“You already do,” Lori said.
“Good point, but just know that it would continue.” I grinned. “Oh, and you would have to share the bed with me and Bob Barker.”
“Wow, you really know how to sweeten the deal.”
“I know, but imagine this . . . You’re married to me, you come home from work, and I greet you at the door wearing a girdle, Jimmy Choo pumps, and a Gucci tote on my shoulder. I suggest that we do our nails bright pink, then take a Pilates class where we can wear the same Lululemon yoga pants. Oo-la-la! Are you truly going to embrace my bold new life choices and super-adorable accessories?”
Lori thought about it for a moment. “He’s right, Pauline. You need to get a divorce.”
I pumped my fist in the air. “Yes! That’s my girl!”
Lori was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I loved her with all my heart.
And little did she know we were fewer than ten minutes away from me proposing to her live on the air. I couldn’t wait for her to be my wife and I wanted the whole world to know.
Just one more call, and then I would pop the question.
I glanced across at the woman who would be my future wife. I was going to be the luckiest husband in the world.
Lori arched an eyebrow. “Why are you looking at me that way?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lied.
“Right. You’re up to something,” Lori said. “Good luck, Pauline, and thanks for the call.”
I eyed the monitor and then pressed the button for line two. “Eugene, welcome to the show.”
“Good morning,” Eugene said. “I was hoping you could tell me the best way to propose to an eighty-year-old woman. I’m going to pop the question next month.”
I stared at the microphone.
Was he seriously doing this?
The caller wasn’t named Eugene.
It was Grandpa Wayne using a fake name.
Lori arched an eyebrow. “Wait a minute. I think I recognize that voice.”
“Of course, you do. It’s Grandpa Wayne. Who do you think you’re fooling?”
“Ah, shucks,” Grandpa Wayne said. “You’re on to me.”
“I’ve known your voice for forty years. Plus, there aren’t many eighty-year-olds getting married.”
“Well, there should be. They’re missing out.”
“Are you really going to propose to my grandmother?” Lori asked.
“What can I say? The woman is a thief, and she stole my heart.” He chuckled.
Lori smiled. “Well, if you wanted your proposal to be a surprise, you just ruined it since she listens to this show every morning. What were you thinking?”
“I disguised my voice and changed my name,” Grandpa Wayne said. “I didn’t think you would know it was me. I learned the trick from her.”
I cocked my head to the side. “You disguised your voice? But you sound exactly like you.”
“Hmm. That’s odd. What about now? Do I sound different?”
I chuckled. “Still the same, Grandpa.”
“I guess Hollywood won’t be calling me anytime soon.”
“Let’s talk about the proposal,” Lori said. “My grandma likes big gestures, so why wait until next month to propose? You can do it right now on the radio since she’s listening, and you’ve basically said you’re going to do it.”
No! Bad idea!
“Great idea!” Grandpa Wayne said. “How do we get her on the radio with me?”
“We can take care of that for you right now!” Lori said, smiling at me.
I cleared my throat, thinking of a way to stop this from happening. “Now? There’s no reason to rush into this.”
Grandpa Wayne chuckled. “I’m not getting any younger, you know. Let’s do it.”
“Wonderful!” Lori jumped up and down in her seat. “I’ll get my grandma on the phone. Hang on.” She grabbed the extension in the studio next to her and dialed her grandma’s number.
“Yeah,” I said. “Wonderful.”
I’m sure my enthusiasm ranked right around zero on the enthusiasm meter, but I had my proposal all planned out. The ring was right next to me inside my headphone case. I had flowers in the cupboard below. Debbie, the receptionist, was hiding in Jim’s studio across from us, ready to take a video of the moment.
How could I do it now when Grandpa Wayne was going to?
I didn’t want to steal his thunder.
“Hey,” Lori said. “You’ve got dead air.”
I looked up and grinned. “I was hypnotized by your beauty.”
She shook her head. “Nice try. You’re trying to get another free mocha.” She held up her finger and stepped away from her microphone with the phone. It looked like she may have gotten ahold of Joyce, but I would find out soon enough.
“While Lori gets Joyce on the line, do you know what you want to say to her?” I asked.
“I don’t need to think too much about that,” Grandpa Wayne said. “I’ve watched plenty of Hallmark movies and know I need to speak from the heart.”
I chuckled. “Good to know.”
Lori waved to me and pointed to the control board. “Okay, we have my grandma Joyce on line six.”
“Let’s get to it then.” I pressed line six on the control board. “Welcome, Joyce! You’re on the air. Have you been listening to the show?”
“Of course, I’ve been listening,” she said. “I haven’t missed a show in ages. Let’s get down to business. Wayne, are you there? I hear you have something important to ask me that rhymes with bedding.”
“I do,” Grandpa Wayne said. “Very important. Just pretend you don’t know I’m going to propose to you right now.”
“I can do that. I’m the great pretender.”
“Okay then, here we go. Joyce, my love—”
“I do! I do! I do!” Joyce yelled.
I burst with laughter. “You sound like an ABBA song.”
Lori covered her face with her hands and laughed. “Grandma! Give the man a chance to say what he wanted to say. He didn’t even ask you yet! And the I do part will happen at the actual wedding ceremony. You need to answer yes to his proposal, but only after he finishes the entire question. It’s not rocket science, Grandma.”
“Fine, fine,” Joyce said. “I’m a little excited, as you can tell. And I’m not getting any younger, either.”
I chuckled. “Okay, Grandpa Wayne, please continue from the top.”
“You bet,” he said. “Here we go again. Take two . . . Joyce, my love, call me crazy, but I’m crazy for you. Call me a fool, but I’m a fool for you. You’re right, we’re not getting any younger, but we’re young at heart and that’s what counts. And I was hoping you would do me the great honor of being my wife. Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” Joyce screamed. “I’m getting married!”
“All right!” I pumped my fist in the air. “I’m so happy for you both.”
“Me, too.” Lori wiped her eyes.
“Yay for me!” Joyce said. “Hey, since we’re talking about weddings, what about the two of you?”