Pausing in the kitchen, I run one hand over the back of my neck. “So, listen, can I talk to you about something?”
“Of course.” She meets my eyes, waiting.
Her lips are perfect. I can’t stop my brain from replaying our first kiss. It was hot and tender, and of course I want to kiss her again. Not happening, dude.
“Coach asked me to pick a cause for the team to support this season. Last year, it was breast cancer awareness, and all the guys changed the laces on their skates to pink ones. But for this year, I had another idea.”
“Okay?”
“It’s another women’s cause, but I wanted to run it by you first.”
“What is it?” she asks.
“Domestic violence.”
I read a bunch of statistics online and was prepared to rattle these off to her—like that most violence against women is never reported to the police, or that one out of five murder victims is killed by an intimate partner. But it now seems really insensitive, so I keep my mouth shut.
“There’s a women’s shelter in Seattle that’s vastly underfunded.” I swallow the words as an unexpected wave of emotion sweeps through me. “We’d be donating a portion of ticket sales to help out.”
Tears form in Ana’s eyes, and she blinks them away. “I think that’s amazing, Grant.” Her voice is small and hushed.
I can’t tell if she’s touched by this or saddened by it. I’m still not good with crying, but I’d like to think I’m getting better.
Opening my arms, I beckon her closer. “You look like you could use a hug.”
Softening, she smiles and steps into my embrace. “I didn’t take you for the cuddly type. But look at you, exceeding all expectations.”
“Trust me, I’m not.”
“Could have fooled me,” she murmurs, lingering in my arms. The top of her head doesn’t even reach my chin, and her face is pressed into the front of my shirt.
It feels so good to hold Ana again. I haven’t touched her since that night, not even an accidental bumping of elbows in the hallway. Nothing.
My heart rate picks up, and I take a step back at my body’s response to hers being so close. “I’m sorry.”
She blinks up at me. “For what?”
“I just . . .” I shove one hand in my pocket and force the words out of my mouth. “As perfect as the other night was, and believe me, I’m grateful you chose to share that with me . . . I don’t think that can happen again.”
She’s quiet for a second, and then looks up to meet my eyes. “I’m not looking to jump into another relationship, Grant. You don’t have to worry. It felt good. I think we both needed that. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
I nod along to her little monologue, but she’s wrong. It meant a lot more to me than it did to her, and that’s why I won’t let myself go there again. Because I can see how easy it would be to feel messy, inconvenient things for her, and how easily she could break my heart.
I’d like to smile and make a joke. I’d like to tell myself that sex between us could be casual and fun, and promise her that it wouldn’t complicate things. But that would be a lie.
There’s nothing simple about my feelings for Ana. I don’t normally do complicated, yet here I am, in way over my head with this girl.
• • •
When I walk into the dressing room the next morning, the sight before me shouldn’t be a surprise. But it is. Because Jason shouldn’t be here, yet here he is, standing there cleaning out his stall while the rest of the team gets changed for practice.
I guess I figured he’d sneak in at some off hour and do it without an audience. Or hell, even make one of the PAs clear it out for him and ship his shit to him. I haven’t seen his face since the suspension started, and I’d started to convince myself that I never would.
“Hey, good luck in Wisconsin,” one of the rookies says to him.
Jason nods. “It’s all good.”
“You’re in a good mood,” someone else says.
Jason chuckles and continues packing up his hockey bag, tossing in a pair of old socks. “I’m still going to be playing hockey, even if it is in the minors for a bit. Plus, I got laid this morning, and then had a long shower and a strong cup of coffee. Life is good, man.”
My nostrils flare, and I tighten my hand around the roll of athletic tape I’m holding.
He’s already fucking someone else?
What woman in her right mind would want anything to do with his sorry ass?
He could be bluffing—everything else in his life is falling apart at the moment. He lost his girlfriend, his spot on the pro roster, and has been disgraced by the media.
Even if he isn’t bluffing, I really don’t give a rat’s ass. He’s done hurting Ana as far as I’m concerned. And she won’t hear about this from me. Somewhere along the way, protecting her has become something I do on instinct.
And I’ll keep right on doing it, no matter the cost.
15
* * *
Deep Breaths
Ana
“Ana?”
My eyes shoot open, the soft lighting of the massage parlor’s ceiling slowly coming into focus. There’s a carpet-like texture against my skin . . . wait, yep, I’m on the floor.
What the hell?
“Are you okay?” Almost in slow motion, Georgia slides into my vision. She’s at my side, one hand on my shoulder and the other digging in her pocket.
“What happened?” I ask, my brow furrowed as I try to figure out what the hell happened. An older woman is half lying, half leaning over the massage table, staring at me with wide eyes, and my hands are slick with oil. Oh shit.
“You collapsed during a session,” Georgia mutters, worry coloring her features. “Damn, I must have left my phone at the desk. I’ll get it. How are you feeling? Should I call an ambulance? Yep, I should call an ambulance.”
“No, no.” I object, shaking my head a little too aggressively, which causes my vision to go hazy again. Wow, I’m so light-headed. “It’s just a dizzy spell. I’m okay. I can finish . . .” I make a move to get up, and decide immediately that’s not going to happen and sit back on the floor.
“Don’t even think about moving just yet,” Georgia says, her tone stern.
I nod, dropping my head into my hands. “You’re right. I don’t feel so great. I may need to go home.”
“Okay, I’ll drive you. Devon! DEVON!” Georgia shouts the owner’s name until he rushes over, his expression panicked.
“What is it? What happened?” Devon gasps when he sees me. “Ana? You’re so pale!”
“I think I need to go home,” I manage to say, but Georgia cuts in.
“She collapsed mid-massage. I have no idea what happened, but I’m going to drive her home and get her settled. Can you have Maggie take care of this super-understanding client while you watch the front desk?” She nods toward the woman on the table, who may be paler than me at this point. “Ana’s appointments need to be rescheduled, and my next appointment too.”