“You want another drink, my man?” the bartender asked.
Sebastian nodded. He knew he had to be careful with his spending, but if he walked to work the next day instead of taking the bus, he could afford to buy Bridget a drink, too. “And one... ah... one for Bridget here... if she wants one.”
He looked to Bridget, who smiled and nodded. “Sure... thanks, Sebastian.”
It felt so good to draw the smile from her. She’d seemed so upset as she talked about the blackmailer.
He fell into silence again and finished his second taco. When their drinks arrived, he sipped the frothy beverage. Something about the cool drink and the spices from the fresh pico de gallo in his meal was perfect. He wondered how many delicious meals he’d missed out on in his lifetime by avoiding establishments like Big Bobby’s.
On the outside, it looked like such a dive. But the reality was that the food was just as good as many of the gourmet establishments he frequented.
“Appearances can be deceiving,” he said thoughtfully.
He turned to Bridget. She was nodding. He thought he saw her eyes dart to his scar. He let her look.
“I guess there’s usually a lot going on underneath the surface—for everyone,” he said. “Maybe we’re all alike in that way.”
She nodded. “That’s certainly been my experience,” she said softly. “It’s hard to really get to know another person, isn’t it?”
Her tone was so soft and gentle. Her words made Sebastian wonder if she felt lonely and separate at times, just like he did. It had never even occurred to him before that he was lonely, but it was so obvious now.
Her eyes, which were looking down at her plate, now lifted to meet his. He felt that warm, tickling sensation in his heart, and a glowing sensation spread through him as he looked into her eyes.
Is she talking about me? he wondered. Does she want to get to know me?
The noise and hubbub of the busy restaurant faded into the background. It was as if he and Bridget were the only two at the bar.
“Maybe... we just let the surface stuff kind of take over,” she said quietly. “We become the roles that we take on, and we forget who we really are. We put on an act to please others... to impress others... and in the meantime, we lose ourselves.”
Her chest rose and fell ever so slightly with each breath she took. He felt an intense and undeniable attraction to her course through him.
He wondered if she felt it too.
“Did you lose yourself, Sebastian?” she asked quietly, while searching his eyes.
He didn’t know what to say.
Had he? Had he lost himself? Was this the gift that his father wanted to give him?
“Who are you, really?” she pressed. “Who are you, beneath the surface? There’s a lot more to you... isn’t there, Sebastian?”
He felt his breathing speed up. Her questions were beginning to make him uncomfortable. He felt the enchanted connection to her slipping through his fingers, as though perhaps it had only been in his mind the entire time. I can’t let her get to know me, he thought. There’s no way. How could I? I don’t even know myself.
The restaurant, which felt warm and inviting when he’d first walked in, now felt stifling and claustrophobic.
“I’ve got to go,” he said abruptly. “Bartender, tab!” he growled across the counter.
The bartender looked surprised at Sebastian’s gruff manners. “Heading out, bud?” he asked while he added a cherry to the drink he’d been mixing up.
Sebastian ignored the question. “Now,” he said, snapping his fingers twice.
Once he’d paid his bill, Sebastian wasted no time in getting out of the restaurant. He gave a gruff goodbye to Bridget, grabbed his sweatshirt—an embarrassment, but necessary given the evening chill—and hurried out onto the street.
He was walking briskly away, leaving the happy music and bustling crowd far behind, when he heard his name being called.
“Sebastian!” It was Bridget.
She fell into step beside him.
“What is it?” he said, not turning to look at her.
“I’m sorry if I upset you,” she said. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“I don’t have answers for you,” he admitted. The fact scared him. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s okay, Sebastian,” she said. “I’m heading this way, too. Mind if I walk with you?”
“Whatever.” He didn’t mind. On some level that he could barely acknowledge, he wanted her company—which confused him. With his shoulders hunched against the wind, he walked quickly. What she’d been saying back at the bar, about putting on an act to impress others, had really gotten to him.
Was that all he’d been doing, all his life? Living an extravagant lifestyle—and for what? To impress his other jet-setting friends? To impress himself? He wasn’t sure, and that bothered him. One thing he was sure of was that her words had struck a nerve in him. He felt his surface identity had been stripped away, and he wasn’t sure what he was left with. Is this the real me? he wondered as he walked. And is it enough?
As he thought this over, he felt her presence beside him. She was keeping pace with him, though he walked fast. Without turning to look at her, he spoke. “I’ve lived with certain... privileges my whole life,” he said carefully. “I’ve lost touch with so much... most importantly, other people. I don’t know how to care anymore. I don’t know how to love. I don’t know if there’s any part of me that’s capable of that.”
“Sebastian, I don’t know you that well, and I don’t know what you’ve been through,” Bridget said. “But I do know that as long as your heart’s beating, you’re capable of caring about others. That’s all hearts do, you know... you might feel separate, but you’re just as connected as the rest of us. That’s just how life works.”
He’d never heard someone put it that way. He knew his heart was beating—he could feel it. In truth, he felt more in his heart as he walked side by side with Bridget, under the night sky, than he had in years. Decades, even.
“You want to know how to help people?” she asked. She stopped under a streetlight. He stopped, too. She took a deep breath. “It’s something I’ve been doing since I was little. My dad taught me. He’s a physics nut, you know. It’s like a trick.”
“Okay...” he said. He felt her looking at him. He met her eye.
She continued. “You just have to look past their appearances,” she said, “and into their eyes. You’re going to see a person in there—who might be trapped behind so many layers of fear and defenses that they don’t even know they’re there anymore. But you have to see it for them. And then, you just do whatever feels good. It’s going to feel good because everyone’s connected, so it’s really just like you’re helping a part of yourself—that’s the physics part, see?”
This baffled Sebastian slightly, but she seemed so sincere that he merely nodded. Besides, he’d noticed Bridget’s direct gaze many times, and had experienced her helpfulness. If she could do it, maybe he could, too.
“Maybe I’ll try it,” he said.