After washing up, I walk back upstairs and go into Mia’s bedroom to say goodnight. It looks as if most of the contents of her wardrobe have been piled up on her bed. She’s wearing a very short black leather-look skirt that I’ve never seen before and a sparkly silver top that shows her burgeoning cleavage. It makes her look ten years older than she is, and with her big eyes, it’s not the image I want my daughter to portray.
‘What are you wearing?’
‘Danni loaned me these.’
‘And why?’
‘Because I’ve got nothing suitable, obviously.’
‘Suitable for what?’
She turns her back to me.
‘Mia, please answer.’
‘The party tomorrow night.’
‘What party?’
‘Danni’s sixteenth.’
‘You’ve been suspended from school. You’re not going.’
‘Yes I am! Patrick’s already said it’s fine.’
‘Patrick is not your father.’ As soon as the words leave my lips, I regret them. She throws me a withering look. ‘Look, I am responsible for you and for making these types of decisions, and I don’t think it’s appropriate.’
I jump as Patrick puts an arm around my waist. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Mia is telling me about this party. I don’t think she should go.’
‘She’ll be fine, won’t you, Mia? I’ve already told her that I’ll collect her at 1 a.m. It’s not like the party is in a club or anything. Mia said it’s at a friend’s house in Crawley.’
‘Whoa!’ I exclaim. ‘One a.m.! Crawley! But we don’t know who these people are or whether the children will be supervised.’
‘I’m not a child,’ Mia pouts, her hand on her hip.
‘You certainly don’t look like one in that outfit,’ Patrick says. ‘Perhaps wear a few more clothes, Mia?’
She tosses her hair.
‘Look, Lydia, I’ve already told Mia that she can go, but let’s agree. You’re not wearing that outfit. Ok, Mia?’
‘Ok,’ she says, a grin creeping across her face.
I have just been totally outmaneuvered, and I’m furious. I stomp to the bedroom.
Sleep evades me, and I’m still tossing and turning when Patrick comes to bed. Some time later, I hear a phone vibrate. Patrick slips out of bed and I listen to him pad down the hall. Eventually, I fall asleep, and when I next awake, there is a grey light coming through the curtains and he’s snoring gently by my side.
I spend the day fretting about the party that Mia is going to. She’s only fifteen, and I don’t think it’s appropriate that she is staying out until 1 a.m. It hardly gives the right message to allow her to go when she’s on suspension from school. In the end, I decide to suggest a compromise. She’s in her room, seemingly working on some homework. She doesn’t hear me, as she has her headphones on. I know that generally she’s conscientious and does well at school. I’m sure the weed smoking was a one-off and that it’s a direct consequence of the turmoil she’s suffered at home. She jumps when she sees me.
‘Mia, I’ll let you go to the party, but you’re going to leave at 11 p.m. I don’t want Patrick having to collect you so late.’
‘No! Patrick already said it’s ok.’
‘And I say it’s not, and what I say goes.’
‘You’re such a cow! Patrick is way nicer than you. I’m glad he’s my stepdad!’ She shoves the headphones back over her ears and turns her back to me.
Patrick is in Adam’s study. I know I need to stop calling it that, but I’m not sure I ever will. I’m looking forward to moving house, to give us that chance to start again as a new family. He is peering at his laptop, and when I knock at the door and he sees me, he slams down the lid.
‘I think it’s better if you collect Mia at 11 p.m. from the party tonight. It’s too late for her to stay out.’
‘Hey, Lydia, you need to chill! In a few months, she’ll be old enough to start a family. Good heavens, by the time I was her age, I’d been around the block many times, and I’m sure you had, too!’
I bite my lip. I certainly had not been around the block in my teens. ‘But I don’t want you going out so late to collect her.’
‘All right. Let’s compromise. She’ll leave the party at 11.30, so we’ll be back home by midnight. You need to stop worrying.’
It’s all right for you to say that, I think. She’s not your daughter.
At 7 p.m., Mia comes downstairs with her coat wrapped around her slender frame.
‘Where’s Patrick?’ she asks.
‘In the study. I’ll drive you to the party.’
‘No! Patrick already said he’d take me.’
I don’t hear him walk up behind me, so I jump when he speaks. ‘She’s right. I’ll take her. I’ve got an old friend who lives in Crawley, and I’ve agreed to go out for a drink with him so I don’t need to come back here in between.’
‘But you won’t drink, will you?’
‘Lydia!’ he chastises. ‘You must know me better than that by now. Mia will be safe and so will I. Come on, young lady. Let’s get a move on; otherwise you’ll be late for that party.’
‘No alcohol and no smoking,’ I say to Mia’s retreating back.
I am on edge all evening and feel such a sense of relief when I hear car doors slam shortly after midnight. I hurry upstairs and into bed.
‘How was it?’ I ask Patrick as he tiptoes into the bedroom. I switch my bedside light on.
‘Fine, and Mia is home in one piece.’ He starts peeling off his clothes and then walks into our en-suite bathroom. I listen to him turn the shower on and then brush his teeth. When he gets into bed, I turn towards him and run my fingernails down his torso.
‘Not tonight.’ He sighs. ‘I’m tired.’
I edge away from him. We both lie there, still, in the darkness. I try to remember when the last time was we made love. It must be weeks. And we’re still newly-weds. I know we’re not in the first flush of youth, but that can’t be right, surely? I resolve to make more of an effort.
Monday morning, and I have never been so reluctant to go into work. I am sure that Ajay will be there, ready to pounce on me, to demand an apology. Patrick is in London today, and I have no backup. Ajay’s office door is shut and he’s not seated at his desk, so I return to the open-plan office and walk up to Nicky, who is typing rapidly.
‘Is Ajay not in?’
‘No.’
‘Have you heard from him?’
‘No, but I can give him a call if you like?’
‘That’s fine, Nicky. I’ll ring him myself.’
On the one hand I’m relieved that he isn’t here; on the other, it makes me more worried. I can’t see Ajay just walking away. Also, without him I’m going to have to make all the decisions by myself. I’m capable of doing it, but I don’t want to. We have been so comfortable over the past few years, each with our own set of responsibilities. As I sit down at my desk, in my brightly coloured office, I have a lightbulb moment. Patrick is a management consultant. He goes from business to business helping them out, predominantly sorting their IT issues, but I’m sure he would be able to help us here. After all, most of Ajay’s role is logistics and systems stuff. I decide to ask him tonight.