“I don’t want to wait, Ana. I want it all. Us living together as a couple. As a family. I love you, both of you, so fucking much. This is all I’ve ever wanted. And so I hope you don’t hate me for pushing, but I gave you space, waited months for you to be ready, and now that we’re doing this—I can’t wait anymore. You’re mine now, sweetheart. Both of you.”
“Yes,” I manage to say, my voice brimming with emotion.
After that, he just holds me and lets me grieve the loss of Jason in my own way. And when we go to bed that night, we’re wrapped up tight in each other’s arms. It’s the best feeling in the world.
• • •
We don’t go to Jason’s funeral.
Grant is thoughtful enough to send flowers to the funeral home in time for the service, and a couple of his teammates travel to the funeral. But with a newborn and my own mental health as our priorities, it’s better for our little family to stay home.
Over the next few weeks, we’re visited by friends—Georgia, Becca and Owen, Elise, Bailey, Sara, and even Jordie. It’s a lot of social energy to dole out, but I’m grateful for every congratulatory smile and consolatory hug.
The world keeps spinning, and Hunter keeps growing. With Grant by my side, Hunter in my arms, and Hobbes at my feet, I can’t ask for anything more.
28
* * *
Taking Care of Business
Ana
I stand in front of my dresser wearing only a pair of panties as I dig through the top drawer, searching for a bra that will fit. I stopped nursing a few days ago, since I pumped enough milk to get Hunter through another month or so, and then I plan to switch to formula. I’ll be going to work soon, just part time, but this seemed like the best option to transition her to.
It’s been eight weeks since she was born. We moved back into Grant’s condo last month, since it has more space and is much nicer than the apartment I’d rented. Plus, I only had a short-term lease and it was up for renewal soon, so it was the perfect time to go.
Grant wanders into the bedroom, stopping short when he sees me standing here topless. “I just laid Hunter down for a nap,” he says, his voice strained.
“Thanks,” I say, rummaging in the back of the drawer where I think I have a sports bra that might work. I packed up all my nursing bras, and none of my old ones fit anymore.
Grant clears his throat, and I glance over at him, stunned for a second by the hungry look on his face. When my gaze lowers, I realize he’s as hard as a fence post below the belt, his pants tented out with a bulging erection.
“Um . . .” My mouth lifts in a crooked smile. “Everything okay over there, big guy?”
“Fuck. Sweetheart, can you put on some clothes?” He shifts and adjusts the front of his pants, looking almost like he’s in pain.
Realizing for the first time that my post-baby body is still pleasing to him, I feel my heartbeat start to drum faster.
My stomach has flattened out again, and though it’s still soft, I’ve been pleased that I’ve lost some of the pregnancy weight without really trying. My breasts are still lush, and larger than they were before. For the first time in a very long time, I’m flooded with feelings of desire.
“I was trying to put something on,” I murmur, talking a step closer to him. “But nothing really fits.”
Feeling bold, I stop just a few feet from where he stands. His gaze tracks hotly over my torso, lingering on my bare breasts. When I cup them in my hands and squeeze, Grant lets out a ragged groan.
“Fuck.” He breathes out the word, watching me push my cleavage together.
Between midnight feedings, spit-up in my hair, my changing body and hormones, adjusting to motherhood, and moving out of my apartment . . . the last thing I’ve felt lately is sexy. Which means I have a very neglected, apparently very horny man on my hands.
Suddenly, I feel a little selfish. But it didn’t occur to me that just because I wasn’t ready for sex, Grant may have felt differently. He never let on. I guess I just assumed he was as tired as me, collapsing into bed each night with sex as the very last thing on my mind. I hate the idea that I’ve been neglectful. It’s time to remedy that.
“You gonna put something on and cover up those gorgeous breasts, or what?” His voice is raspy, thick with unrestrained desire.
“I could,” I whisper, slowly dropping to my knees before him. “Or . . .” I unbutton his jeans and slowly pull down the zipper. “We could take everything off together. You said Hunter’s asleep, right?”
He nods quickly. “You sure?”
When I tug down his boxers, Grant assists, pushing his jeans down too. They fall to his knees, and I have my mouth on him before he can say anything else. His hands slide into my hair as I welcome the first few inches of him into my mouth.
He hisses out a deep groan.
“Oh, I’m very sure,” I murmur with my mouth full of him.
I’ve missed this. The deep, rumbling sounds that come from his chest. The taste of warm male flesh under my tongue. The dirty endearments he whispers as I suck and nibble on his firm cock.
“Fuck, sweetheart. Yes.”
“You like that?” I grin up at him, feeling bold and sexy.
He nods, his eyes focused on his cock sliding in and out of my mouth. “Go deeper,” he rasps.
I do, and Grant’s answering moan vibrates in his throat. It’s the sexiest sound.
After a few minutes, he lifts me from the carpet and deposits me on the bed, where he proceeds to make a meal out of me—hungrily licking and sucking on my breasts, then kissing the pulsing spot between my thighs until I’m trembling and very, very close to orgasm.
“Grant . . .” I moan, rocking my hips against his face.
“You want my cock, baby?”
I swallow a huge wave of desire and nod.
He joins me on the bed, positioning his big, broad body over mine, and then he’s pushing inside, inch by slow inch while I adjust. “Tell me if—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “Don’t hold back,” I whisper against his lips.
And he doesn’t. Moving with such skill and confidence that I’m reduced to whimpering sounds as I cling to his wide shoulders. Fastening his mouth to mine while his talented body wrenches two orgasms from me.
Grant is an amazing lover—generous and decidedly confident. When he gets close, his measured strokes falter and he presses his mouth against my throat. With a low sound, he finds his release, and his cock throbs inside me.
Afterward, he pulls me into his arms and holds me. “That was incredible,” he whispers, planting sweet kisses along my temple.
“You looked like you needed that,” I say with a grin.
He chuckles. “I really did.”
I sit up and meet his eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
The doctor cleared me for sex at my six-week exam. Grant knew this. He’s known that for a couple of weeks now.
He touches my shoulder, brushing my hair back with his fingertips. “Because you weren’t ready. Because I was fine jerking it in the shower every night until you were.”
I shake my head at him. “You crazy man. I love you.”