In the office car park I opened the trunk to pick up a box of stationery that I’d bought for work. I walked toward the door to the building and saw Tom. I jumped so hard I nearly dropped the box.
He was standing across the road, leaning against his car; I recognized it from the driveway outside his house a few weeks before. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans, and his dark hair shone in the early-morning sunlight. He was looking pretty good, really. I remained still by my car, unable to think what the etiquette was of bumping into someone who was essentially a one-night stand. Should I wave? Ignore him?
The decision was taken out of my hands then as he crossed the road toward me.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi.” I gave him a quick glance and then looked furtively around. Anyone looking at me just then would know immediately that I’d been up to no good. The last thing I wanted was for Annie to see me talking to him; I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer her questions. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve just had an early appointment with John Holt.” He nodded to the building adjacent to ours. “Then I realized you work next door and thought I’d try to see you.” He smiled at me. “How are you?”
“Fine, thanks,” I said automatically.
“Do you have time for coffee?”
I hesitated. I really didn’t want to talk to him but I didn’t want to be rude. I glanced at my watch. Annie would be taking her kids to school and wouldn’t be at the office just yet. “I have half an hour.” I winced. It sounded so miserly, to restrict his time like that. So unfriendly, particularly given the last time we met. “Sorry, you’ve caught me off guard here. I’m supposed to be meeting a colleague at nine.”
“Have you got time to go to one of the cafés down the road?”
I nodded. “Just give me a minute. I need to leave this inside.” While Tom stayed outside in the car park, I left the box with the receptionist and went into the bathroom. Luckily nobody else was in there. I ran cold water over my hands and wrists, feeling faint with stress. What did he want? And how had he found me? I hadn’t said anything about where I worked. After a few minutes I knew I’d have to face up to him. I sent Annie a quick text to tell her I might be a few minutes late and went outside to Tom.
* * *
• • •
It was an awkward walk to the café. Neither of us said a word, but I was aware of his presence and could feel the tension in him as he walked behind me. It mustn’t have been easy for him, either.
“Coffee?” he asked when we were sitting at a table. “How do you like it?”
The thought of coffee was enough to make my stomach turn. Tea, too. I said to the waitress, “I’ll have a glass of water, please. Plenty of ice.”
Tom looked surprised. “Sure? What about some juice?”
My stomach tilted again. “No, I’m fine, thanks. I’ve already had coffee,” I lied. “I don’t want to get too jittery.”
“We have decaf,” the waitress said.
“No. Water’s fine, thanks.” I waited until she’d gone, then I leaned forward and said quietly, “I’m sorry I left like that. The other day, I mean.” I felt an idiot then. When else could I have meant?
He looked away. “That’s okay.”
“It’s not,” I said. “I woke early and couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t know what to do, so I just left. I should have written you a note or something. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It never happened.”
If only that were true.
Our drinks arrived then and he spent a while opening the little bags of sugar and fiddling around with them. I sat watching him, my stomach clenched as I wondered what he was going to say. I decided to preempt him.
“Did you speak to Ruby about Harry?”
“No,” he said. “Did you speak to Harry?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t said a word. After . . . after that night at your house, I didn’t feel I had a leg to stand on.”
“I didn’t say anything, either,” he said. “I was hoping you were wrong. I couldn’t stop thinking about it but I was waiting.”
“What for?”
He shrugged. “For any sign there was something going on, I suppose. She was just the same as usual, that was the thing. I started to think that you’d read more into it than had really been there. But then she left me.”
I leaned forward, shocked. “What?”
He nodded, his face flushed.
“Where’s she gone to?”
He shrugged. “She didn’t say.”
I thought of how he must have felt, being told that his marriage was over. Even though we’d spent only that night together, I thought I knew him well enough to know he’d be clinging to his pride. And yet I had to ask.
“Did she say why she was leaving?”
It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it. “She just said she wasn’t happy.”
Impulsively I touched his hand. “You poor thing. Have you been okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“So have you heard from her since she’s gone?”
“Not really. Just the odd message. She won’t be coming back.”
I looked up at him and didn’t know whether that was his decision or hers. I squeezed his hand. “When did she go?”
“Two weeks ago. On Friday night. I’d been to London for a meeting and got back around seven. She was waiting for me and said she was leaving.”
My mind raced. “On the twenty-first?”
He nodded. “Yes. Why?”
“Oh, nothing.” That was the day that I’d discovered I was pregnant. The day that Harry came home with an armful of flowers and a guilty expression on his face. My breath caught in my throat. Had he been going to leave me that day? Were the flowers meant to be compensation? A consolation prize? “Is she still working for Harry?” I asked casually. I could have kicked myself for not checking. But Harry was so involved with the baby and was calling me from work several times a day, often from the office phone. He hadn’t sounded furtive as though she might be beside him when he called. I wasn’t going to ask him; I didn’t want him to see my face if he said she was still there.
“She’s not told me anything.” He hesitated, then said, “You and Harry . . . you’re getting on all right now?”