A sad smile touched her face. “You’ve always been a good boy.”
For a moment, I forgot that I was a thirty-year-old man. I wanted her to cradle me. I’d become that young child who once craved her warmth and protection.
“Had I gone to London Jack would’ve followed me. And then he’d have created problems for you.” Her voice cracked again. “I should’ve intervened sooner.”
Her change of subject jolted me back to my abuse by that depraved priest.
“How do you know that Jack’s still alive?”
“I don’t. But I can’t risk it, son.” Her distraught features brought back the awful abuse my mother had suffered while living with that man. I finally understood why she’d gone into hiding.
I persisted nevertheless. “I could’ve protected you.”
“Darling, I knew that if you remained here, caring for me, you would’ve become the lord of the manor. Look at you now. You’re a sophisticated man of the world. And turning Raven Abbey into a tourist destination has brought so much wealth into the community. It was a sacrifice I’d make again.”
“But how have you managed to lay low? It’s such a small place. Everyone knows everyone.”
“I keep to myself. I grow my own food. I have a goat, chickens, and a cow. Online shopping is also pretty useful.” She smiled at Penelope. “I’ve always been a sucker for a pretty dress.”
“Aren’t you lonely?” I asked.
“No. I have my garden. Books. Memories. And now I have you. You will visit again?” Her imploring smile melted my heart.
“I’d like you to come back with us. I have a very big house in London.”
“I knew you’d do great things. Milly was right to arrange that DNA test. William was always close to you. He loved you even before he discovered that you were his own flesh and blood. He told me that before dying. He didn’t like Dylan and was relieved to learn that Dylan was Gareth’s son.” She stared wistfully into the distance. “He was the love of my life, Blake. I hope you don’t think poorly of me.”
“You gave me life, Mother.”
We hugged, and that lump in my throat thickened.
48
* * *
PENELOPE
WE ENDED UP STAYING for tea. The stories of Blake growing up at Raven Abbey warmed me. It was nice to hear about the good times.
Mary insisted we stay the night, but Blake explained that we needed to be in the city by morning. Given the whirlwind events of that day, I’d forgotten I had my graduation ceremony to attend. Putting aside Blake’s dark history at Raven Abbey, I found myself enchanted by that Gothic estate.
Mary saw us to the door, wearing a wide smile. Her heart seemed to spill over.
Blake appealed to his mother again. “Why don’t you to come and live with me in London?”
“Darling, just come and visit as often as you can. And stay next time. There’s a guest room. It’s even got a double bed.” Turning to me, she said, “It’s been so nice meeting you. I’m elated that my boy’s with such a lovely girl.”
I hugged her.
“Now, you be careful getting back. There are some hidden burrows and bogs.” Mary pointed at the dark, misty wood.
“I can use my cell for light,” said Blake. “Speaking of which, why haven’t you got one?”
“I disappeared.” She grinned.
“Not anymore,” said Blake. “I’ll send you a phone. That way we can communicate. I need to know you’re okay.” He held her hand. “Yes?”
She nodded with a smile. “Please come back soon.”
We waved a final goodbye and headed for the wood.
Treading lightly on the uneven ground, I admitted, “If you weren’t here, I’d never attempt this.”
He stopped walking and turned to face me. The moon was full, which only added to the magic of the misty surrounds. Its pearly beams lighting our path also helped.
I couldn’t get the story of the priest out of my mind. “Blake.”
He turned to look at me.
“Um… did the priest…?” I sought a delicate way to ask that horrible question. His face darkened, and I swallowed tightly.
“He didn’t go all the way.”
“I’m sorry to ask. It’s just that…”
“He only touched my dick.” His matter-of-fact tone contradicted the gravity of the subject.
“How old were you?”
“Twelve.”
“Did it just happen once?”
He shook his head.
“Is that the reason for your nightmares?”
Blake rubbed his neck. “That, and me assuming I’d murdered him. Life with my stepfather wasn’t exactly fun either.” He sighed. “I’ve got enough material here”—he tapped his head— “to keep a shrink going for years.”
“You can talk to me about anything, I want you to know.” I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry to have asked. I just needed to know.”
His brow pinched. “Does that tarnish me?”
Gulping, I shook my head.
“It’s left an indelible stain.”
I took his hand again. “Please, don’t think like that. You were just a victim of a disgustingly depraved beast.”
“I should’ve stopped him sooner.”
“How often?” I asked. My stomach grew tighter with each question. I felt like an interrogator.
“Only four times.”
“And did he…?”
“He played with my dick.” His voice cracked.
“I would’ve killed him. If anyone hurt you, I wouldn’t think twice.”
A faint smile touched his face. The intensity of the moment slowly vanished, which helped me breathe evenly at last.
“I’m sorry to have asked,” I said again.
“You’re the only living person I could trust to tell, apart from my mother.”
“Does Dylan Fox know?”
He shrugged. “It’s possible. The walls always had eyes and ears here.”
I fell into his arms, and we held each other as the moon illuminated her magic over us. It was more a healing embrace of acknowledgement—for me, having finally found a way into this closed man, and for Blake, I intuited, the relief of having unburdened his soul.
Blake held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s put that behind us, shall we?”
Taking his hand, I smiled.
My spirit warmed knowing that, with each step, our bond had deepened. “This is so insanely picturesque, especially with the moon illuminating the trees. Am I dreaming?”
“No, darling. It’s very real.” He turned to look at me. “Have you decided yet?”
“On what?”
Blake stopped walking. “You’ve forgotten already?”
“No, of course not.” I paused. “Why do we need to do this so soon?”
His face became sullen again. “Let’s go.” He took my hand.
We’d only taken a step when I stopped. “I love you, Blake.”
His eyes impaled me, penetrating to my core. Could I live with a man whose brooding presence made me shiver one minute and then ache from desire the next?