I push my way through the crowd to reach the bar and make sure to stand on the opposite end of the line of drum majors from Jimbo. “What are we having tonight, boys?”
They look over at me in unison with matching raised eyebrows. Good. So, they know I mean business.
“Well? I don’t have all night.”
Jimbo reaches behind the bar for a bottle of brown liquid. “Think you can handle whiskey?”
“I can handle anything you throw at me.” I hope he hears how much I mean that.
He must because the bastard chuckles and shakes his head as he pours five shots full to the brim.
“How are we judging this?” Jake asks Jared. “Doing a shot will be equally easy for all of us.”
“Oh, this isn’t the contest.” Jared smiles. “It’s the warm-up. You’re doing three shots now, then you’re playing each other at beer pong.”
“No way.” Nate shakes his head. “I get it. You want us already drunk enough to miss, but Sophia is half our size, and she doesn’t drink like we do.”
“That could put her in the hospital,” Jimbo agrees. “That shit isn’t happening in my fraternity anymore.”
That fired shot hits the mark right between Jared’s eyes. He glares openly at Jimbo. “Okay. Then, you do her shots.”
“No,” Tim speaks up first. “We’ll all do the first round together, then I’ll take her second shot and mine.”
“And I’ll take the third,” Jake finishes.
I smile. Not just because we feel like a team of drum majors right now more than ever, but also because Jimbo didn’t get to pretend to be my knight in shining armor.
Of course, he ruins it for me. “And Nate and I will do an extra shot, too, so we’re all even.”
“I’m in,” Nate agrees.
As much as I’m grateful they want to keep me safe, I roll my eyes. We’re still not even.
They glance between each other.
“Dut, dut, dut, dut?”
Why is Tim making the noise for the command we use to get the cadence going?
Nate, Jake, and Jimbo shake their heads.
“Band, horns up?” Nate suggests.
Jimbo, Jake, and Tim shake their heads.
Jimbo leans on the bar, so he can see me at the other end of the line. “We need a drum majors’ toast. All the sections do it at parties.”
“So, what did the drum majors do last year?”
Nate seems to think about it. “Nothing. They never did group shots.”
Oh, so we’re special. How nice.
“Keep the beat,” I suggest.
Jimbo smiles like he doesn’t realize I’m insulting him. He knows he’s already won for the night anyway. “Let’s do it.”
Everyone raises their shot glasses in the air. “Keep the beat!”
I toss the liquid down the hatch. The guys watch, expecting me to cough and sputter, but I hold it in even though my insides feel like they’ve been lit on fire.
“Nice,” Jake comments.
They go through the entire ordeal again for four more rounds. On the last, they slam their shots in the air and yell, “Dibs!” at varying times.
“Tim and Nate got it first. Winner of this round plays Jimbo. Winner of that round plays Jake, and Sophia is last since she didn’t call dibs.”
“Smart.” Tim nods in my direction. “Gives you time to sober up.”
I blink at them in confusion.
“You have to call dibs to see who goes first when pong gets started for the night,” Jake explains. “Then, it’s on a tier system with the winner of each round playing a new opponent.”
There are actual rules to beer pong? “You guys have this whole culture I never knew about before.”
Oops. That just slipped out.
“You’re here now.” Jimbo smiles again as he makes his way behind the bar. “That’s all that matters.”
I flip him the bird.
He winks at me. “Later.”
Another amateur mistake on my part. Everyone around the bar laughs because I basically just asked Jimbo to fuck me. And he agreed. Publicly. So, he obviously didn’t go as low as he possibly could on the dance floor.
Jimbo and Jake start filling red Solo cups with beer from the keg behind the bar then pass them off to Tim and Nate, who carry them to the table on the other side of the basement. I don’t need to know how they set up for pong. I’m rattled, and I need a few minutes to calm down, get my head on straight again, and prepare to crush Jimbo into itty-bitty pieces.
Chapter Fourteen
I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My features appear fuzzy, and that’s not just because the surface seems to be permanently fogged.
Can I really do this? Can I really meet Jimbo on this low level? Can we really trade orgasms like weapons of mass destruction?
Sure, we’ve slept together before. Yes, my panties are still uncomfortably damp from what happened downstairs. And yeah, my initial plan was to make him fall in love with me since he planned that first.
That’s almost worse, in hindsight. Casual sex is one thing but tricking someone into having actual feelings is … God, that’s just awful. Way worse than anything we’ve ever done to each other before.
“This is stupid,” I tell my reflection. “I don’t want to be like this.”
I’ve changed before. I can do it again.
I went from wild child in high school to good girl in college. Tonight hasn’t been all bad. I’m actually really enjoying the camaraderie with Tim and Nate and Jake. It’s fun, getting to see this side of Shannon. Maybe what I need to do is find a happy medium.
Just like with Jimbo.
Shannon’s so right. Hate and love are too closely intertwined, and I can’t do this anymore. It’s exhausting. I’ve been rising to his challenges for so long because I never wanted to seem weaker than I already felt when he pretended not to know who I was at our rookie camp.
And honestly, I wanted him to notice me. I wanted to matter.
But maybe it just doesn’t fucking matter.
Maybe it never mattered at all.
He made his choice, and I should have respected it. A good feminist would.
It’s not like I haven’t had other boyfriends since Jimbo. I get so pissed at all the casual sex he has, but maybe that’s only because it reminds me I was casual to him, too.
And I never wanted to be that.
But that wasn’t my choice to make. I misunderstood, and I need to get over it already.
“Get over it,” I tell myself. “Just get over it.”
A knock on the bathroom door reminds me I’m not alone in the house, and until I get my apartment back, I don’t really have as much privacy for talking to myself as it might seem.
“Sorry! Be out in a sec!” I turn on the faucet to make it seem like I was doing normal things in here instead of giving myself a lame pep talk.
I wince at the line six people deep when I open the door. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to take so long! Why didn’t you use the bathrooms upstairs?”
“Because those are off-limits to anyone but ITK brothers,” Jared answers, pushing off the wall. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. Here, this is for you.”