The car is quiet when Niall drives me and Brendan back to Blackwood. Olivia chose to stay with my mother, who was asleep when I left. As was Cassandra, but I think that’s technically called passed out.
“I’ll bring Faye by in the morning to say good-bye,” Niall tells me when he checks us into the administration building. “She’ll be okay, Lana. Tonight brought up memories she’d been trying to forget.”
“And what would those be, exactly?” I ask, fed up with the double-talk. “And don’t pretend like you don’t know. You’ve been protecting her secrets since I was born. Don’t you think it’s time you let me in on them since I’m pretty sure they concern me?”
I can feel Brendan lingering, hoping to overhear Niall’s answer.
“They’re not my secrets to tell. I’m sorry. Be patient with her. She’ll tell you when she’s ready.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Patience isn’t my thing, if you haven’t noticed. Neither is subtlety. So if you or my mother aren’t going to tell me why she cut herself off from you and Olivia and why she’s beyond devastated by the loss of Brendan’s mother, then I’ll have to find out on my own. And I doubt that’s the way you or she want me to discover whatever it is you’re hiding.”
“Lana, don’t do this,” Niall demands with his authoritative voice.
But my back is to him, and I’m already pushing the door open, striding into the Court.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone stand up to Niall Harrison like that before, not even his sons.” Brendan steps in line beside me as we walk in the direction of the dorms.
We weave through the dimly lit maze as the sun’s getting ready to set.
“Lana, I’m sorry.”
My feet stop moving. Never expected to hear those words from Brendan’s mouth. “What?”
“I never would’ve pushed you to show your mother the picture if I’d known—”
“Stop. I love her. I do. But enough with the secrets. She needs to own up to whatever happened. She’s an adult. Like she said, I don’t have to protect her anymore.”
Just saying that makes my chest tighten—even if it is what she asked of me. Protecting my mother has always been second nature to me—maybe because my aunts tiptoed around her my entire life. My grandmother didn’t. She was never tolerant of weaknesses. But she rarely engaged with Mom either. So my grandmother focused her attention on me, raising me to become the exact opposite of the broken daughter she couldn’t heal.
I’m trying to connect with my mother. I want to know what happened. Why her heart is so vulnerable. Why she doesn’t stand up for herself. And just the mention of my father brings her such grief that she can’t function. Does she love him that much? Because he sure in hell doesn’t love her. And maybe that’s the problem.
I think back to Squirrel’s brownie-induced explanation of what love is. He said it’s not something that’s given or received; it’s part of who we are. Then she obviously doesn’t know what she’s made of. That he didn’t take anything away from her.
It’s time she found out. She is my mother, after all, and my grandmother’s daughter. She must have some of our fire flowing through her. I hope she’s able to figure out how to ignite the spark on her own. Maybe Olivia is better for her in that way, to make her stronger. I fear all I did was enable her damsel in distress syndrome.
I confront Brendan when we reach the rose trellis leading to the girls’ dorm. “Can we blow off this five-questions bullshit and just be real with each other?”
He narrows his eyes, not buying it.
“Seriously!” I say adamantly. “If we want answers, we need to do this together.” I huff before uttering the most devastating truth I’ve ever had to divulge out loud, “I know you’re my fucking brother, okay. I’ve admitted it. Happy now? So let’s figure out who our asshole of a father is, so we can kick his ass for breaking our mothers!”
Brendan inspects me for a second, his head tilted like I may be crazy. At this point, I wouldn’t object to a few of Sophia’s happy pills. And then he starts laughing. Loudly. It’s … disturbing.
“See you in the morning, Princess.” He turns and walks away, still chuckling.
I growl in frustration.
“Was that a yes?” I yell after him.
“Yes!” he hollers back.
I may hate myself later. But for now, it’s a relief to have the stalker on my side.
I’m woken even earlier than Mr. Garner’s tortuous wake-up call by what sounds like the wall collapsing beside me. I bolt upright with my heart pounding, prepared to run for my life.
“No, not there,” a man bellows. “It’s off center. Move it over two inches to the right.”
The mayhem is coming from next door. The sound of a drill and what may be a jackhammer gets louder when I enter the bathroom. I open the door on the other side to find the room filled with men carrying boards and sheets of glass. There’s a man in an eggplant-purple suit with a lime-green shirt standing in the middle of the room, pointing and directing the chaos. He spots me and frowns.
“Where did you come from?” He almost sounds angry to find me in the doorway of my bathroom.
“I’m staying next door.”
“We were told no one was here.” He huffs in annoyance like I’m the one who misled him. “We must finish before Miss Liu arrives this afternoon.” He dismisses me with a wave of his hand. “Leave us.”
I close the door with a groan. Looks like my neighbor’s arriving today. And there’s no way I’m getting any sleep in this room. So I throw on a sweatshirt and trudge down the hall to Ashton’s. It takes several hard knocks before she answers, and she’s not happy about it.
“What?!” Then she sees my sleep-deprived face. “Did something happen? Are you okay?” She opens her door wider for me to enter.
“They’re tearing down the room next door to mine,” I say, collapsing on her couch. “I need sleep.”
“Oh! The social committee’s returning this week!” Ashton exclaims excitedly, suddenly way too awake. “I wonder who’s next door to you. You should totally get on her good side. Social committee members get all sorts of perks.”
“Sleep,” I mutter into the pillow.
“Yeah, we’ll talk about it later,” she agrees, climbing up the ladder to her bed.
I wake a few hours later to the beeping of my phone, which I was somehow cognizant enough to bring with me after being forced to vacate my room.
Niall sent a message. “Be there in a half hour. Meet us in the room inside the administration building.”
I roll onto my back, stretching awake.
Ashton walks in a few minutes later as I’m folding the blanket on her couch. “You’re up! I brought you breakfast in bed.”
She sets the tray filled with cut fruit, muffins and pancakes on the black lacquer coffee table. I pick up the to-go cup of coffee and sip, sighing in appreciation.
“Thank you. But I have to get dressed before my mom gets here.” I pluck the muffin from the tray. “I’ll take this though. I’ll come find you after.”