“I’ll just be a sec.” Spinning on my heel, I hurried back into the living room. The movie had been paused, and everyone was staring at me when I entered.
“You have to go?” Lou asked as she stood and yawned.
Wordlessly, I crossed the room and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you,” I whispered so only she could hear. She’d probably never know how much tonight had meant to me. Sometimes, the smallest gestures made the biggest impact.
“Anytime,” she whispered back.
Letting her go, I waved goodbye to everyone else, and that was when I realized Ever was missing. When I stepped out into the hall, I noticed two things: rain was falling, and neither Ever nor Joe seemed to notice as they spoke in low whispers at the end of the drive. The expression on Jamie’s face as he looked on was so intense that I had the feeling he was trying, or at least hoping, to read their lips.
I attempted to slip past him, hoping to escape without making this harder, but of course, Jamie grabbed my hand, and I knew there was no such thing as easy when it came to us. Reluctantly, I met his gaze, and those brown eyes of his seemed to plead with me.
Don’t go.
It felt like tearing off my own limb when I slowly pulled my hand away.
I have to.
I STOOD IN THE RAIN, watching the taillights of the SUV until they disappeared. Ever had already run back inside without even an explanation on what the hell he’d said to Joe or why he was suddenly so tense.
I wanted to go after Bee.
To steal her away from whatever the hell had caused that haunted look in her eyes. I wasn’t blind. I knew she wanted to stay, so why the hell hadn’t she? Her father was a prick who hated my guts, but did it really matter how she got home as long as she made curfew?
It was just more questions that needed fucking answering.
Shouting from inside had me realizing that I was still standing in the fucking rain like a complete jackass. I stepped through the front door, and I gritted my teeth because I couldn’t stop replaying Bee walking through it.
“I need money!” Lou shouted when I returned to the living room. “How else am I supposed to get it?”
“I give you money,” Wren snapped.
With one hand on her hip, Lou gave him a withering look. “I’m a modern woman, Harlan. Mama’s gotta bake her own bread.” She waved what looked like Vaughn’s wallet in the air as if picking pockets was her idea of a job. Vaughn snatched it from her hand, but Lou simply shrugged. I was pretty sure she’d pilfered his cash already.
“Who the hell invites someone to their home and then steals from them? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
I started to laugh at the perplexed look on Vaughn’s face, but then I pictured the solemn expression on Bee’s face right before she pulled away, and my laughter died. My friends had all returned to their normal lives while I still felt like I’d had a hole punched through my chest. Right where my stolen and then broken heart wasn’t supposed to be.
I STARED INDIFFERENTLY AT MY reflection in the gold-framed vanity mirror while my mom wrapped sections of my hair around a curling wand. When I was younger, she’d pull most of it back and secure it with a white ribbon so that my face could be seen. It was the same hairstyle she had forced me to wear every day. “You’re a beautiful girl,” she would say. “You shouldn’t hide behind your hair.”
My mom didn’t get that it was because I was pretty that I hid. Girls who looked like me were rarely taken seriously. No one ever expects pretty girls to get their hands dirty or chip a nail… I liked doing all of those things.
“You do know you can talk to me, don’t you, dear?”
No, I didn’t know that. In fact, I knew better. It had been five days since I had dinner at Lou and Wren’s, and somehow, I’d become more hollow than I was before. Deep down, I knew it was because I’d had a glimpse of what could have been.
“Is something the matter?” I hedged. We both knew this wasn’t about me, anyway. My parents were only concerned about themselves.
“Your father and I were wondering if everything is okay between you and Ever?”
“Of course,” I lied. “Why do you ask?” It was all I could do to hide the truth. I was worried. While my engagement to Ever was a farce, I wasn’t so sure our friendship would survive. I never asked for any of this, but like a coward, I’d accepted too much from him, and not for the first time, I questioned if I should have let him get involved at all. Faking a relationship had been his idea, but it was my choice to go along with it. I should have run when I had the chance, but I’d been afraid. Terrified that I’d never see Jamie again. There was no way I could ever return to Blackwood Keep if I left.
Once I left.
“He seems… distracted.”
Translation: my parents were afraid that Ever was losing interest in me.
I was eager for the day they’d realize we’d been playing them all along, even though I knew I wouldn’t be around to see it. Or would I? I could feel Ever pulling away and feared that soon, I’d be on my own.
“Barbette, you’re slouching.”
This was one time I didn’t mind my mother criticizing my form. Squaring my shoulders, I lifted my chin. I guess I was okay with being alone, after all. Ever had Four, and Vaughn had Tyra, and though it didn’t bode well for me, I couldn’t help but feel lighter knowing that I’d be leaving them in good hands. It was everything a girl could hope for her best friends.
And Jamie… well, he’d never had trouble finding someone to comfort him.
“I’m sure he’s just nervous about starting school in the fall.”
Ever had chosen to attend Cornell. They had one of the best architecture programs in the country, but Ever didn’t seem all that excited. Something told me it had to do with the four-hour distance it would put between him and Four.
From what I had heard, since Ever could never seem to talk about anything other than Four, she planned to race professionally, which would have her on the road often.
“He’ll also be marrying you,” my mother naively reminded. “Your wedding should be his priority, as well.”
“It is.”
“He hasn’t helped with the planning.”
“Did Dad help plan your wedding?”
“Don’t talk back, young lady.”
I could barely keep from rolling my eyes. “I’m not. I’m just wondering, I guess.”
After a brief pause, my mother let out one of those dainty chuckles that were totally fake. “No, I suppose not.” She resumed curling my hair, but I knew the inquisition was far from over. “I thought you’d be more excited about marrying the man of your dreams.”
My eyes shot up to meet my mom’s in the mirror. Was she serious? I wasn’t in love with Ever, and she knew it even if my father didn’t. My mother had been the one to advise me that love was an illusion, and if I were smart, I’d find someone I at least liked before my father chose a husband for me.
I turned around in my chair, and my mother stepped back with her hand clutching her neck at the look in my eyes. “We both know he’s not the man of my dreams, Mother, but he’s rich. Rich enough to dig us out of the hole Father dug us into. You should be thanking me rather than complaining. Pretty soon, you’ll both be at my mercy, which means I can speak to you however I like.”