He nodded. “You are definitely a mystery.”
I grinned at that. “I aim to please.”
He pointed. “Now, there’s a national museum in that building, but we have a lot to cover so we’re going to skip it today.”
“Okay. Let me buck up. Hey, stop hogging the croissants.”
Paris had a certain charm with its old buildings and narrow winding streets. They were lined with bistros and boutiques and cozy bookshops. When we hit Rue Mouffetard, Ben stopped. “Okay, grab that lamppost. Wind yourself around it. Look happy.”
“What, are we doing, an impromptu photo shoot?”
“Of course. You have to prove you were in Paris, you know for the ’gram.”
“Please don’t say ‘the ’gram’.”
“What? I’m hip. I’m cool.”
“I’m not sure hip and cool is what I would refer you as.”
“Don’t you know I am a London Lord? We’re notorious for an overabundance of fun.”
“You know, I could see that… in your heyday.”
“My heyday? You are a dead woman.”
I squeaked as I bolted away from him. He caught me easily, wrapping his arms around me and tickling me until I squealed.
It was so easy to be with him in the spring sunshine. And fun. It felt light and happy. We stopped at a few spots in the market, and Ben bought me a scarf and cheap jewelry. I couldn’t help but smile. “You know, you didn’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I did. You helped me. I owe you at least this much.”
“No, I think you’ve already done enough for me.”
“No, not nearly enough.”
We passed the Pantheon, and I stared up in wonder. “Aren’t Marie Curie and Alexander Dumas entombed there?”
He laughed. “Yes, along with many other religious, political and cultural figures, but it was originally a church before being secularized during the French Revolution.”
“God, I know we don’t really have time to go in, but just the history, you know? My mother would have loved it.”
“She never came to Paris?”
I shook my head. “She did, but she was always working. She never seemed to have time to really explore. Not until she got older and quit work. And then she was always bothering me to live life and experience all the things I could experience, spread my wings, and fight for justice.”
He laughed. “Like Batman.”
“So to speak. But yeah, it was long after she retired that I think she really understood that she’d spent too much of her life crammed into an office and meetings, you know?”
“How long did she have before she got sick?”
“Oh, we had a good solid five years. Every opportunity we had, she was like, ‘Livy, let’s get on a plane.’ And we had some wild adventures, but we never did Paris together. I wish we had.”
“Well, I think her spirit is here.” He reached for the pin. Even though it was only the back of his knuckles that touched my arm really, my skin flamed.
Jesus. Get your shit together, Livy. No more emotionally unavailable men.
We headed down to Luxemburg Gardens then and had fun exploring. Ben was the perfect guide. Knowledgeable and patient as I found spots to scatter Mom’s ashes. He didn’t ask any questions when I asked for a minute, just gave me space and didn’t make me feel weird when he caught me with a misty eye.
We scarfed the last croissant that Ben had the nerve to fight me for. He learned very quickly how far I was willing to go for pastry. The tulips were blooming, and I could see why everyone raved about springtime in Paris. We passed the Palais de Justice where Marie Antoinette was imprisoned before going to the guillotine, then we just wandered through the elegant buildings, charming streets, and picturesque squares of the 5th. And the shops… the shops full of antiques, clothes and things that I couldn’t afford, called my name. But oh God, I would have loved to window-shop and touch.
Then Ben stopped me. “Right here. Café de Flore.”
I laughed. “Oh boy, I bet you’re feeding me again. I’m going to not fit in my clothes by the time I get back to London.”
“Oh, I think you’re going to fit just fine.”
He came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. “Here you go. This is the best hot chocolate in Paris.”
I took a sip and moaned. Sweet chocolate and whipped cream soothed my soul. “Oh my God. You are so right. Okay, where to next?”
“Well, we are in Paris, so obviously, the Eiffel Tower.”
I couldn’t help but squeak. Just the idea of it made me excited. “I know it’s touristy, but I really want to see it.”
“Are you sure? It’s a bit of a walk, but if you’re up for it, let’s go.” He pulled out two tickets to the Eiffel Tower.
“You ordered tickets early?”
“Of course. I don’t want to waste our day standing in a queue.”
And he was right. The queue for the Eiffel tower was insane. But we went straight to the top.
I didn’t care if it was cliché, the views alone were worth the disdain of the locals.
I couldn’t believe I was in Paris, taking in the sights with him, and it was so easy talking to him. I learned a bit about his life at Downing Street, his father, boarding school, and how he’d met Bridge and East and Drew. I didn’t think I’d met Drew yet. And then he talked about his friend who’d died, Toby. Their adventures, their misadventures. Mostly surface things. Maybe it hurt too much to talk about him. But he also talked about his cousin Roone, who had inadvertently married into a royal family.
“Your life is crazy.”
“Believe me, I know.”
We walked and talked and walked some more, and my feet were on fire. Luckily, we were close to L’Epoque, and we stopped to rest for a moment and have a coffee. Ben looked at me across the table and asked, “How are you liking your perfect Paris date so far?”
Date? “It is perfect.”
“I thought you’d appreciate a break before we hit the Louvre.”
I just grinned up at him. “You don’t have to do any of this you know.”
“I know. But at least I can show a girl a good time in Paris of all places.”
I shoved him. “There’s that ego again. And let’s be clear, the only reason I’m so happy is because of Paris.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay, if you say so.”
He knew the truth. I knew the truth. He was the reason. We could have been in any ordinary place, and I still would have been just as happy to be with him. Because I was completely done for.
23
Ben
She looked... happy. All day she’d been a chatterbox, asking me questions, wanting to know more about me and how I’d grown up. And for the first time in a long time, I felt light. Content. As if nothing could touch me.
But it’s not real, is it?
No, it wasn’t real. And I had to live with that because someone was following her. Because of me she was now a part of this. It was my fault, and there was no taking that back.
But for now, she looked content.
“Why were you hiding in that closet that night?”