Until it’s gone.
The sudden halt of his stride is startling. I rush around, facing him. He eyes us curiously, unsure of how to proceed. His gaze scans my frame before darting to Malik.
“We were just finished here,” Malik says. He sidesteps me and exits the room before I can beg him to stay, to tell me what this means.
Why is Malik so concerned with the dark promise I made?
What did Amicia make me do?
With Malik gone, the air in the room is heavy. I can’t handle the accusations in Holland’s eyes, so I turn away.
“What was that about?” Holland asks, but I’m already moving away from him.
“It was nothing,” I say. Malik’s immediate and tense reaction forces me to lie to Holland. I hate that the words spill so easily from my mouth. I don’t want to lie to him—or to anyone, for that matter—but that uneasy sensation building in my stomach has me convinced I’ll become quite good at lying by the end of the day.
“Is something going on between you two?” Holland asks.
His accusation halts me. I spin to face him, hoping the shock on my face is as evident as it is in my heart.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” I ask. Surprised by his words, I try to consider how things must appear to Holland as a bystander.
Holland shrugs. “This isn’t the first time I’ve clearly interrupted something.” His voice is emotionless, but his eyes silently judge me.
“Of course not. Malik is like a brother to me.”
“Well, Malik is a brother to Jasik, so keep that in mind,” he says, arms crossed.
“Holland, there is nothing happening here. I don’t know what you think you saw, but Malik is just my trainer. He’s a friend—nothing more.”
I hope I don’t look as tense as I feel. The last thing I want is for rumors to spread. I’m certain Jasik won’t believe them, but things could get awkward between us. The other vampires won’t take kindly to any rumblings of a tryst either.
“But you don’t want to tell me what you were talking about?” Holland continues. “And why exactly did Malik rush out so quickly?”
“Training was over,” I say.
He arches a brow, clearly not impressed with my explanation.
I sigh and opt for honesty. “Malik is concerned about something that happened between Amicia and me. It’s nothing for you to worry about, okay?”
Holland relaxes, his arms dangling at his sides. He frowns and says, “Is everything all right?”
“It will be,” I say, feigning confidence.
I give him my best smile—the one that’s supposed to get me out of even the worst jams. He must accept it, because after several long seconds, he nods and changes the subject.
“So are you ready to summon the elements?” He smiles brightly, showing all of his polished, white teeth. He wiggles his brows, overly excited to test my limits once again. I wish I could fake such enthusiasm.
“I suppose…”
“What’s the matter? Don’t you want to see if you can?”
I nod. “I do, but… I’m just nervous.”
And I have a lot on my mind right now.
“Don’t worry about anything. I’m here. I’ll reel you back in if it gets bad.” Holland’s voice is soft but confident. And I believe him.
“Just…don’t let it get to that point, okay?”
He smiles. “Promise.”
The silent hum of the house threatens to lull me to sleep. The soft patter of footsteps overhead reminds me that I’m not alone, even though the darkness of the room makes me feel like I am. With the lights off and without even a sliver of light to help illuminate the room, I can’t see Holland. I hear him, though. I mimic his slow, deep inhalations and exaggerated exhalations. His breathing is comforting and eases my inner turmoil.
My arms are heavy. They rest atop my lap. I’m sitting cross-legged on the soft mat floor. My body sinks into it, the cushion giving way to my weight. I wiggle my toes and curl my fingers. Whenever I feel like I might drift away, I do this. It helps to ground my senses.
I breathe in deeply, slowly, until my lungs ache at the pressure, and then I exhale, releasing the tension in my shoulders.
I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here like this, but I know it’s been far too long. It feels like days have stretched before us while we’ve secluded ourselves in this small space away from vampires and light.
Of course, I know this isn’t true. It probably hasn’t been even thirty minutes. That’s the beauty of meditation. It allows me to escape this place, to release the negative energy even though I’m still securely planted in the midst of it.
The steady thump of my heart echoes in my mind. I envision the muscle pumping blood through my body, providing the fuel my magic needs.
I focus on that power. It swirls inside me, a bright, burning ball of shimmery, iridescent magic.
I tug at it, and it gives way to me. Slowly, it creeps from the depths of my soul and coats my skin, seeping out of my pores. It illuminates the room, sending a burst of light to every corner. A glistening sheen settles among us. Holland stares back at me, and I’m certain the excitement in his eyes matches my own.
I’m smiling so sincerely, it actually hurts my cheeks. A rush of giggles escapes my throat, and I don’t try to push it down. I can’t contain my excitement or the giddy feeling washing over me when I allow the magic inside to consume my entire body. I feel warm everywhere. No longer do I feel like I control the magic. All at once, I become the energy encased within it. With magic flowing all around me, it wraps around my body, covering me, protecting me, revitalizing me.
“I wish you could see it, Ava,” Holland whispers. His eyes sparkle, and his hands are shaking.
I risk a peek at the wall of mirrors to my side, straining my neck until I can see what mesmerizes Holland.
The rush of energy all around me gives the glow of a physical appearance. It swirls and sparkles all around me, never straying too far. It illuminates the entire room and glimmers off my pale skin. I’m shiny and slick, strong and elated.
“Do you think you can summon a fireball?” Holland asks.
I face him, a sudden rush of nerves overpowering my initial excitement at practicing magic.
I swallow the knot in my throat and nod. “I’ll try.”
Closing my eyes, I focus on the fire element. I envision its strength and heat, its fury and dominance. As one of the strongest elements, it takes a powerful witch to maintain control over the element—and I imagine there is no stronger witch than one with the blood of a vampire.
Gnawing on my lower lip, I silently call to the element. I speak to it in my mind and in my heart, calling its name like I used to when I didn’t survive on an all-liquid diet.
“Incendia.”
The Latin word for fire rolls off my tongue with ease. It’s familiar and makes me homesick. The feeling passes quickly, but it was there nonetheless. It leaves an emptiness—one I fear I’ll never shake. The hollowness where my devotion to my coven once resided is a startling reminder that I can no longer rely on Mamá for guidance. If I want to control my magic, I need to learn to do so on my own.
I wait for the fire to thicken, but it doesn’t. The air around me doesn’t grow hot; my skin is not moist. There is no mist, no heat, no fire. There is only magic, and it coats my skin so tightly, I’m not sure where it ends and I begin.