is that beginning kindergarten is going to be new and different, and I’m not a fan of change. Not a fan of different. Not a fan of surprises.
It’s never for the better.
My chest aches with the thought of sending him to the big school with all the new classmates. I say a silent plea that he makes friends. Sally and I became friends when we were a little older, but Alec and Jackson were in the same kindergarten class. Maybe Jase could make lifelong friends. I think of Alec. He’s not usually as sensitive as he was the other night, and I never doubted his love for my husband. What would my brother think about the man fate brought to me?
Beautiful Mandy.
I know Jase needs to be allowed to live. Do I?
Would Jackson really want me to agree to see Malcolm again, or would he think I should go back to the way I’ve been? I try to think of how I’d feel if our roles were reversed—if I were gone, if Jackson were raising Jase.
My thoughts go to Malcolm.
Beautiful Mandy.
A smile comes to my lips.
Malcolm is something different, something new. What I did with him, what we did together, was out of character. Totally. Just like Alec told me to be. But it wasn’t meant to be a springboard to a new relationship. It was meant to be my one night to remember that I’m more than a mom, daughter, sister, friend, and employee—that I’m a woman.
The last time I had sex—before the mini-marathon Friday night—was before Jase was born. Immediately following Jase’s birth, I couldn’t. Jackson didn’t mind. He understood. Jackson always understood. Besides, he was due to return home in three months. We both believed there would be time.
Now, I wonder what I’m doing with my time.
Even if I’d never returned Malcolm’s call, during our one night he gave me exactly what I’d been seeking: the reminder that I am a sensuous woman. He gave me that multiple times.
I struggled with whether or not to call him back after I received his text message. There were so many times on Saturday when I reached for my phone, only to put it back down. On Saturday, I let my principles win. I stuck to my guns and senses. I kept telling myself that I didn’t want a relationship. I don’t need that complication in my life. Most importantly, Jase doesn’t need it.