‘Difficult?’ Sophie questioned.
‘Yes,’ I said, my face growing hot, ‘difficult. We haven’t all got a perfect family dynamic like the one you and Hope enjoy. Some of us struggle to work with our nearest and dearest.’
Sophie shook her head and sighed.
‘So, the farm’s in trouble, is it?’
‘Yes,’ I said, hoping I wasn’t speaking out of turn and that if she did tell Sam, then it wouldn’t go any further, ‘it is, and the last thing Joe needs is more local resentment. Not that I really understand why he’s facing any. Things are hard enough for him right now.’
‘I know you probably think we’re all wrong to be looking out for Sam,’ Sophie sighed, ‘but there was more happened the night of that crash than any of us really knows, Tess. There must have been.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, for a start, if it was all so cut and dried then Sam would have been arrested and charged, wouldn’t he?’
‘Yes,’ I agreed, because I couldn’t deny it, ‘I suppose he would . . .’
‘And he’s always been such a cautious and conscientious lad.’
Another customer arrived, cutting our conversation off again, but it didn’t stop me wondering if Sophie was right. Was there more to what happened than either Sam or Joe were prepared to admit? And if that was the case, would it ever be possible for either of them to truly leave the past behind and move on?
*
My head was starting to spin again so I took myself off for a walk along the beach before heading to the cottage. I hadn’t been back all that long, when someone rapped sharply on the door.
‘Sophie,’ I said, surprised to see her. ‘What’s up?’
‘Well,’ she said, stepping inside as I opened the door wider to let her in. ‘I was thinking over our conversation while I was closing up and I wanted to come and apologize.’
‘Apologize,’ I frowned. ‘What for?’
‘For making you feel as though you had to tell me about your friendship with Joe for a start,’ she said, as we sat together on the sofa. ‘It was never my intention to pry, but there’s still so many loose ends to do with the crash that, whenever Joe Upton’s name is even mentioned, it sets us all on edge.’
‘I see.’
‘Sam’s grandmother was his last living relative,’ she went on, ‘and she died, leaving him the pub, just a few weeks after he came out of his coma. Being witness to the way he’s had to cope and the extent of what he’s been through, has perhaps made some of us a little too forthright in his defence.’
‘He’s obviously been through a lot,’ I conceded, ‘but then, so have the Uptons.’
‘That’s true.’
‘Thank goodness Sam has Hope,’ I said, thinking that at least he wasn’t entirely alone in the world.
Sophie’s face lit up.
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘they think the world of each other.’
That was more than obvious.
‘They’re very lucky,’ I nodded.
At least their relationship was one thing I had found in Wynmouth that was just as it appeared to be. I let out a long breath, thinking of my first kiss and wondering if I was in for any more memory-altering surprises during my stay.
‘That was a long sigh,’ Sophie commented. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘What makes you think anything’s wrong?’ I shrugged.
‘Let’s call it a mother’s intuition,’ she said, making me tear up a little. ‘Let me make us some tea and then you can tell me.’
She reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.
‘But only if you want to,’ she hastily added, making me smile.
*
‘Have you ever,’ I found myself asking, once we were settled with mugs of tea and a packet of Rich Tea biscuits, ‘discovered that something you wholeheartedly believed in, something you had total faith in, was a complete myth?’
‘You mean it was a lie?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I suppose I do, whether that was something that someone had told you, or something you had fooled yourself into believing.’
I was thinking mostly of Mum’s diary, and my parents’ less-than-perfect marriage, but there were also thoughts of my first kiss with Joe and how that hadn’t turned out to be picture-perfect either.
‘Sort of,’ said Sophie, dunking a biscuit.
‘Sort of,’ I frowned, ‘either you have, or you haven’t.’
‘Let me explain.’
I waited while she gathered her thoughts.
‘I once put my complete faith in a man,’ she eventually said, ‘who then let me down.’
I wondered if she was talking about Hope’s father.
‘So, you do know then,’ I jumped in.
‘I haven’t finished yet,’ she tutted.
‘Sorry,’ I apologized, sitting further back.
‘As I said,’ she carried on, ‘he did let me down, but then I discovered why and I realized that what had happened wasn’t straightforward at all. It involved him having to make a very difficult decision and, even though I was hurt, I knew his choice was the right one because it caused the least amount of heartache for everyone involved.’
‘That’s very magnanimous of you.’
Sophie chuckled.
‘Perhaps,’ she said, ‘but it took me a long time to feel that way. We’re talking years, Tess, but time is a great healer. It passes and gives us perspective and of course, whether we resist it or not, life does move on from such things.’
I nodded.
‘So,’ she said softly, ‘are you going to tell me what it is in your life that you’ve realized isn’t what you thought it was?’
I shook my head.
‘Not today,’ I said, ‘but thank you for sharing your experience with me.’
‘I haven’t shared much,’ she said, ‘but the point is this: before you decide that you have discovered something isn’t true or real, and act on it, make sure you’re in full possession of all the facts and that you have them in the right order.’
Chapter 15
After our heart to heart, Sophie’s words – ‘make sure you’re in full possession of all the facts and that you have them in the right order’ – rang long and loud in my ears. I took out Mum’s diary again, scouring through the pages to check that I hadn’t missed anything. I certainly had ‘all the facts’ and, thanks to the dates typed at the top of the pages, knew they were definitely ‘in the right order’.
There was no mistaking their meaning and they were the final thing I needed to help me decide that I was going to quit my job with the family firm. Long before I had run to Wynmouth I had admitted to myself that I didn’t enjoy what I did anymore and now it was time to deal with Dad and put him back in the, horribly depleted, family pigeon hole. A part of me wanted to expel him from my life completely but, carrying so much guilt over one lost parent, I wasn’t about to deliberately sacrifice the other.
Major decision finally made, I refused to stress about it or let it dominate my thoughts any further. I would do my best to carry on with my holiday and throw myself into doing what I could to help out with the solstice party.