So what do we mean by staying clear? We mean remember chapters 1 through 5 of this very book. We mean that when somebody gets all up in your business, and you want to destroy them—verbally, online, or with a cream pie in their face—you step back for a moment. You take a breath. You remember some of the suggestions that these two friendly Buddhists, Devon and Craig, blathered on about. And instead of destroying said person who’s getting all up in your business, you find another way. Best-case scenario, you even look for a way to be helpful.
Or maybe you’re living in a world of mental scarcity, when you think nothing is enough for you, and you’re shot through with every desire known to humans. You’re having a rough day, feeling lonely, and you think to yourself, If I just had that other boy’s boyfriend, then everything would be all right. And you pause for a minute, remember the Buddha’s recommendation to not take what’s not freely offered (even boyfriends), and then put all that wanting energy into something at least slightly more productive and life affirming. You’ll feel better, more resourced, in the long run. Maybe not right this moment. But over time, as you start to get the hang of all this.
Or let’s say you find yourself right in the middle of telling a fabulous lie. And then clarity sets in. And, fabulously, you walk your way out of that lie and find a way to say what’s true. Or at the end of the day you find yourself being all grabby and selfish with sex, but then you recognize a better road, and you take that road, and you make sex good.
Or maybe you’ve just had your 99th moment of the day when you want to check out and binge-watch Netflix, or scroll mindlessly through social media, or eat the thing that won’t actually make you feel better, or read the news story that will do nothing to edify you but everything to flip you out—and at that very 99th moment you remember what you really want in life and then apply that deeper desire to this trivial-seeming instance, and decide instead to do a kindness meditation, or text a sweet little something to a friend, or just go for a walk around the block.
You get the picture. Each theme we’ve talked about here, each ethical guidepost, requires clarity, presence of mind, commitment. It’s awfully hard to live in these states when you’re zonked on oxycodone all the time. It’s actually not completely easy to live in these states even without the use or abuse of mind-altering substances.
So how do we live with clarity?
SECLUSION
We live in a world that never shuts off. You might have grown up in this world. You might take this world for granted. But it’s important to recognize that this is the first time in the entire run of human history that such a world has ever even come close to existing. Ever. As in, there has never been a time, anywhere, anytime, when there were literally thousands—no, millions—of gigabytes of entertainment available to your bubbling neurons at any time of day, any time of night, any moment, without exception, at the swipe of a finger or the click of a button.
The 1,001 TV channels, the movie studios, the game makers, the social media gods, the online shopping emperors, the newscasters, the talk radio hosts, the podcasters, the YouTubers, and anyone else trying to grab your attention (and your cash) for a split second of your busily overloaded day would like you to think that this overload is a good thing. They would like you to think that you live in the best of all possible realms, where your every need will be met by the continually expanding galaxy of products, products, products, and that you will live a happier, more informed, more gracious life if you just tune in to…whatever they happen to be selling.
There’s only one problem. It’s nonsense.
Worse than nonsense. In our humble semi-Buddhist opinion, it’s one of the biggest lies our post-industrial civilization has ever been sold.
Because as we all know by now, people in the United States and the rest of the hyper-informational world are no happier than they used to be. Having everything-and-more at your fingertips every moment of every day and night doesn’t actually bump your well-being up a notch. If anything, it bogs you down.
So are we recommending that you walk away from it all and join a monastery? Actually, that would be a great idea! Monasteries are some of the few remaining pockets of balance in an otherwise maddening world.
But, no, we’re not suggesting everybody reading this book join a monastery. What we’re suggesting, instead, is that everyone reading this book bring a bit of the monastery into their life. Because what a monastery provides, at its most elementary level, is seclusion.
Now seclusion isn’t the most popular word these days. Nobody on the morning talk shows raves about their practice of seclusion. Quite the opposite. But from a Buddhist perspective—and this is our perspective—seclusion is an absolutely essential ingredient to any sane life, especially if you’re living in an urbanized, post-industrial, information-heavy dreamscape.
Seclusion itself, though, can look like a lot of different things. One seclusion practice we like a lot is just turning everything off (you know, like we talked about in the last chapter). Powering down the computers. Turning off the phones. And just being. Sure, you’ll probably fall asleep. But that’s great! Because most of us are really, really exhausted.
Then there’s meditation. The ultimate seclusion practice. Take five minutes. Take ten minutes. Take half an hour. And just feel the breath. Feel the breath as it comes into the body. Feel the breath as it leaves the body. Every time a thought comes up, acknowledge that thought with an extra-generous helping of warmth and sweetness, and then go back to feeling the breath.
If meditation is tough for you—and it was tough for us at first, for sure—then use one of the five or six really, really good meditation apps out there.
Another revolutionary act of seclusion is taking a walk in the woods. Or a walk on the beach. Or a walk in the park. Just meandering, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, for half an hour, or an hour, or a whole day. Without your phone. Try it sometime. You might find that your mind rebels, but if you stick with the practice and let the mind spin a while, eventually it will settle, and you’ll often find a new experience altogether: calm.
A Little Meditation
ONE BREATH
Here’s one of our favorite mini seclusion exercises. Why? Because you can do it anywhere, anytime. We do this one in trains, planes, automobiles. We do it when we’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed. We do it before big meetings and after little conversations. We do it multiple times a day.
Ready? Okay.
Close your eyes. (Or don’t.) Take a big inhale, noticing all your sensations. Pay attention. Pause.
Then exhale, noticing all your sensations. Pay attention. Pause.
And that’s it. Then go back to your day.
Or you can do this with three breaths:
Get ready.
Pay attention.
Breathe deep into your lungs, deep into your belly. And then exhale out, nice and slow. Two more times: