My hands were shaking, my ears were ringing and I was struck with the desire to be sick. I knew that it wasn’t really me doing this to him but it was my hands, my actions causing my friend to become the centre of ridicule for the entire school and shame washed through me as I was forced to endure it.
“Up,” Saint commanded and I frowned as Bait got to his feet, bowing low to the Night Keepers. Anger roiled in my gut. He looked ridiculous and that was just what they wanted. Him humiliated.
Bait took the razor back from me, tucking it into his pocket as the laughter continued filling the air.
“If you ever try to run from us again, it won’t be your hair that gets cut,” Saint hissed. “Do you understand me?”
Bait nodded quickly, his cheeks turning bright red as every eye in the room fixed on him.
“Dismissed,” Saint snapped and he ran back to the Unspeakables’ table without a backwards glance.
I turned to look at them as anger rose in me on behalf of my friend. A stream of curses came to my lips and were about to pour from them and break right through the mask I’d been hiding behind. Kyan sat up straighter in his chair as he realised I was about to go off like a damn rocket and I choked back the words at the last second. Swallowing them down down down into the very pit of my stomach.
Fucking jumped up, heartless assholes. I’d beat every one of your heads in with a mallet.
I dropped my gaze to my feet and shut my eyes too because this was harder than I’d thought. Wearing a bitch mask was way easier than wearing a little bitch mask. I forced my warring emotions back into that safe space inside me and my breathing started to even out.
It’s not worth it, Tatum. You’ve got to let them get bored of you.
“Sit down,” Saint ordered, pointing to the seat in front of him.
My brows arched and he had to say it again before I moved and sat in the seat he’d pointed out. I did not wanna be stuck looking at the kings of shitbagsville while I ate.
“I’ve ordered your food for you,” Saint said and my jaw started to grind.
Kyan gave me that hopeful look again and I dropped my hands into my lap, digging my nails into my palms. The pain gave me something to focus on while I kept my tongue in check and nodded vaguely, making Kyan sigh in irritation.
Our table was served first and they all had predictable meals placed in front of them. Blake with his syrup-swamped pancakes and cherries, Saint with his eggs and avocado on toast, and Kyan with his fried everything.
My plate was put in front of me last and I looked down at the single leaf of lettuce staring up at me. My lips pursed and hell, this shit was getting harder and harder already. How was I gonna manage not blowing up like a volcano for weeks?
And what if they didn’t get bored? What if they kept this up so long that I snapped and showed them just how unbroken I was after all.
Gah, I wanna stuff this lettuce leaf down Saint Memphis’s throat!
Kyan snorted a laugh and Blake grinned darkly, placing his knife and fork down as he waited to see how I was gonna react.
Saint smiled, viciously slicing his toast into two perfect halves and slicing through his eggs and avocado in the process. “Eat up, Plague. We wouldn’t want you going hungry, now would we?”
I snatched up my lettuce leaf, tearing a piece off it with my teeth and Kyan licked his lips at my savagery. I simply couldn’t help it in that moment. Deprive me of anything, anything but food. Hanger was real. And I was it.
“Use your knife and fork, Plague. You’re not an animal,” Saint demanded and god help me, I wanted to punch him as hard as I’d punched Pearl. No, harder. Definitely fucking harder.
Keep your cool, Tatum, dammit!
I picked up my knife and fork with a false smile and started cutting into the remains of the lettuce leaf.
I didn’t know how long I was going to manage keeping myself in check, I already felt like a kernel left on the fire. I wasn’t built to comply. But even if I pulled this off and they got sick of me, the best I could probably hope for was joining the Unspeakables and living on the outskirts of the community for the rest of the year. And that was the absolute best case scenario. But it still had to be better than this.
***
I sat out by the lake after dinner, throwing pebbles at the water and watching the ripples stir the still surface. I’d stashed a change of workout clothes in my bag after I’d gone back to my dorm this morning so I didn’t have to go to The Temple any time soon. My black leggings and black and white crop top had been perfect for the run I’d taken to expend the searing energy in my limbs.
The fact that they’d gone through my bag last night was something I didn’t wanna dwell on too much. But I was hoping they’d just swiped out the top layer of clothes for me and left the bag alone. Because if they’d found my dad’s gun, surely they would have said something? And then there were my letters to Jessica…but I didn’t see why they’d be interested in those. I had ones in there from her too and I cared about them even more. They were little pieces of her I could carry everywhere with me. And I didn’t want the Night Keepers’ greasy hands on them.
After a day of being ignored, ridiculed and humiliated, I was starting to wonder if I really could handle biting my tongue much longer. It had only been a day and I was fit to bursting with rage. Part of me was happy about that. It meant the Night Keepers hadn’t left any permanent damage on me. And that had to be cause for celebration. Or it just meant there was a lot more of me to break, depending on which way you looked at it.
The most excruciating thing of all, was the lack of food. For every meal today, I’d been served with a single lettuce leaf and a glass of water. And each time, the Night Keepers looked at me like they were waiting for me to speak out, to refuse it, to demand a full meal. But I bit my tongue and chomped through the tasteless crunch of lettuce like a pet rabbit. By dinner, I even thanked Saint for my wonderful meal. That might have been overkill come to think of it. But he’d frowned like I was pissing him right off so I hoped he was getting the message.
A run had probably been a bad idea. I was feeling a bit light-headed. But I wasn’t going to survive a few weeks of this if I didn’t have an outlet for my rage.
Saint hadn’t given me any direction after dinner, and I’d decided I wasn’t going to return to The Temple until they beckoned me. I didn’t wanna be stuck in their company for more hours than was absolutely necessary. But I imagined they’d soon come up with more creative ways to torture me. So this was just the quiet before the storm.
I still didn’t have my phone back from Mr Monroe so I had no idea what time it was. But as I thought of it, the memory of his offer suddenly struck me like a heart attack.
I was on my feet before I’d even really made the decision, quickening my pace to a run until I was flat out sprinting in the direction of the Cypress Gym. How had it taken me this freaking long to remember his offer? After everything that had happened last night, I’d completely forgotten about it. But now, holy shit, I had an ally that could actually damn help me!
I raced up the wooden steps that led into the gym, pushing the glass doors open and jogging into the corridor. An open door to my left gave me a view into the huge gym and I hunted the space for Monroe; there were a few students working out, their machines looking out over the incredible Olympic sized pool through a glass window at the far end of the room. The state of the art equipment was fitted with screens and not even the Plague walking in made anyone take notice.