Apparently, the tunnels extended many more miles under the city, but it was illegal to visit most areas. For how much I paid, we would have the Catacombs to ourselves for three hours along with Simon, our personal guide.
The guide led us into the darkness, gripping a flashlight in his hand. “More than six million people have been buried down here. What we will see today is a small part of the tunnel network.”
“Wow.” Emily quickened her pace and gazed around. “What made them start burying people under the city?”
“The city’s cemeteries were overflowing. They were so overstuffed, graves were crumbling open and exposing corpses.” Simon tapped his cane on the ground.
“It must’ve been horrific,” she said.
“Those living in the Les Halles neighborhood near Les Innocents, the city's oldest and largest cemetery, were the first to complain about the strong smell of decomposing flesh.”
Emily laughed. “I shouldn’t laugh, but this is gruesome good.”
“The catacombs will do that to you.” Simon pushed on. “Later, a long period of rain caused a wall around Les Innocents cemetery to collapse.”
One of my guards shook his head as he carried his own flashlight and scanned the area. Surely, he wished we were doing regular brotherhood things—stabbing or torturing, shooting or running, anything but walking toward dead bodies under a city.
Simon continued with his story of the past. “Rotting corpses spilled out of the walls, slipping and sliding into neighborhoods.”
I spoke. “This is definitely not the history of Paris I’ve heard.”
“We’ve had our gory moments.” Simon directed his flashlight along the walls made of bone. “Paris is not all lights and beauty.”
“So, they moved the bodies from the cemetery?” I asked.
“Yes. There’d already been centuries-old tunnels that had existed beneath the streets of Paris since the 13th century, when people would mine limestone to build the city.” Simon treaded ahead of us. “It took them twelve years to transport the dead. After the French Revolution, the dead were buried right in the Catacombs.”
He took us deeper into the underground maze, spouting out interesting details here and there. It felt like a timeless journey.
“Have these tunnels ever been used for anything else besides burying bodies?” Emily asked.
“During World War II, the French Resistance used the tunnel system. Later, the Nazis established an underground bunker.”
“This would be a good position, if the countries at war,” I admitted.
“There have been others who have used the Catacombs. In 2004, the police found a fully equipped movie theater in one of the caverns. It had a giant cinema screen, audience seats, projection equipment, film reels of thrillers, a fully stocked bar, and restaurant.”
“Who did it?” Emily asked.
“No one knows.” Simon winked. “But it was someone with enough power and money to keep that fact hidden. The police reported a camera had been inside the space, recording them.”
“So, someone was watching the cops discover their area?” she asked.
“Yes. And there was a note left the next day.”
Curious, I wondered out loud, “What did it say?”
“Do not try and find us.”
“Spooky.” Emily grinned. “I love it. How do you think they got the projectors working?”
“All remains a mystery still. No one knows what electricity source they used.” Simon took us deeper into the darkness. “In 2015, Airbnb united with the city and offered an opportunity for people to stay in the Catacombs overnight.”
That thought made me shudder in disgust. While a few hours exploring would be fine, I was not the type of man who could sleep within a tomb of bones overnight.
But Emily asked, with glee, “Wow. How much did it cost?”
“$350,000.”
She laughed. “For one night?”
He nodded. “One night.”
It’s in the budget, but don’t get any ideas, mysh. I won’t be fucking you by bones this evening. We’ll be surrounded by the best of things.
“This is the ossuary.” Simon pointed to an inscription above the doorway.
“What does it say?” Emily asked.
The man raised his voice and held his hands up in the air. “Stop! This is the empire of death!”
My guards edged back.
Relax. If my mouse isn’t scared, then you all try not to piss on yourselves.
We stepped inside. To my shock, my guards remained outside. I let them have that, knowing none of our enemies would be waiting down here among the decaying corpses.
I scanned the place. Dusty bones were stacked on top of each other in groups. Others were neatly piled along the corridors. Many bones and skulls were arranged in patterns, creating crosses and sacred images.
Simon pointed to the wall. “At first, workers would just pile the old bones and skulls in here. Then they got creative.”
One of my guards peeked in, wiping sweat off his face.
I glanced behind me. The other two still hadn’t entered the ossuary. Meanwhile, Emily strolled around like she was at an art gallery.
“The workers began arranging the old bones into shapes and decorations. Maybe they went crazy. Being down here every day could mess with your mind.” Simon pointed to one pattern. “You see that?”
“Yes,” Emily said.
“What do you think that is?”
“A heart.” Emily smiled.
My sweaty guard left.
Emily hurried to the other side. “Oh and that’s a cross.”
Surely to my guards’ dismay, Simon took us further down. “This is one of the most iconic displays here. It’s called the Barrel.”
I walked up to the monstrosity and studied it.
The Barrel was a large, circular pillar surrounded by skulls and tibiae, shooting outward and up to touch the ceiling.
“It’s a little morbid,” Simon said. “But I’m told it serves as a traditional support beam.”
We continued the tour, although my men remained very far behind us, gripping their guns. I didn’t know when they’d pulled them out, but they all kept weapons at their sides. By the time we left, Emily had even more questions. My men hurried out. One gasped a little but made sure not to do so too loudly. Mr. Sweaty’s suit was drenched.
“This was insane, Kaz. I loved this.”
“Good.” I took my phone out. “Stand over there.”
Emily laughed. “The lion takes good pictures?”
“So good that no one would dare to complain about them.”
“That’s pretty damn good.” She did a silly pose as I snapped, and then she got Mr. Sweaty’s attention. “Can you take one of Kazimir and me?”
“O-of course.” His fingers shook as he wiped more sweat off his forehead and took the phone.
After several snaps, I turned to her. “Are you hungry?”
“Definitely. That was a blast, but it tired me out.” She glanced at my guards. “And I think your men need a break from the tunnels.”
“Then, let’s go somewhere amazing to eat.”
She squeezed my hand. “Thank you, Kazimir. This date was incredible.”