“Hi, Iris,” Macsen greets, once she finally stops laughing. He doesn’t seem too perturbed by the whole comedy show he’s walked in on. In fact, he looks amused. “Oh, hey, Ell. I didn’t see you there.”
My eyes narrow as he fights to keep his innocent appearance, and I’m torn between panicking that he heard me say the L-word in the wrong context and wanting to kiss that stupid look off his face.
“I see how it is.” I nod between them both deciding to brazen it out. I point a finger at Iris, then at Macs. “Just you remember who cooks the majority of the food you both eat. Oh yeah,”—I hook my thumb at my chest— “that would be me.”
Iris stands, walks up to my side, and on tiptoes plants a smacking kiss on my cheek.
“And we appreciate you for it, so don’t even think of rationing the goodness.” Hooking the strap of one of the bags over her shoulder, and grabbing the others with her hands, she says her goodbyes, gives Macs a conspiratorial wink, and leaves.
We stare at each other for a beat, me feeling a little awkward still, but also relieved to be in the same space as him for more than a few seconds. It’s crazy the effect his presence has on me. It’s an addictive mix of calm and excited.
“Did you get my note?” Macs finally asks, thankfully not addressing what he overheard moments ago.
“About the art show? Yeah, it sounds good. Iris is going to cover for me, so I’d love to go with you.”
“Great. That’s great. Good. I’m happy. Are you okay to leave about seven?”
“Yeah, that’s great with me. Good. Perfect, in fact.”
Why are we both being so weird right now?”
“And Rex said he apologised before he left?”
I slip my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out to touch him.
“Yeah, yeah he did. It is what it is. It’s good.”
“Good.” He nods. “Great. That’s great.”
“I—”
“We—”
We both laugh awkwardly.
“Okay, enough. So, you heard what I said, which wasn’t anything really. Can we forget it happened and start again? Because this is starting to feel—”
“Weird?”
“Very.”
Macs laughs. “That would be g—”
I hold up a hand, stopping him. “Please don’t say good.”
His smile grows broader. “Great?”
I can’t help it. We’re acting like school kids. And I need his lips on mine.
“Get over here.” I reach out and tug him towards me, and when he’s where he should be, wrapped up in my arms, I take what I need.
Minutes later, thoroughly blissed out with lust-drunk eyes and kiss-wet lips, he pulls away and gives me a smile that’s brighter than any other.
“That was gr—”
I swallow the end of his word and his accompanying laughter until everything else is forgotten except for him in my arms.
Rex doesn’t matter.
The days apart disappear.
All there is, is us.
Chapter 21
Macsen
It’s funny how life catches you by surprise.
I always search for Ellis in every lifetime, but it’s never the same.
What we share—our connection—never changes, but the situations surrounding us are always different. The challenges we both face are never static.
My memories tell me that in some lives we spend decades together, while in others, it may only be a few years.
I get through each one knowing that we find each other eventually, and I never waste a moment of our time together or apart because life is precious. My time with him is precious.
Helping him remember me is always different, too.
Sometimes, it’s almost instant, although that happens rarely. Other times, it takes years for the memories we’ve shared to come back to him, and almost always, he doesn’t get to recall all of them like I do.
There is one part of our shared lifetimes I always hope never comes too soon. Not for me, but for him. The trouble is, every time we come back, its different, and unpredictable. No matter how much I think I’ve prepared for it, it’s the hardest part of all.
You see, Ellis will always be my favourite hello. He is the one meeting I crave. I cherish all the other people I get to experience life with, and I love being a part of their journeys, but nothing will ever compare to finally being with him.
Saying goodbye to Rex, having finally signed EF recruitment over to him after many arguments and discussions, was hard, but not gut wrenching. He couldn’t understand why I wanted nothing in exchange for my share. He tried everything to change my mind, but in the end, he knows me too well. He knows once I make a decision, I stick to it.
Our paths have crossed in many lifetimes. I recognise his soul, and I like to think his recognises mine. That’s why, so often, we end up as friends.
You see, we are all linked in this infinite circle of life.
It’s just that most of us never know it.
Saying goodbye to the life I left behind wasn’t difficult, either.
To live forever in Lily Bay is hardly a sacrifice. The people here are what my mother would’ve described as the ‘salt of the earth’. They look after their own, and their wild eccentricities only serve to endear them to me more.
I’m glad Ellis grew up here and has roots here. The fact that I can also leave a little mark on the place, even if insignificant, settles something in my chest. A part of me will always remain in Lily Bay, and that knowledge is comforting.
One thing I am certain of is if Ellis is my favourite hello, he is also my hardest goodbye. It doesn’t matter that I know it’s more an ‘until later’. Each time gets tougher, not easier, and that comes from lifetimes of loving him. I know I’m lucky to experience a love that makes saying goodbye so hard. Lucky and cursed in equal measure because I still bear the wounds of all our other goodbyes. They are trophies of our time together. Indelible inscriptions etched onto my soul of every life we’ve shared.
And I wouldn’t change a single one.
Which is why I will do everything in my power to make the times between our hellos and goodbyes, ones Ellis will cherish forever.
The knock on my door makes my heart beat faster.
I know it’s him, but knowing doesn’t change the reaction I have when he’s near.
I open the door and almost lie and say the art show is cancelled. The sight of Ellis in blue, pinstripe linen trousers and a slim-fit white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, makes me want to say, stuff the night out. Staying in would be a far better idea.
“Stop looking at me like that or we won’t be going anywhere.”
Obviously, I’m wearing my thoughts of stripping Ellis naked all over my face.
“Wow. You look amazing.”
He makes a slow perusal of me from head to toe, taking in my black tailored trousers and matching black shirt.
“So do you.” His eyes eventually drag from my body to my face. “How important is it that we attend tonight?” The look he gives me is positively feral when he adds, “I’ve heard staying in is the new going out.”