“There was harm. You did me harm every time you tried to blame your injuries on me. God. Were you ever even injured?”
“I did hurt my hand.”
“Clearly not very much because you were able to move me to the driver’s seat.”
He started to pace and ran his supposedly injured hand through his hair. “It just all got away from me. Fuck. Everything was bloody fine until you took that job. This is Ben Covington’s fault. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist poisoning you against me.”
I could see it so clearly now. The blatant narcissism. The delusions of grandeur. Had he always been like this and I’d just been too dumb to see it?
Suddenly, all I felt was utter exhaustion. “Dexter, I’m not angry. I’m numb and empty. If I’m being honest, I think I always knew. I just didn’t want to see it, admit it.”
He glared at me “How can you not be angry? That’s the problem, you don’t care enough.”
I blinked at him. “Wh-what?”
“The accident. The fact that I’ve been sleeping with someone else. You can’t even muster the energy to give a shit. How am I supposed to feel loved and desired like that?”
His words were a punch to the gut. “What?” I hadn’t said a thing about him sleeping with someone. Sure, that pretty redhead from his office had given me pause, but had I missed some obvious sign?
“What? Like Covington didn’t tell you?”
My brain whirled, and I shook my head, trying to get a handle on the conversation that was happening. “I don’t understand what the hell you are saying.”
My stomach churned. Then nausea threatened to take over. Dexter stood then and started to pace. All I could do was drop my bag where I stood and then sink down onto the ottoman.
“You’re telling me, he didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
He ran his hands through his hair, tugging. “He didn’t fucking tell you? Why wouldn’t he? He clearly wanted to fuck you.”
My stomach squeezed as I thought of what we’d done last night. “Back the fuck up, Dexter. What is going on?”
“What do you think I’m talking about?”
I stared at him. “I have no idea. I thought you were talking about the fact that I can’t accept that engagement ring and that we haven’t been right in months. But you’re talking about you cheating on me? And what the hell did Ben have to do with this?”
He shook his head. “I—”
“The cat is out of the bag. You might as well just say what you need to say.”
He paced and ran his fingers through his hair and then over his face. “Okay look, I thought he’d told you. I just need a second.”
“What, a second to lie? No, say what you’re going to say.”
He stopped and glared at me. “Fine. You were so depressed all the time. You were always moaning about your mom, and you really weren’t there for me.”
“Wait, so you’re blaming me because my mother died and I’d been grieving? She died six months ago. So you decided you should cheat on me?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. It was not like a decision I made. It was just—it just happened. I missed so much work because of my hand. And—”
I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. First, he told me he cheated on me only because somehow, he thought Ben would have told me. And then he blamed me. And now he thought that I was going to overlook this and just let it go? I stared up at him. On the outside, he was still the same tall, handsome man I’d fallen in love with. It wasn’t so much that he’d changed; it was that I was seeing him more clearly now. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened, and why in the world do you think Ben knows anything about it?”
He sighed. “Look, why can’t we just move past this?”
“We can’t move past anything until you tell me the truth.”
He sat across from me on the couch and took my hands. “Okay, look. Things were so messed up after your mom died, and I didn’t know how to help you. You were just so sad. Then, I messed up with the promotion, and it was just a mess at work. You weren’t really there for me, and then we had the accident. You didn’t remember how it happened, and you know, you had your injuries and I had mine. Then I started physical therapy, and Andrea, she used to really get me, you know? It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done that to you, but I was grieving too. And I didn’t handle it the right way. I should have talked to you. We should have gone to more therapy or something. Taken it more seriously. But here we are.”
“Why do you think that Ben knew anything about it? He’s my boss, why would he know anything?”
He swallowed hard then. He gripped my hands tighter, and I could feel the clamminess of his skin. All I wanted to do was pull my hands out of his, but he held on too tight. It was like a poison he’d created around me. “At the fundraiser, I didn’t think you were coming. And Andrea was there. He caught us in the conference room.”
There was nothing for me to do but blink at him. “My boss, Ben Covington, caught you screwing your girlfriend at the fundraising event?”
He inhaled sharply. “She’s not my girlfriend. It was just a fling.”
“You’ve been sleeping with her. Shagging her. Fucking her. Whatever you want to say. But you have the nerve to stand here and accuse me of something happening with Ben?”
“Oh, come on, I could see how he looked at you.”
I smiled at him. “Maybe you’re right about how he looks at me, and you know what? Maybe you’re right about how I look at him.”
He nodded. “See? I told you. You slag!”
The insult rolled off of me like I was Teflon. “The difference is I didn’t shag him. Because I thought I owed you the respect of tying this off because of our relationship, and I wanted to make sure that I had a clean slate before I did anything. But I guess none of that was necessary.”
“Don’t act so fucking spoiled. People have affairs all the time. It’s no reason not to get married. I want to build my life with you.”
I pushed to my feet, tired and numb. But the more I thought about it, the look on Ben’s face as he assessed Dexter when he first met him, the way he’d wanted to make sure I had a perfect day in Paris, the tender way he held me when he kissed me, he’d known all that time. And he’d lied just like Dexter had.
But why? If he’d told me the truth, I might have given in. Why couldn’t one person in my life tell me the goddamn truth? It was that lie that broke my heart, not Dexter’s. Because the truth was, I’d been done with Dexter long before I’d gotten on that flight to Paris. This was just a technicality. The one I’d wanted out of the way before I could really explore what I was feeling for Ben. But in that moment, what I felt for Ben was nothing but pure rage.
“I want you out of here.”
“You can’t kick me out. My name is the one on the lease. Or did you forget?”
What was he talking about? “Yes, I can. I was on the lease when we got this place.”
“You were, but you were so busy with your mum when we renewed you told me to go ahead and sign it. You are no longer on the lease. So I won’t be going anywhere.”