It had been overwhelming, my good-looking and clearly livid neighbor and his kid. All of that fiery attention focused on me, pinning me like I was a specimen up for scrutiny, and I’d shut down. Which meant I’d also shut up, not trusting myself to be able to talk without a stutter. The sight of his infant daughter had made me tighten up to the point where I couldn’t speak.
As I kept watching out the window, lights flicked on, flicked off, flicked on, and then off throughout the house next door. I imagined him putting her to bed and then going to bed himself. When I looked at my watch, guilt crept up like ivy, growing fast and smothering me.
Could I have been more inconsiderate? I’d opened my house to the guys from the shop almost every night for the past week. I liked having people in the house. It made it feel like a home and helped me forget, for a small time, that I didn’t have a family to share my space with. But my comfort had come at that poor baby’s expense.
Tomorrow I’ll do something nice for them and leave an apology note. A housewarming gift and a peace offering wrapped into one.
A hand on my shoulder caught me off guard. The overwhelming smell of body spray let me know who it was before I turned around. Ash, I thought—though to be honest, I hadn’t bothered to pay much attention to his name when Dane introduced us earlier. Dane, who thought he knew my type and wanted to help me find a boyfriend, not just a hookup.
But if Dane really knew me, he would stop trying to find someone for me. There wasn’t someone special out there for me. ‘Someone specials’ belonged to people who deserved them. I deserved people like Ash (or maybe it was Cash?), a one-night fuck and then a “see you never” after.
The final light in my neighbor’s home turned off. Funny enough, my libido shut off with it. Dane’s friend was cute and flirty, but for once I just wasn’t feeling it.
“Peeping on the neighbors?” he asked in my ear. I knew he wanted to send shivers down my spine, but it made me tense up instead.
I wanted to push him away. I needed to kick everyone out. My eyes wouldn’t stop drifting over to the house next door, and I felt deflated, nearly as exhausted now as my neighbor had looked.
Taking a step back, I shook Ash off and went to find Trinity. She was a fantastic artist and the one who’d gotten my attention after she shut the door on the poor guy’s face the first time. A frown tugged at my lips as I realized I had done the same thing. My fucking stutter making everything hard again. Always, really.
Luckily, Trinity had a sixth sense for when my moods were like this, and she popped up in front of me like a cork from champagne. “Problems with the neighbor?”
The line of my lips pulled tighter. Her brows pressed together.
“Are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer. I shook my head, just a bit, enough to let her know that I was feeling too overwhelmed to speak clearly.
“We have work tomorrow. Time to call it a night,” I signed, hands and fingers moving slowly.
Trinity and my boss, Reagan, started learning to sign years ago, shortly after I’d started working at the shop, when they saw how much it helped me out. Dane, good man, had learned as soon as I made it clear that sometimes I needed to be able to communicate without the shame of my stutter.
“Got it,” she said. No questions asked. Thank god for small mercies and generous hearts. Trinity swooped through the house, shutting the party down with polite efficiency. I didn’t pay attention to what she told everyone, but Dane clapped me on the shoulder on his way out the door.
“We’re talking tomorrow, dude,” he warned as he left. His warning came with a wicked smile, so I knew I wasn’t in for a lecture—or at least not one borne of concern. He wasn’t that kind of best friend. Instead, he provided levity to balance my tendency to brood.
We’d met at a club just after I’d turned eighteen. He’d challenged me to a break dance dance-off, working the whole crowd into a frenzy while I’d stuttered and stammered as I tried to tell him I couldn’t break dance. The crowd had parted, making way, and Dane made his way into the center with the confidence of a seasoned B-Boy.
And proceeded to do the running man and the Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air until everyone had left, disappointed. Except for me, who hadn’t been able to catch my breath because I was laughing so hard. His humor was able to turn around most situations, and he did know how to have a good time. Which often included us helping the other hook up with a new person.
The man he’d brought for me, Ash, leaned in the door. Blond hair flopped in his face and he smiled, a lazy grin that promised a good time if I only said stay.
“It was nice to meet you,” he said as he hovered.
It would be easy to say yes. I could get the nervous energy that had built up in me after meeting the neighbor out in a tangle of sweaty limbs and rough sex. But I didn’t want to, and I always wanted to, and that thought disturbed me to no end.
I shook my head, and he shrugged before heading out.
Trinity was the last to leave. “Is this about your neighbor?”
I nodded. “He had a baby,” I signed, hoping it would put an end to her questions.
“I barely noticed the baby, Javi. I was too busy taking in that fine-ass face,” she replied out loud. “Your neighbor is capital-H Hot.”
The pinpricks of a blush bloomed on my cheeks, and I tried to look nonchalant. Based on Trinity’s wry smile, I failed miserably.
So I signed, “It just shook me up. I didn’t expect to make enemies with a neighbor so quickly.”
“You turned down the music, you kicked everyone out, and you skipped over a willing hookup. You’re more than shook, Javi. I think you have a crush.”
Her laugh was like coins falling, quick and light as she teased. I couldn’t help it—I grinned.
“I’m being stupid,” I signed, still unwilling to try to speak. “He’s out of my league, and he thinks I’m a total ass.”
Her grin fell as her eyes softened. “One day, Javi, you’ll realize how amazing you are. That you deserve good things because you’re a good person.”
My hands clenched, a reflex against the compliments. I knew Trinity meant well, but some lies hurt too much, even if they came from a place of kindness.
We said our goodbyes, and I was left standing in the sudden silence. Because I’d ushered everyone out so quickly, my house was a train wreck, but the mess gave me something to focus on while my mind replayed the events of the night.
It kept coming around to Trinity calling me out on my attraction. Because she was right. I admitted to myself, in the stillness of the house, that I had a thing for the single dad, however stupid I was for indulging it. Maybe it was his protective anger, or the way his eyes had dragged over my tattoos—admiring, I thought, not judging.
He was so radically different from the other men I fell into bed with. Not just in looks (because really, the mussed hair and pajamas were a first), but in his fierce and unflinching protection of his little girl. That lion quality, complete with his unkempt mane, had made my heart throb more than my dick.
But he was a dad. A great-looking man who was willing to do what he needed to for his family. Which meant I was right, and he would never be interested in someone like me, even if we’d met under better circumstances. Hell, my own parents hadn’t wanted me, leaving me behind when I was still a child. What could I possibly have to offer someone as good as my neighbor clearly was?