My body heard her instructions. My mind is still locked away, the key secure around my neck. I grip it, the hard metal digging into my palm.
The rain stings when I step out into the howling wind. It feels like I’m being pelted by sand. I raise my hand to protect my face, disoriented. I hear the faint sounds of yelling. Or perhaps it’s the wind.
Then there’s a scream. I know it’s a scream because it doesn’t stop. It’s coming from the roof. Two dark forms stand on the widow’s walk. One is gripping the other. The screaming continues. So much pain, it’ll split the sky open. As if beckoned, thunder crashes, and lightning streaks across the black ether.
I catch sight of Maggie reaching over the side of the railing while Julia holds her back. I venture in the direction of her outstretched hand. On the ground is a body. Not moving. Never moving again.
My mother slowly returns from that distant place that kept her eyes out of focus and her voice sounding like she’d been reciting a fairytale—whimsical and poetic, so unlike her own.
Silence settles between us. The weight of Damon Thorne’s death lingering.
Niall claimed it was the rotted railing and the wet conditions that had caused him to fall, although Maggie swore the railing never broke. It was Niall’s account that was told to the police during the interviews that night. And when the detectives investigated the scene after the storm cleared the next morning, there was a broken railing.
The remaining truths were locked away in silence.
No one spoke of the rape. The seduction of a teenage girl. The affair. Those secrets were swept out with the storm. Locked in a box. Buried in a grave.
Until now.
My words are weak with shock. “No wonder you can’t love me.”
My mother’s eyes widen in alarm. “What? No. I love you, Lana. So much. More than anything.” Her declaration is urgent and impassioned. “I chose you.”
“What about Kaden? Your future together? Why didn’t you tell him what happened?”
“Because we’d never get back what we had,” she explains, her voice tapering off, emotion strangling the last of her words. “I searched for it, thinking if I could find a way to love … To be whole again … that maybe we would have a chance. And when I saw him that one time, years later … I hoped …” She tucks her chin. Tears drip onto the backs of her shaking hands. “Maggie convinced him I’d been unfaithful. She truly believed I’d betrayed them, no matter what she was told. And I didn’t give Kaden another choice but to believe her. I refused to tie him to a life out of obligation, like Nick was to Cassandra.” She shakes her head like she’s trying to take it back. “That’s not exactly what I mean. Lily is everything to Nick. She was never an obligation, but … he was so afraid of losing her …”
“I understand,” I interrupt. “You were afraid I’d always remind Kaden of the man who hurt you.”
She shakes her head. “He’s not like that. He would have loved you. But the truth was, I was too broken to love him … like he deserved. I didn’t even love myself. So I’d never believe I was worthy of his love. And that would be too cruel.” She inhales and releases a quick breath. “I needed to let him go.”
Tears glisten on her lashes when she meets my shimmering gaze. “And I know I haven’t been there for you. I didn’t want you to be like me. I thought your grandmother would teach you to be braver than I ever was. She could protect you. Give you the courage and strength to defend yourself, like I was unable to do. But after I found you … the night she was killed … I knew I’d failed you.” She chokes on her words. “And then … I lost you.” She covers her mouth to conceal the sob.
Releasing a quivering breath, she continues, “I’ve been asleep for a long time, blocking out a life that has always been waiting for me. I lost my way. Forgot who I was. Along with my worth. And I’m so ashamed that you had to watch me wither away before I finally woke up. I’m so sorry, Lana. I hope you can forgive me for not making sure you knew. But I’ve always loved you.”
I gently set my hand on her arm. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” I smile warmly. “And don’t discount your strength, Mom. We’re Peri women. We’re warriors. It’s in our blood to fight back.”
She wraps her arms around me and cries into my hair. I cry with her, my face pressed to her shoulder. My heart aches. Now we know all that I got wrong. The truth is painful, but it won’t destroy us. It only makes me love her more.
With a stuttering breath to calm my tears, I pull back to peer into her bright blue eyes. “He’s never stopped loving you …”
A soft knock draws us apart, her response lost. But the surprise in her eyes remains.
“Come in,” Mom calls out, her voice breaking with emotion.
We both smooth the tears from our cheeks, twisting in the love seat as the door eases open.
Brendan steps in, looking as undone as I feel—color drained from his face, his eyes haunted. “I’m sorry.” His voice is strained, barely above a whisper. He presses his lips together as his chin trembles. “I’m really sorry.”
“Oh, Brendan, it’s not your fault,” my mother consoles.
I can only assume Niall recounted a very similar story to the one I just heard.
“I … have something for you.” She stands, removing a letter from her pocket. “I should’ve given it to you before now, but I didn’t have the courage. I was afraid you would blame me, without really knowing …”
Brendan approaches cautiously, his eyes fixated on the folded paper balanced between her fingers.
“I’ll let you read this privately, but if you want to talk … I’m here.” She sets a hand on his shoulder briefly when he takes it from her and brushes past him, closing the door behind her.
I stand to leave as well.
“Don’t go,” he says quickly. “I need you … to stay. Read it with me?” There’s an agonizing plea in his dark gaze that I can’t ignore.
I nod and sit.
Standing in front of me, he unfolds the paper and silently reads it. I watch his eyes skate along each page. The shock on his face. Hurt behind his eyes. The pain forcing him to grapple at his chest.
Brendan hands it to me, the letter fluttering in his extended hand. I take it as he collapses to his knees. He buries his face in my lap, breathlessly sobbing. I grip his shoulder in an embrace, desperate to comfort him as I skim the lines that begin:
You broke my heart. But I let you.
Tears stream freely down my face as I finish reading the last of his mother’s words.
Please tell my son that I don’t regret a single breath of his life. He was the only reason I woke each day. And I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to keep living for him. I will love him for an eternity. And I hope he finds comfort in his sister’s love because if she’s anything like you, she will give him everything I could not.