Maybe it was better Ms. Cain didn’t let me talk to my ex. I might have throttled him.
I step into my room, waiting for the Tiffany blue walls and creamy accents to sooth my fraying composure, but there’s no serenity awaiting me. Not yet.
Ricardo follows me inside. “You assume you’ll win, even though you’re up against me? Mon coeur, have some modesty.” Tone light, he slings an arm around my shoulders and attempts to pull me into his side.
I evade him. Pull together the scales of my armor so there aren’t any gaps. Prepare myself for the coming onslaught.
Ricardo’s eyes flash with hurt at my rebuff, but he doesn’t move to touch me again. Probably for the best. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. And you won’t be here. You’ll be in Haiti with your mom.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be… What? I will not. I told my mom yesterday that I’m not going.”
So that’s where he was when I tried to call him from the car on the way to the police station. Well, good for him.
“Why not? You should.” My tone is cold, detached. But inside I’m a flame, razing the foundation of our relationship until it’s nothing but charred ash and dying embers. If I’m going to focus on repairing my reputation, the way Daddy sees me, it has to be this way. No distractions, even ones I desperately want to indulge in.
Ricardo runs a hand through those downy curls. “No, I shouldn’t. I don’t know why you’re saying this, but you don’t mean it. You trust me.” The question is clear.
Do I trust him, really? Yes. After everything that has happened to Ricardo and me this semester, I know deep down that he’ll always have my back. Won’t betray me. Unlike most everyone around me, Ricardo sees me. A high-strung, control freak, perfectionist who never lets her hair down unless she’s dared to do it. A girl who works furiously and loves deeply, despite my aloof manner. He sees me, and cares for me.
And yet...
“No, I don’t. Not really. How can I? Freshman year, you let me kiss you, and then you didn’t talk to me again. You’d already gotten what you wanted.”
Ricardo blanches. “Is that what you think? That after you kissed me, I—look, that first day, when you kissed me, I was ecstatic. I thought the most beautiful girl at the academy was choosing me, out of all the spoiled peacocks that strut around this school. Then I find out that you’re Senator Holt’s daughter. The guy who’s made his career on immigration reform. You’re telling me you didn’t kiss me because it was exciting? The idea of being with someone who wasn’t an American?”
My expression hardens. He has no idea what he’s talking about. There was not an iota of allure in kissing him because he was from a different country. It was because the moment I saw him, I knew. I knew we would be great together. But I can’t dwell on that now. “Last year, you toyed with Genevieve for much longer, and look how that turned out?”
Ricardo startles, anger flashing in his eyes. “Are you serious? This is what you’re using to break up with me? After everything? I lied to the police for you, Charlotte. I tampered with the security footage. No matter that you’re innocent. You know what would happen to me if anyone found out what I’ve done? And still you don’t trust me? I don’t believe this. I was knocked unconscious by your ex-boyfriend, for crying out loud. What kind of player would stick with a girl after something like that, unless he...” He breaks off, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Mon dieu, Charlotte. Can’t you see it? I love you.”
My entire body goes up in searing flames. He loves me?
Everything in me aches to run to him and throw my arms around him. Let the soothing balm of his kiss quench the flames licking at my heart. Let him know that not only do I trust him, he makes me happy. I want to make him happy too. But one more time I deny myself. I can’t do this right now. I can’t afford to be preoccupied, not when my relationship with Daddy is in jeopardy. My plans for my future as president of the United States.
I don’t know when I began, but I’m shaking my head. Holding back a torrent of tears, which I will never let him see. Never tell. Instead, I let my silence speak for me. Ricardo can make whatever assumptions he needs to leave me.
A hush settles between us as our harsh words sink to the floor like jagged shards of broken glass. Glittering in their dark capacity to lacerate vulnerable hearts. The crackle of energy is doused, leaving me chilled to the bone.
Ricardo’s chin comes up. “If you’re going to be that way, maybe you’re right. Maybe I will go to Haiti with my mom. She at least will look past my crap to see who I’ve become. She doesn’t have a choice, since she missed most of it.”
I see you, my heart whispers. His cocky facade for what it is, a shield he uses to keep people at bay. Because deep down, just like me, the question his soul asks is, am I enough? But I can’t answer that question for him.
I don’t move.
Ricardo brushes past, refusing to look at me. Then he’s gone, footsteps stomping up the stairs to the boys’ floor.
I slam the door shut and bolt it before I change my mind and go careening after him. The silence in my room feels raw and unwelcoming.
A knock on my door makes me jump.
I spin toward it, unable to keep the hope from seeping into my eyes. It’s Ricardo, back after our fight to patch things up.
But it’s not Ricardo standing in the hallway when I fling the door open—it’s Gul.
“What do you want?” I snap, not bothering to tamp down the voltage in my words.
Gul glares at me. “This again? Really? I thought we were becoming…”
“Friends?” I scoff, regretting it immediately. After hearing how lonely Gul is at school, the reason she leaves the dorm to call her mom, how can I be so cruel?
The girl’s eyes blink closed, and when she opens them, her composure is set. “Never mind. Let me know when you’re done with your Na impression, so we can talk.”
It’s like she sucker punched me in the mouth. Am I really as mean as the girl who was murdered last semester?
Gul stalks down the hall, not looking back.
After a beat of stunned immobility, I jog after her. “Gul, wait!”
She stops, turns, frowns. “Yes?” she asks through gritted teeth.
I yank my headband out of my perfectly coiffed hair, straightening it. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. It’s been a long day.” Reaching up, I pull the pins out of my blond tresses and shake them out. My scalp tingles at being freed from the chic updo that I slaved over this afternoon. Wasted energy, since I’m here instead of at Daddy’s dinner.
Gul’s features soften, but only just. “That’s no reason to treat me like crap.”
My hands drop to my sides, clutching the hair pins. “You’re right. And if you still want, I’d like to be friends.”
This earns me a tentative smile. “Okay.”
Hooking my arm through hers, I draw her back to my room and close the door. “What do you need?”
Her dark lashes fan over her cheeks as she settles herself in the center of the white velvet bench at the foot of my bed. “I was hoping you’d tell me what was going on with Kenneth? Did he kill Professor Rook? Did he attack you and Ricardo and me? If he did, did he say why? I haven’t done anything to him.”