I’m a part of something so new and unregulated. I feel like there’s this new addiction to likes and views and followers that drives a lot of creators out of control. It’s proven that likes give our brains a hit of dopamine, so it makes sense the crazy lengths that creators will go to stay relevant. Why did Logan Paul film a dead guy? Because he would go to any length to get the views. That’s his hit, his high, his self-worth. I think Logan chose the hit over considering what would be the compassionate thing to do. When you’re an addict, nothing comes before that hit. Like when a meth-head is willing to steal all the stuff out of your suitcase to be able to sell it and get more meth.
I feel incredibly grateful that my success happened after I was solid in my sobriety. AA gave me the tools not only to handle my life without alcohol, but also to handle pressure. I was where Stevie was once. I barely held on, and I certainly didn’t know why. When I finally got sober, I realized it was because I had a mission to make millions of people laugh. That’s what I was put on this earth to do. I had a purpose that was more than drinking and using.
Every morning I do Tony Robbins’s Hour of Power. It’s cheesy as shit and I love it. It’s how I use my morning wisely. If I get on my phone right when I wake up, then I become riddled with anxiety. The Hour of Power means that I open my eyes, put on my gym shoes, and get my endorphins going. Stephen and I walk a mile and a half down the hill from our house and back again. Yes, I power walk in the suburbs every morning just like your mom.
For the first fifteen minutes of the walk, I do breathing exercises to get centered. For the second fifteen minutes, I make a list of everything I’m grateful for. Stephen and I usually alternate. I say “I’m grateful I’m sober today,” and he says “I’m grateful for our one-eyed dog,” and so on. It puts us in a state of gratitude, which is a really easy way to make yourself feel good, even if you’re in a bad mood. Then after that, we do fifteen minutes of visualization, where we list all the goals and hopes we have for ourselves as if they are already happening for us. “I’m so happy and grateful that we have an animal sanctuary.” Then the final ten minutes is visualizing what you want to accomplish for the day as if it’s already happened. “I’m so grateful that I finish shooting two videos and I start a script for tomorrow.”
That’s my morning. As Tony Robbins recommends, if you don’t have an hour of power, then have thirty minutes to thrive or fifteen minutes to fulfillment or two minutes to tango. Two minutes is surely better than none. Every morning this hour leads me to start my day with a mindset of abundance. Abundance of friendship, love, and laughter. If you feel like you have it, then it will come.
Before I became who I am today, I shot a short film about all of this. I had this idea called The Procrastinator, where I played every character. Procrastination was like . . . my best quality. I was really great at it. You want me to reply to an email? Give me a month! You want a script written? Well, how about I say I will and then I don’t! And then I’ll never talk to you again because I feel guilty!
The film was about a girl who needed to mail a letter but kept getting distracted. It was as random as my brain. I hired a guy named Scott from ProductionHUB to shoot it, found this fifty-year-old guy named Earl (who really wanted to go to Wendy’s for some reason) to do sound, and then Stephen produced and did everything else. The four of us were the entire crew.
The film opens with me waking up, grabbing a letter, and placing a stamp on it. As I head to the mailbox I run into my old Russian landlady (me in a fat suit), who stops me and berates me.
“You have to pay rent! You are late!”
I fight with her for a while and then turn down an alley where I find this homeless crackhead (me with my teeth blacked out) who asks for any food I might have. I give her my bag of almonds and she throws them on the ground and stomps on them.
“Hey, why are you stomping on those??”
“I ain’t got no teeth!” (She was pureeing them.)
Then I keep walking to the mailbox, but I stop inside a nail salon and get my nails done by a hysterical woman (me with makeup running down my face). Then we did a whole musical number at the nail salon, and the nail salon woman turns out to be magical. Because of course she was. I felt around in my pockets . . . and I had dropped the piece of mail. I went back home a failure. Or! A very successful procrastinator.
As I got in the house, Stephen walked by in a carrot costume, holding a briefcase and saying, “I’m off to work!” It was all very cinema verité.
Then, the crackhead found the letter and brought it back to my house. We had dinner together—pureed dinner, of course. All’s well that ends well! Except the letter never got sent.
That film was completely emblematic of who I used to be. I’ve had so many distractions throughout my life, so many things getting in the way of my goals. I knew I would get to LA, I knew I would be acting, but the path here has been a winding road, full of dead-ends, U-turns, and random trips to Mexico. Somehow, I’ve ended up in an incredible industry that didn’t exist when I was first dreaming about my future. How did I ditch all the distractions and get here? I saw that my addiction, my fear, and my insecurity were getting in the way of my purpose and I changed, even when I thought change was impossible. Today, I know people can change. I went from being a selfish, suicidal, self-obsessed, drug-addicted alcoholic, to being a more-happy-than-not, vegan, sober yogi with three rescue pets, making an effort to give back every day. In no way am I suggesting that it is easy or simple or magic. My change took years of effort and tons of mistakes and a few near-death experiences.
I get to do what I love every day. I get to make millions of people laugh around the world, and I get to be of service in that way. And it is because I put down drugs and alcohol and started walking through fear and wanting to be loving and tolerant and forgiving and of service. I decided that I want to be a good person. I think that works. I love my family, my career, and everyone reading this. Yes, you! Hey. Look at me. I love you! Now kiss me. Ohhhh yeah, that feels good. Mmmmm . . . Kiss me again. Okay, I’ll stop making it weird. I clearly do not know how to end a book.
Oh and by the way, Stephen and I just had a baby. But that’s another book. . . .