"Ah, but there is one huge difference," John said, interrupting Gillian and hating the insecurity he saw in her eyes. Couldn't she see how much she meant to him? "I've never loved anyone before you. I also know that you have a very difficult time letting down your guard and trusting others. Your complete submission to me speaks volumes, kitten. It tells me how much you love me."
Gillian kissed John's lips softly before saying, "I do love you, Bear, more than I care to admit, actually. When we were in the restaurant and you were explaining to me how you feel, I get it, because I feel it too. The emotions are so strong that it almost suffocates me at times. I've met so many people in my life, John, and you are the first one to ever elicit such a strong reaction. I mean, I would be lying to you if I said I didn't feel something for Patrick, but it's different than what I feel for you."
John hugged her body even tighter to his chest. He absolutely loved this vulnerable, loving side of her. The British billionaire already knew that the American would be his wife; he was just looking for the right time to ask her. He saw how much she loved him every time he looked into her emerald eyes, but he didn't think she was quite ready to say yes. John wanted a very private, intimate ceremony with only himself, Gillian, Patrick, and a preacher. He secretly hoped that she wanted the same thing. He would marry her in a private ceremony but would let the entire world know that she was his wife and she would be queen of the world. After all, a king needed a queen.
"Bear, can I ask you a serious question?" Gillian asked, resting her head against John's chest as he rubbed her back. "I know our relationship is still new, but where do you see it going?"
John smiled to himself. It was if she was reading his mind and she didn't even know it. The Brit raised one hand to stroke her cheek. He could feel her insecurity and swore he felt a small shiver. Wanting no secrets between them, he said, "If I'm being honest with you, kitten, I want you to be my wife. If I asked you to marry me at this moment, what would you say?"
Looking up to meet John's eyes, Gillian was stunned to hear his words. She had not anticipated him saying that he wanted to marry her. Gillian's heart leapt into her throat and she felt a warm sensation spreading across her stomach and chest. Her heart screamed at her to jump into John's arms shouting 'yes', but her head told her to put on the brakes. Was she even ready for marriage? Gillian loved John, but did she know him well enough to marry him? The Brit loved to control everything around him, but she wasn't ready for that. Or was she? John had given her something that she had never felt before, and that was love and a sense of security. She knew that she was safe with him and that he would lay down his life for her, but marriage? Gillian really needed to think about this, regardless of what her heart was saying.
"Bear…I don't know what to say," Gillian said honestly. "I love you, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't know if we're ready for marriage. I think we should get to know each other more first. I—"
Gillian's words were cut off as John pulled her up to smash his mouth against hers. His tongue mated with hers as he raised her skirt so he could fondle her bare bottom. Feeling her begin to melt into his touch, John broke the kiss. He looked into her glazed, emerald eyes as a small smile played on his lips. "You make me so happy, kitten. We are going to have the rest of our lives together."
"But I didn't say yes, Bear."
"But you didn't say no either," John interjected happily. He had honestly anticipated Gillian giving him an immediate, clear no, but he briefly had seen a flash of joy in her eyes before her brain began overthinking the whole thing. "We can make the engagement as long as we need to. In the meantime, we will get to know each other better. You, my dear, need to stop overthinking everything. Haven't we had this conversation before?"
"I'm not overthinking things, Bear. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that needs to be taken seriously. When I get married, it will be for a lifetime."
"Sweetheart, I can promise you that when I put a ring on your finger and you take my last name, death will be the only thing that separates us, and even then, I will be patiently waiting for you on the other side."
Touched by his words, Gillian kissed his lips once again. She wanted to believe what John was saying, but could he handle being with one woman for the rest of his life? Needing to hear his response, she asked, "Bear, what if you get tired of me?"
"What kind of fucking question is that, kitten? I would never get tired of you!"
"Please don't be angry, baby! I'm not trying to offend you," Gillian replied, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. "I'm screwing this up, and I don't want to. How do I say this? You are the most handsome man I have ever seen. I understand that you think I'm beautiful and that you are attracted to me, but what if you get bored with me? As gorgeous as you are, I can see why so many women are attracted to you. What happens if someone more attractive than me comes along, Bear?"
"Oh, kitten," John sighed, shaking his head. "Sweetheart, I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. There is not now, nor will there ever be, a woman whom I find more attractive than you, both externally and internally. Marriage isn't something I take lightly, either. As you know, I can't stand a liar. I will never lie to you, even when I should, to soften the truth. I also can't stand infidelity, kitten. Why do you think I have been single for so long? I've enjoyed the company of many women, but you are the first one who has ever mattered to me. You are the first woman who has ever slept in my personal, private bedroom. You are the first woman for whom I have traveled anywhere to get back, and you, kitten, are the first and only woman I have, and will ever, love."
Gillian felt the tears spring to her eyes as John spoke. She wanted to believe him and saw the sincerity in his eyes, but John was used to multiple women. He may be attracted to her now, but what happened in five, ten, fifteen years? What happened if she got pregnant with his child? Did her British lover even want children?
"What are you thinking, kitten?" John asked, playing with the silky strands of her ebony hair. "I can see that you are in that pretty little head of yours. Tell me what has you concerned?"
With a loud sigh, Gillian placed a gentle kiss on John's full lips. Stroking his well-manicured beard, she said, "I want to believe you, Bear, but you may change your mind down the road, and I can't, no, I won't, share you with another woman."
"Then you have to trust me, love," John said softly, loving her innocent caresses. "You can't condemn me for something you think I might do down the road. I would never hurt you, sweetheart. I only want to make you happy. Besides, our children are going to need a mother and father who are madly in love."
Gillian couldn't help the smile that played on her luscious red lips. Although she still wasn't sure about marrying John, the Brit was right. She couldn't be angry at him for something that he hadn't done. At his mention of children, she asked, "So, you do want children at some point?"
"Of course, I do. Don't you?"
"I think so."
"You think so?" John asked, cocking a dark brow at his woman. "What does that mean?"